Thinking about things can be stressful. Journaling helps me get my thoughts out and on paper, and if I have a million different things to do, instead of thinking about them all over and over again (stress-inducing), I'll write down everything I have to do, prioritize the list, and then go about crossing things off. That's helped me a lot with my stress level (nonexistent).

BIG goals are awesome. I call BIG goals a big VISION. Recounting my VISION in my brain juices me up and motivates me to action. However, it's important to accept that as long as I keep moving towards my VISION, it will be realized eventually. If I place too much importance on the result (IF this happens, THEN I'll be really happy), I'll become really results oriented and externally dependent on happiness and yadda yadda yadda and it's not good.

Pretty much the same way with a girl. Yes, I do want things to go a certain way, and I will move things in that direction, but in no way is my happiness level tied to the result.

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

Yep. Mind like water. Have you read "Getting Things Done"? Similar concept. One of the most impactful books I've ever read. Stressed me out at first because it seems complicated at first glance but it's actually very easy. Once I adapted my own system, my life has been much easier to organize.

Have not read it, will put it on my list!

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

Thursday 08/13/2015

Today was a cool day. I took off and went to an amusement park with friends instead

This was the crew (btw, making these names us is fun!):

Me: obvi

TheGrillMaster: One of my two roommates. One of my best friends since I was a kid. We grew up together and have been close ever since. He happened to need someone to live with after I broke up with my gf and moved out of our apt, so now we live together. He works in the food industry, so he has odd days off. Almost never the weekends, so we barely chill at all. He was off today and I'd been telling him I'd take off one of the weekdays he was off so we could hang out. The benefits of my flexible schedule

TheTeacher: Another of our childhood crew. Lives about 30 minutes from where I live now. Married, with two kids, so I rarely see him. But he's a teacher and is off. He had 6 free tickets to the amusement park, so asked us to come.

SalesWoman: TheTeacher's wife. Cool girl. Really kind. A great mother to their two kids. I've known her for 10 years now, so she's become a close friend too.

CountryGirl: One of SalesWoman's BFFs. I actually met her four years ago at the wedding. We were all in the bridal party together. Not attractive but an AWESOME girl. Really fun. Entertaining. Chill.

CurlySue: The newcomer. Just met her today. She just started working at SalesWoman's office and has only lived in the area for 10 days. Said she had met one person outside of work prior to today. Oh, SMOKING HOT and 24 years old. Curly brown hair. Big, juicy lips. Green eyes. Great skin. And a tight, skinny little body. Money! Oh, and she lives about 5 minutes from me, which is a huge plus in my book.

This was a pleasant surprise. As much as I LOVE this group of people -which includes two of my lifelong friends - they are not the biggest social butterflies. Like I said, I've known SalesWoman for 10 years and I think CountryGirl and one of girl are the only two girls I've met through her previously. TheTeacher... well he's married with two daughters. His social life is pretty much what you'd expect. TheGrillMaster, he brings a few people around here and there, but 95% of the people he knows, I know too.

So to have this wildcard hottie show up today was pretty welcomed.

I knew I wanted her - and that I'd be "slow-gaming" her - from the moment I saw her. First impressions in a situation like this are CRITICAL.

She comes up to me right after I get out of the car at TheTeacher's house.

"Hi," she smiles. "I'm CurlySue."

I put my hand out. Grab hers. "I'm Daniel." Hold her hand for a second too long. Looking her straight in the eyes as I said it. Sending all the right messages, immediately.

After that, the tone was set. And this little game went on the rest of the day. We were vibing. Talking. Riding the rollercoasters together all day. When this group of six would pair off into twos to get on the rides, her and I were together 80% of the time.

We'd chat in line. And while we walked between rides. Got to know a lot about each other. In situations like this, I have several great advantages.

The first is the subcomms I just mentioned. This establishes the dynamic, and gives her permission to be attracted to you. To flirt back. But it's balanced with some challenging subcomms as well. Like not giving her my full-on body language. Or going slightly aloof and distracted.

The second is my conversational "arsenal." I've lived a great life. I have all sorts of shit to talk about. A lot of it is interesting, attractive, and different. It gets a girl's attention. It sets me apart.

The third is I just know how to carry on conversations, for hours if need be. We probably had a couple hours worth of combined conversation together. Never boring. My conversational style tends to meander and roam and then gets interjected with my one-liner, dry humor. I'm not a center of attention, gregarious person. But I have VERY good situational and observation humor. It works for me.

The result was I could tell she was attracted. The deep eye contact. Coming back to talk to me over and over when there were four other people for her to give her attention to. I caught her looking back at me a few times when I was talking with my boys, etc...

Anyway, this goes on all day.

