No tension on second date - where did I fuck up?



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PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 4:47 am 
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So I met this girl on Tinder who I really like. I'm having Tinder dates regularly which'll end up with having sex a couple of times, and then me often stopping contact, because I don't want to get in a relationship.

Now this one girl I managed to get a date with was different to me. She is intelligent, funny and I really really like her.

However, when I messaged her I enjoyed the date and I would like to see her again, she said she felt there wasn't any real tension. Which was true, kinda. The second date was pretty boring. I fucked up: I made a dinner for her at my place, and then we were supposed to go to the city to play some pool or have a drink. Though it was becoming pretty late already, so I decided to stick around home.

We ended up taking a walk, and then sitting next to each other on my couch, just talking. She would move closer to me after a while to initiate physical contact, and I'd put my around her after a bit, which she seemed to like. At the end of the night we were just talking for hours, she was laughing a lot. And then the date sort of naturally ended because we were both getting really tired and literally falling asleep. Well yes, that was boring.

And though I normally do, I did not initiate a kiss until the very end until I said goodbye to her in my doorway.


Where did I fuck up? I guess I was 1. being a pussy for not actively trying to flirt and touch her like I normally would(guess that's because I liked her so much I didn't feel it was necessary), and 2. I should have made the date more active and not stay at home on the second date. Especially since our first date was just a coffee for 2 hours, because we both have busy schedules.

Would like to hear your opinions! I told her I agreed there wasn't really any tension, but I asked her to go on a date one more time to give it another chance. Though I realize there is a good chance she won't accept.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 05, 2015 3:21 pm 
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I fucked up: I made a dinner for her at my place, and then we were supposed to go to the city to play some pool or have a drink. Though it was becoming pretty late already, so I decided to stick around home.
Not here.
Quote:
Where did I fuck up? I guess I was 1. being a pussy for not actively trying to flirt and touch her like I normally would(guess that's because I liked her so much I didn't feel it was necessary), and
Yes. This is the fuck up. Go for sex and if she is hesitant then go for the walk. If a girl is willing to come over to your place for dinner, chances are she is down.
Quote:
2. I should have made the date more active and not stay at home on the second date. Especially since our first date was just a coffee for 2 hours, because we both have busy schedules.
Nope dinner at your place is fine.
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Though I realize there is a good chance she won't accept.
Likely but worth a shot still!

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 7:30 am 
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Your fuck-up was having the girl at your place for whatever amount of time and not sexualizing things.

Also, leave the "I really enjoyed the date" text to them.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 8:21 am 
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I'm having Tinder dates regularly which'll end up with having sex a couple of times, and then me often stopping contact, because I don't want to get in a relationship.
Are you finding that these girls are hating you when it things end???

You're hurting these girls emotionally. You're probably talking to them about future projections and leading them on unintentionally. You probably have the mindset that all girls want husbands.

Why don't you focus on the girls that just want casual hook ups too? It's less drama, increases longevity to your new fuck buddies. You will get less matches but you will get more drama less casual sex.

You can simply put in your profile "not looking for anything serious" in your profile so that way, it's down on the girl if she get's hurt emotionally. Other benefits are, you will get more sex on 1st dates than 3rd/4th because it's a casual dynamic .

Back to topic - What RC said...

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 9:34 am 
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For this it is not difficult to understand it. It should come out in such great form.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 11:16 am 
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My man, I want you to carefully read what I'm about to write.

When you're on a date with a girl like that, she is EXPECTING you to move things forward.

She doesn't want to be the one to initiate things. She wants you to be the MAN.

Within the date, there are multiple what I call Windows of Escalation Opportunities.
or WEO for short.

I know, the word is a mouth full, but what it means basically is that as you're spending time
together, there are natural opportunities to take things to the next level - hug, kiss, and other.

Examples of WOE's are:

> You’re sitting with a girl on a couch, you’re all comfy comfy and your conversation kind of came to a stall.
> You’re in a car with a girl, and you don’t have much to do. You’re just sitting next to each other quietly.

IF YOU DON'T JUMP THROUGH THAT WINDOW, the girl is going to feel such a loss of attraction
for you, that the next day she will either not respond your texts or phone calls, or will tell you
something like "There just isn't any tension between us two"

Sounds familiar?

YOU have the responsibility to take advantage of those windows of opportunity and jump through
them, and CREATE that tension that she wants.

As with this girl, it's probably to late. But on your next date, pay close attention to WEO, and take advantage of them.

HOW TO ESCALATE WITH A GIRL

Here's a scale I use to escalate with girls. It's simple, there are only 3 stages:

1. WORDS
2. TOUCH
3. KISS


The way you start escalating with a girl is first with WORDS. You need to pay close attention to when
there is tension, and then TALK ABOUT it.

Examples are when you when you two are close to each other on a date. Like in your example when
you were sitting on a couch.

You gave her a hug, but instead you could have started with:

Stage 1: WORDS

How?

A very simple way to do this is to comment on it with something like,

"Miss, I think you are getting dangerously close to me - any closer and you will have to pay a fine... "

This would make her giggle and smile.

Then you could say, "You know, as I'm looking in your eyes, I feel like there's something about you...like
there's this adventurous girl inside, but it's like evil adventurous..."


And look deeply in her eyes.

This will make her go "OMFG I just got sooooo wet...I can hardly breathe..."

Are you following so far? WHEN you feel there is some tension in the situation, that is a Window of Escalation
Opportunity, or WEO, you initiate escalation with WORDS. The next stage is

Stage 2: TOUCH.

Now as you said that to her, you say, "You know, you can learn a lot by a person by their hands..."

And you take her hand. Gently rub her palm, and say, "Your palms are soft, which means you're a very
emotional person..."
And look in her eyes.

You do that for couple of minutes, then you go to:

Stage 3: KISSING.

As you're holding her hand, you lean in to her hair and start SMELLING her hair.

Women really enjoy when you smell their hair. It gives them goose bumps. But please for the
love of god don't sniff them like a dogg, smell them as if you're enjoying the smell.

Then look at her in the eyes, and slowly lean in and KISS her.

I call this process The 3 step KISS SWITCH technique. It is so powerful, that a girl will
never again say to you "I just don't feel any tension between us..."

Enjoy it my man, and next time you write here, make sure it's a lay report :)

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