But there's one complication: TheGrillMaster is trying hard too. Now, look. This guy is great. One of my best friends of all time. But she wasn't into him. At least not on the level she was with me. And at least not as soon off the bat as with me.

But he thought she was. Told me she was giving him great vibes.

Here's a fact: most guys who don't really know how to read situations like this (i.e. normal social interactions with girls) will OVERESTIMATE a woman's attraction for them. This was confirmed in several psych studies. I'm not talking about cold approach or a guy's perception of himself in general, but of an individual girl who he engaged with. Most guys mistake basic kindness for attraction. This is why you always hear about girls getting creeped out by guys at work or in their peer groups.

So anyway, he's overestimating and that's causing all sorts of obstacles.

At the least, it's just interference, and unnecessary jockeying.

At the worst, it's making this girl feel like she's in the middle of two bros battling for her. This is a huge RED FLAG to a girl. It sends off all sorts of low-value, desperate vibes. Think about what it really says about the two guys and you'll understand why.

It also makes her feel GUILTY for choosing one over the other. Like she will make one guy feel bad if she directly chooses the other. So she is now in a tough spot too.

So he starts flirting more and more aggressively with her.

In response, I just sort of fall off, go to hanging out with the rest of the group or sort of mingling by myself. Not going to get into the duel.

Now, I don't blame him. It's a normal thing to do. But whenever the situation has been reversed in my life and IT CLEAR A DYNAMIC HAS ALRADY BEEN ESTABLISHED between one of my boys and a girl, I back off. This has nothing to do with guy code. It has to do with understanding what I just said. It shows a lack of tact. Of social calibration. Of awareness. None of which are good signals to be giving off.

The moment of truth came when he said this to her: "So you live pretty close to us, right? We should hang out sometime. Here take my number."

I was nearby. I couldn't flat-out ignore that this was happening, so I just sort of nodded my head like "yeah, that sounds good, cool."

So she goes "Yeah awesome. Here I'll take both of your numbers..." AND HANDS HER PHONE TO ME FIRST.

I punch my number in. Show it to her in her phone. And then she gets his next.

So, at least in my eyes, her interest towards me was pretty clear. But the whole thing got muddied up pretty bad. The only thing I would have changed is in that phone exchange, I should have texted myself from her phone so I could get her number and then have showed her that, instead of just my saved contact info. Then I could have - under my own control - taken this offline and established a new context (one that my friend doesn't have i.e. having her number) around the whole thing. URGH.

I guess we'll see what happens. If I don't hear from her in a few days, I'm going to follow up with SalesWoman to get some further intel.

To wrap this:

When I look back on all the girls I've gotten in my life, whether it's been in meeting them through my social circle (like today) or out at clubs or approaching or anything else, there's a pretty clear pattern.

This is a guess, but I'd say 95% of the girls I've banged I've met under the following circumstances:

1) I was alone. Either out doing day-to-day stuff by myself or I'd splintered off from friends while out and happened to be alone when I met a new girl.

Obviously, when I'm alone, there's no one to hurt my game buy myself. Since I have sick game, that doesn't happen and I'm VERY successful. I don't advise going out alone in most cases, but I do admit that it is very effective if you have good game.

2) I was with basically out one of three groups of guys.

The first is the two guys I was with in NYC a few weeks ago. One has solid game and the other is the BEST I've ever met. So obviously, no issues when out with them. We're like a SEAL Team. Coordinated and working together, not against one another. There's a third guy in this group too. He doesn't have great game, but he's EXTREMELY friendly so he puts girls at ease and he NEVER COMPETES over a girl. I get new girls an insane amount of the time I'm out with these guys.

The second is my boy Promoliero. He's the best social circle builder I know and has top-level game. He used to be a big-time promotor and had pretty much his pick of all the best girls in our city, which he graciously passed on to me since he couldn't handle them all. We got along great because again, we both had top level game and were compliments to one another, not competition. We were unstoppable.

The last three are more or less the same. Guys with great game - who encourage game - and who know that at the end of the day it's about numbers and meeting a lot of girls. Not about competing over any one. Again, chances of me getting a girl when I'm out with these guys skyrocket. Not because they are gaming on my behalf, but just because of how the whole dynamic changes and my game can FLOW without interference.

Now, consider the following:

The total time I've spent with these three groups over the last five years is LESS THAN I'VE SPENT WITH ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS COMBINED... yet it accounts for probably 10x the "success" in terms of girls.

I hope my point is clear:

Whether you are meeting girls in social circle or daygame or nightgame or whatever - who you are with is a HUGE factor in your success.

Some friends are GAME ENHANCERS.

Others are GAME DETRACTORS.

This doesn't mean they have bad intentions - or that they are bad people - it's just a fact. And recognizing it will help "manage" who one chooses who to hang out with, and when.

If I'm trying to get girls, I want to have the ENHANCERS around.

If I don't care about girls and have some other goal for my social time, I'll spend time with the DETRACTORS because they are my friends and I love hanging out with them for other reasons.

Not all your friends have to be super high-status and feed you pussy and power and connections and respect all the time. When you want those things, you hang out with the people who provide them. When you want other stuff - like quality time with lifelong friends or a buddy to surf with or whatever else - you hang out with those people and don't worry about the rest.

It's just about having clear intentions for how you spend your time.

Today - for example - all I really wanted was to spend the day with TheTeacher and TheGrillMaster. And I did.

As much as I've talked about the other stuff here, the large majority of the day today was spent hanging out with two of my best friends in the world and having a great time at the park. That was the goal so the DETRACTION didn't matter but I just think it's important to know your purposes and act accordingly. Not just in this regard, but in everything in life.


Super long post but I think it addresses two big patterns I see again and again.

Guys CUTTING out loyal friends, lifelong friends, loving friends simply because they are "low value" and can't get girls...

And guys struggling to get girls because they don't realize that who you are with matters big time.

So just balance the fucking two. You'll thank me later.

Got some catching up to do. But first a few bullet point thoughts:

Building off the comments I made last post about WHO you are with mattering very much in game... WHERE you are matters just as much, and is often a factor of WHO.

In my own life, whenever I was with those guys I mentioned who I got laid with ALL THE TIME, a few other things were at play. Namely, either those guys were bringing me into cool social circle gatherings OR they were just more down to go out to places that are conducive to getting a lot of chicks.

I noticed this recently after I was out in an area where I USED TO SMASH box on the reg. I hadn't been there in a while. And I saw the hordes of sexy girls out and about and remembered how much opportunity there used to be when we'd go out there.

But these days, the guys I like to hang out with don't like to go to very popular bars or hangouts. They prefer to hit up quieter sports bars or divey spots.

This brings up a second random thought...

"You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with." The first time I heard this, it was from Tim Ferriss. He didn't make it up but that's where I heard it first.

I've been thinking about that a bit lately. Before I moved back to this town, I was friends with guys who had more interesting things going on. I'm not saying they were all risk-taking entrepreneurs or nomadic world travelers or whatever, but they all tended to have some "higher-level" stuff going on in their lives.

Unfortunately, the guys I hang out with in this town tend to be exceedingly average in nearly every way. I've mentioned it before, but there is nothing inherently wrong with that - it just doesn't jive with what I'm doing with my life. The good news is I will be moving back to that town next year so I'll be able to reintegrate many of those interesting guys back into my life.

But the bigger mission will be actively building my social network to bring the type of people I want into it. Not just social people. Not just people who I enjoy being with. But people who are similar to me in how they approach growth, living an adventurous life, and always pushing themselves.

OK, third and final point (at last for tonight)...

Speaking of my old town, I was reading my old journal last night. I started it about three months after I moved there. Unquestionably, this was the best time of my life. My day-to-day life was MUCH more interesting and even boring, routine days were exciting (I was working on coffee shops and surfing almost every day - lots of people to meet and things to happen when that's the case).

But it goes much deeper than that. Just reading it and I can tell I was feeling much more "Bulletproof" back then. I was dominant, sexual, happy, and basically immune to negativity. In every single part of my life. I read that and it's like "Damn, this guy is on top of the fucking world in every single way."

And I was.

I'm now trying to figure out how much of the change from then to now is from a few various things:
1) Living in a new area where I can't surf and have the same active lifestyle
2) Being in an office environment more often
3) Being more money and career oriented now than I was then
4) Some sort of emotional fallout from my breakup

I think it's a mix of all four of those. The first three are pretty obvious and once I move back, they all pretty much take care of themselves because my main focus becomes getting in the water and just getting my work done as fast as possible each day.

But how I "am" in the aftermath of my relationship is something I haven't really discussed. Or maybe even fully contemplated myself. The fact is, it was a tough relationship. We loved each other completely. But we just weren't right for one another in many way. That made it very tough.

And I've just felt "off" since then. Less confident. More anxious. Less vibrant and excited about life. I don't think it's depression because I feel happy. My days are pleasant. But I just feel like I've lost the edge - the pride in who I am, where my life is going, what I'm doing, how I contribute to this world. Everything.

Girls is a perfect and very obvious example. I've not had a dry spell like this in YEARS. And it's not because girls aren't attracted to me. I notice girls displaying signs of attraction towards me CONSTANTLY. Almost a laughably high percentage of them. I'm good looking, I carry myself well, etc...

But after that, things fall apart. I hardly pursue phone numbers and when I do, I'm very lazy about it. I'm not the confident sexual dirtbag I used to be either. All of this could be "rust" but I think it's deeper than that. It's a lack of desire. Not sex drive, as I'm a horny motherfucker - but real motivation to be spending time pursuing girls that I feel little for.

That's just one clear example. A lot of things feel similar. This post is probably not making a lot of sense since I'm talking about subconscious things that I can only notice when I really take survey of my thoughts/actions/feelings/behaviors.... so to articulate them is tough.

I intend to read more of that journal - really dig between the lines and see what it was that made me so goddamn invincible and successful in every way back then. Then I will reclaim it.

I've already started to improve a bit over the last couple of weeks as this realization hit me. Onward each day.

OK, now a quick recap of the last few days...

FRIDAY
Nothing really. I went to work and then stayed in on Friday because I was getting up early the next day.

SATURDAY
Two of my boys and I got up early and then drove about two hours to do a hike I've been wanting to do all summer. It was great. Waterfalls, cliffs to jump off of, a long, hard ascent up a mountain. And the weather was perfect. Next step is expanding the group I do this kind of thing with, to include girls and other cool bros (preferably ones I don't know as well.

I came home from that and then headed over to another friend of mine's place for a BBQ. It was cool. Not too many people. But it was good to see this guy. He's a cool bro and he's more social than a lot of the guys I hang out with so it's good to rekindle our friendship. I hadn't seen him in a long time.

There were a handful of single girls there. None were exceptionally hot. One was decent and was WAY into me but I didn't push it. If she had been a DIME PIECE I would have but under these circumstances I'd rather just see if I can't get this entire social circle more closely involved and more active as a group.

We also hit up a nearby bar. The bartender there was a sexy little Asian girl with blond hair. AKA one of my weaknesses. And a gorgeous smile too. Like an irresistible smile.

It wasn't too crowded so after mingling with the group I sort of saddled up at the bar, on the periphery of everyone I was with. This kept me in that group - including the attraction that was coming my way from one of the girls we were with - but also made me more approachable and easy to talk to for the bartender.

And we pretty much hit it off immediately. By about the second or third time she came up to me, I had her hand in my hand over the bar, chatting and talking about how we liked to spend our time. She'd go off to serve more people and I'd just stay seated, not facing the bar, but with my side to her. My body language was like this most of the time. This is a good mixed signal. Aloof and solid. But easily approachable and friendly.

I asked her for her number as we were leaving. She said she couldn't be seen giving it to me but gave me a piece of paper and told me to write my number on it. I wrote "Daniel (AKA the princess) XXX-XXX-XXXX." At one point I told her I needed 8 hrs of sleep. She accused me of being a princess, so that was fitting.

The next morning I woke up to a text "Hey there princess "

SUNDAY
I woke up, lounged a bit and then headed to the store to buy some new gym kicks.

Got a sick pair of Nikes. As I was checking out I noticed a banging Latina chick with long black hair, a perfect ass, and big tits looking at some stuff in the store. I resolved to go talk to her if she was still there after I paid for my shoes.

Sure enough, she was. My daygame approach anxiety is way high right now. Not the killer I used to me. So I get nervous.

But "Tiny Little Habits" I tell myself. Just start walking towards her.

This is a good trick. Usually, if you start walking towards a girl, you'll just go talk to her anyway. But you set the bar low for success.

That's what happened here. I start walking towards her. Next thing you know, I'm standing right next to her.

"Whatcha looking at?" I ask.

She responds. We fluff a bit. Basic stuff.

Then I ask her what she's up to later. I think this is a key line in daygame. It breaks the monotony of fluff talk and if your subcomms are solid, it's clear what's going on.

Unfortunately, she was there with a "guy she just started dating." Eh, whatever. Just talking to her was a small victory. I haven't been taking advantage of those opportunities lately. Like I've said, cold approach is whack under most situations, but it's scenarios like this... where you're doing your thing and a hot girl JUST HAPPENS to be around... are when cold approach is a very valuable tool.

MONDAY
Nothing of significance. I had a dentist appt. The hygienist was a 23 year old cute Asian chick. She was into me from the moment I came in. Asking me (literally) hundreds of questions. All about my life. Girls I hang out with. Why I broke up with my girlfriend. If I want a new girlfriend. And so on.

Finally I just say "So how about you? When are you gonna get a boyfriend?"

She responds she's been dating the same guy since 2007 and then bitches some about him. She was ripe for the taking. Clearly not happy. But girls in relationships is against my code. Wasn't always the case but that's how it's been for a while. So I just flirted and went on with my life.

TUESDAY (Today)
Started off as a fairly normal day. Worked. Hit the gym.

Then AsianBartender - who've I've been texting with since I got that princess text Sunday morning - wanted to know if I wanted to meet her from a drink at a place that's walking distance from my apt. So I agreed.

Walk over.

She's there. Even hotter than I remember. SCORE!

But, she's with a friend. She apologizes. Says the friend just kind of invited herself along and there was nothing she could do about it. This friend is cute though - and manages the bar where AsianBartender works - so she's definitely a good connection to make.

That said, I really wanted to kiss this girl and escalate like a dirty motherfucker on her. She's the first girl in a while I've really felt myself sort of opening up to in that regard. Pure desire. She seemed equally into me and I think as a "first date" this went really well (albeit when we were saying goodbye in front of her friend was got mad awkward - probably nothing to read into though).

Hopefully I can see her again Thursday. Tomorrow I'm likely going to be too busy and Friday I head to NY for four days. I'd like to capitalize on this while the momentum is there (if you don't, you often lose out in situations like this - where you'll be out of pocket for a bit).

LONG POST. Sorry I'm not sorry. It needed to be done. This journal hasn't been getting the attention it deserves.

You did the right thing. If you had gotten into a cock-fight with your bro, neither of you would've gotten the girl unless you pulled some slick jedi mind trick shit.

Honestly I could probably do better by learning some shit like that, but I would rather just get the girls that are into me, and work for me rather than the other way around.

In those situations I always just wait, play it cool, and let the other dude (eventually) blow himself out. If she ends up liking him and they get together, great! I'm happy for them. If not, then she'll contact me and try to set things up.

You're lucky you got good "enhancers" as you call them (in your previous town), I've got exactly one in my town that I hang with. They are tough to find. Guys with solid game are in general tough to find, never mind guys with good game that can read girls' interest, not get insecure, and cooperate.

I think the whole bulletproof feeling comes down a bit with time. In my undergraduate years I remember feeling like that, all hopped up on hormones and testosterone. It's different now, and slightly mellowed, but still strong.

It sounds like things are going well for you. I used that "just start walking" trick all the time when I was cold approaching, it's great. Patience with Asian girl, it sounds like it'll be tough to mess that one up, it's served up on a silver platter. If you're busy doing your shit, radio silence and time will always work for you, not against you.

When I meet a new girl, I usually invite her out with a group of my friends. She gets the out group bias, I get the center of the social group "in group" bias, and she'll automatically see me as higher value. If it's really on, she'll escalate logistics for me and I just let her and coax her along.

You game a bit differently from me though, it seems like you show interest sooner, where as I like to just fuck around and self amuse until I start getting signals. Might just be a development of white dude vs. Asian dude game. Who knows.

Any who, just some thoughts. Keep it gangsta.

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

Bro if I could just interject, it's been about 2 months since you've started this journal, and i don't think you've banged a girl yet?

I think you need to be more proactive in actually going out to make these things happen.

Other then that I look forward to your future endeavours and I look forward to reading a lay report from you!

_________________
Bite of more then you can chew
Then chew like hell

My Journey:viewtopic.php?f=22&t=192265

Yeah, I do show interest soon. It's always worked for me - which is one of the clues I'm gauging when I say something is off right now. I haven't calculated this but off the top of my head I'd say that in those last 6 months I was single before meeting my girlfriend I probably banged 95% of the first dates I went on. And if we didn't bang, we at least hooked up. It was just dumb.

I'm not even saying there SHOULDN'T be a bit of a readjustment period for me. My GF and I were together for nearly two years. That's not the longest time but the relationship was as intense as it gets. We were basically infatuated with one from the first time we hung out. Addicted to one another. Literally. The hardest I've ever fallen for a girl, no doubt.

It was a whirlwind. Within six months she was living with me. Two months later she had an offer for her dream job, so we moved, which is how we wound up in this city and why I left my previous city.

Then... I think living together and working and establishing ourselves in this new area, we just slowly realized we weren't right for one another. Too many clashes in values and principles and love styles and day-to-day living preferences. Which was tough because there was no "event" or falling out that broke us up. We were still very much in love until the day it ended (and after). Our chemistry was perfect. Put us in any bar and we were the happiest people in there. But "real-life" just didn't work well for us. It became clear it wasn't going to work well long-term and since marriage and all that was on the table, it was important for us to face that truth. VERY HARD to walk away from that, but the right decision.

When I first threw myself back into the dating pool, just before starting this journal, I went on a pretty fast streak.

Banged three new girls in about four weeks. I think I was probably ignoring the fact that I'd have to accept the way things turned out. Now, I am finally addressing that and I think that's why I've been having a bit of a lack of motivation and have been experiencing some "mental dissonance" in my life right now. I also needed to reintegrate myself into other social circles and activities too, which has been more of my focus over the last few months.

Ultimately, I have no regrets over the relationship. We rushed into it. Maybe that was a mistake but it was liberating to led my guard down and be taken up in those feelings at the time. I'd spent most of the previous two years fucking random girls and keeping them at a very arm's length relationship. It was good to find one that I just wanted to let in fully.

Moving was probably also a mistake. The ocean is my everything and I think it took leaving it to fully realize that. I've learned that whatever I do from here on in life, whoever I'm with, etc... the ocean is as important to me as anything else on this planet. It's like my third parent. It must be considered as such. I used to think this was trite or trivial. And I used to feel guilty about placing so much importance on it, like I was being selfish. But now I know it's not. It's as meaningful as can be.

I learned a lot about myself from the entire ordeal. I learned a lot about relationships and what they mean to me at this time in my life. I'm more self-aware. I'm also a better person after being with her - she had a heart of gold, great morals, and her loyalty to those she cared about was a mile deep. A lot of that rubbed off on me.

I also lucked into some things professionally in this current town that I wouldn't have if I never moved. Particularly, I met one of the very top guys in my industry and he's taken me on as his right-hand man. Meeting him was a turning point in my career and it would have not happened otherwise. And now that those things are in place, I can go back next year and return to my old lifestyle but with WAYYYYY more money and all the great growth I've undergone as a result of meeting him too.

All that said, and I suppose this is to address your comments, Rampage, I fully admit I'm in a dry spell. But I also fully admit that I'm pretty content with my life right now and it's improving in most areas almost every single day. As I figure out my way forward, I'm sure things will fall into place, and then I'll be slinging D all over once again. Just like the good ole days

Been a busy week and I've been neglecting this journal. I need to carve out a bit more time for it.

Anyway, today I had an important realization.

Last time I posted, I mentioned I was feeling a little off my game in life lately.

Seems like just posting that had some sort of subconscious kick in the ass as the last week has felt a lot better.

And here's the realization about what's different: back then, as the saying goes, I gave zero fucks.

Very few things bothered me. Very few things caused me to pause and get stuck in my head. Everything was just gravy.

Now, obviously, my life then was really no different. This is all perspective.

I had this beautiful detachment from outcomes in life. An effective aloofness. Total acceptance of just about everything.

Lately, I just seem to CARE TOO MUCH about almost everything.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you shouldn't care about anything. Or even that back then I didn't care about anything.

But I wasn't defined by any one thing and I wasn't "married" to any sort of future expectations or outcomes. I just took life - each minute, each day - as it came. I did my best, I worked towards my goals, and I made stress-free, easy progress towards them all. I let go of things very easily and I was very good at not giving my mental space away to things that didn't deserve it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is few things bothered me. I didn't worry, get anxiety, or have nerves over anything.

This even applies to small things. I'll give an example: today I was waiting on an email. Not even an important email. Just a casual reply from someone I'd sent something too. And I thought about it a lot.

It's easy to justify too. "This is important. This could be an important business development. I SHOULD care about this."

That's when this little realization hit me. In my "past life" I would have sent that same email. I would have hoped for the same outcome. But as soon as it was gone, I would have moved on with my life because career success, or anything really, wasn't weighing on me. I was just happy existing in the present, doing whatever I can to have fun and ENJOY MY LIFE.

And then, when I got the reply, I'd be happy. Or I'd send a follow-up if I never got a reply. But in between, it'd be completely out of mind. Zero fucks paid towards it.

I need more of that. Towards my career. Towards girls. Towards the future. Towards everything. Ask myself "Is this really important? Does it actually matter one bit to me?"

I think a big part of this is just being clear on what IS actually important. My family. The ocean. My friends. And being super critical and skeptical of everything else. Filtering my mental responses through the toughest of criteria before I give an ounce of mental or emotional payment to anything.

Yep. Zero fucks.

Continuing the brain dump from last post on giving zero fucks...

I'm still reading the book "Daring Greatly" that I've mentioned before.

I've been slow to get through it. Not because it's hard to read, but because I seem to pause and reflect after nearly every page. Brene Brown, the author, cuts through to the human condition in a very easy yet profound manner.

Reading it this morning, there is one part where she gives an anecdote about being the closing speaker at a three-day TED event. With all those accomplished speakers having gone before her, and all the accomplished and enlightened people in the audience waiting for her to close the event on a high note, she got anxious about her talk.

And as she walked on-stage she whispered this to herself: What's worth doing even if I fail?

That really struck me. I think it's probably the essence of what I posted about last time.

Life is really about confronting fear and living without regret.

This is where I used to shine. No fears. No regrets.

I remember when I was preparing to move. I'd be going thousands of miles from home. I knew one person in the city I was going to. Professionally, I had about 6 months left on my contract - which my employer at the time was thankfully letting me complete remotely from my new town before laying me off - and after that, I had no real network, no job prospects, and no real options in a town that is not exactly an economic or employment center. And so on and so forth.

And person after person would say something like: Daniel, aren't you scared about what's going to happen? Daniel, why are you doing this? Why are you leaving a great life to take such a chance? What will you do if it doesn't work out?

None of those thoughts ever crossed my mind. I was doing it because I knew I had to. Because traveling through that town a couple years ago, I felt something in the first few hours I was there. It was home. Like no place I had ever been before. I felt it in my gut and in that moment I knew I had to live there. To at least try and see if that gut feeling I had was correct, or forever live with the regret of knowing I had every opportunity to do it, but lost out to the fear of taking a chance.

Beyond that, outcomes were unimportant to me. Doing it was the only outcome. I fully accepted that maybe my gut feeling was wrong. That maybe actually living there would be a totally different ball game. But I always looked at it like this: if I go and at some point from now, say 6 months in, I go "Holy shit, this was a mistake" and then pick up and return to my old life... that is not a failure. That is a giant win.

Because I could say I tried. Because I'd never have to live with that regret. And if I came back to my previous life, I'd be able to get a new job, reintegrate with my old friends, and basically start right where I left off minus whatever savings and finances I'd lost in the process.

Money is renewable. Time isn't. So it was nothing but win. I'd have literally lost nothing, but gained so much.

Fortunately, it worked out in every single way.

But the lesson I'm thinking about today is how I approached it.

That same attitude used to follow me everywhere.

From small things like chatting up a cute girl on the bus, to introducing myself to new neighbors to changing careers literally overnight (again with no experience and no prospects, etc...), it was how I lived. No fear. No regret.

Always accepting that unless there's real, permanent harm to me or someone else, pretty much every risk I could ever take in life WAS COMPLETELY WORTH IT.

To me, that was giving zero fucks and it's why I was so completely invincible in my life.

I don't know when. I don't know why. But somewhere in the last year or so, I lost that. Too calculating. Too left-brained. Too cautious.

And I think a big reason why that happened was that the simultaneous assault of two massive undertakings in my life... moving in with my GF and trying to build that relationship into something AND building a business from ZERO CASH FLOW or literally starving...

The result was putting myself into a massive TIME DEFICIT.

I had little time for anything other than work and relationship.

Now, I don't regret either. And professionally, I think it was totally worth it.

But I paid the price for this period (which lasted about 18 months) in several ways.

Physically, I was in the worst shape of my life. Fatter and weaker than I'd been in years. Hormones all shot to shit. Visible aging and wear on my face (which thankfully, I think I've reversed recently - I'm almost 31 and commonly get told I look 26 or 27 ).

Financially, I ran through about $30K in savings and I believe the opportunity cost was closer to $100K or $150K - which will be returned probably a hundred times over with the earnings potential of my new career mapped out over the next several years.

But the biggest price was on my emotions. I had no time to tend to myself emotionally. I don't know if this is unique to me, but I seem to REQUIRE a fair amount of time to be alone, reflect on my life, and do a bit of "active meditation." That's what surfing has always been to me. I completely neglected the most important thing of all. Tending to and taking the time to love myself from within.

It's so important.

But when I was in such a time-starved from of mind, I almost never got that.

Interestingly enough, today is a perfect example of how I benefit from this.

It's Saturday. I slept in and have just been relaxing, reading, and reflecting on life all morning (it's now early afternoon). This free-flowing, no-worries state used to come naturally to me every single day, no matter what deadlines or stresses I was under.

But now I have to consciously tell myself to chill out, not worry about being productive or crossing too many items off my to-do list, and just enjoy a quiet day. I create stress for myself, literally out of thin air since I have no external pressures to do so. I'm naturally very ambitious and very type-A so I can easily get into the "do more" mindset.

In my mid-20s, I discovered how to escape that mindset and it was beautiful

This is another manifestation of GIVING ZERO FUCKS. Just enjoying my down time. Tending to myself and my needs. And letting the day unfold as it may.

And look at this post. When I do this, the revelations and the growth just pour out from me. Which is why not doing it for 18 months or two years or whatever it was altered my state of mind so profoundly.

I'm getting it back now. And it feels better by the day. I just need to actively cultivate these feelings of no fear, no regret, and no unneeded time obligations or stressful ambitions.

Great post. Next up for the day: a little exercise, a BBQ with a good friend, and then whatever else might come along.

Booyah!

Good shit.

On things that I give fucks about:

Sometimes, there's something that needs to be done, and I have to devote time and energy to it, but I still want to maintain my carefree, give 0 fucks state throughout my day.

My mental habit now is to not think about getting it done, or have it on my mind at all, I just focus on the next thing that I need to do to get it done. I just focus on the process of getting that thing done.

I think what generate stress for me is when I focus on the result of having that thing done, on the fact that crap I just need to finish that thing.

As long as I keep track of my to do list (written down in my phone) and I go through the motions of getting things done, I stay stress-free. If my brain starts thinking about WANTING to have that thing done, I just tell myself to act as if what I'm doing is what I'll be doing forever. I'll say to myself, "this is forever, so stop thinking about having it done." Then I stop worrying about the result and just enjoy myself and go back to self amusing while I get that thing done.

That was a lot of weird mumbo jumbo brain spillage, but yeah hope you can extract some sort of value out of that nonsense I just wrote.

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

That's spot on Unfazed. If you read the book Getting Things Done that I mentioned to you, a big component of that is just simply doing the "Next Action" for any project or task you're working on.

But what I'm getting at is one level deeper than that.

In the context of having a "To Do" as you mentioned, what I am talking about is more-or-less asking yourself:

Why even do this task/project/goal altogether?

Some things, that's an easy answer. You're obligated to do them. My brother's birthday is coming up. I want to get him something nice. So I will work with his wife, do a little recon, etc... to make sure he gets something he really wants.

That's an item that is both necessary and for me, has a huge ROI.

But other things, the ROI might not be there. Or it might not be there after careful, deep investigation.

Here's an example:

I'm fairly certain I have a business idea that I could easily scale to $100k/annual in just a few months. After that, I think it could be $500k maybe even past 7-figures in a couple years or so. I've seen similar ideas, with less than optimal execution, do at least that well.

I think, at least to that $100k mark, it would be a fairly manageable amount of work. Less than 10 hrs per week.

So that seems like a no-brainer.

But let's look deeper.

From my current activities, I already do way more than the $100k I'm anticipating from this new venture. In 2016, it will be several multiples more. Sorry, not willing to disclose exact numbers, but you guys should get the idea.

On top of the financial numbers, I also generate all this income:

--On my own schedule
--From wherever I want
--In less than 30 hrs per week
--With minimal stress as I've already mastered what I do

So why earn more? Each of those 10 hours I'm estimating as my weekly commitment could be spent surfing, or on a date, or hanging out with my friends, or spending time with my parents, and so on.

So is there a return on my investment, or just a continual cost?

Everything in life comes with an opportunity cost.

I guess what I'm thinking is that at this point in my life, most things are marginal improvements (as opposed to big incremental improvements). That might sound inflated, but it's true. Health, fitness, social skills, relationships, emotional strength, game, finances, personal freedom... I have achieved a high-level of success in almost every area of "development."

So the costs of pursuing any of those things now are pretty high. Because when I look at my life, the best parts of it are being outside in nature or spending time with others. So why do anything else, especially when I don't gain much from it.

That's where I am in life right now. I've been ruthlessly looking at how I look at my time commitment and asking myself "Do I really need to spend my time doing this?"

Applying that framework to everything from the big projects (like the venture I just mentioned or spending a lot of time on game or whatever) all the way to tiny, minutia items (like doing my laundry or responding to an email)... is a great practice. I used to do it without thinking. The last few weeks, I've been doing it again and the impact is immediate and profound.

And I'll end with this: having that sort of clarity naturally creates the aloof, non-chalance and zero-reactivity that makes social interactions and sexual interactions much more fun. It helps you simply live in the present. And it makes you irresistible to women and enviable to men.

Again, in just the last few weeks, the subcomms I'm putting off have had that impact and the reactions I get from people have been noticeably improved. Even though I'm not doing anything really.

Wow. What a month.

Here's the 60-second recap:

Spent the first 11 days of the month in Manhattan.

Had an interesting couple of days at home.

Went to Lake Tahoe for 6 more days.

Finally, got home a couple of days ago and am now readjusting to a more normal life.

So much to unpack from that whirlwind.

I'll try to start at the beginning, hopefully the formatting can help with readability as this is going to be a long one... (you've been warned motherfuckers, ha!)

NYC Reintroduces Daniel to Daygame, and It's Non-Game Benefits

I had my first real, replicable success with game in nightclubs. I had always been a partier in my early 20s so unlike a lot of guys, I felt pretty comfortable in these settings. All I really needed to do was banish a fear of approaching and escalating and I was off to the races.

Nightgame is actually pretty easy when you crack the code.

It basically boils down to recognizing that phone numbers are 95% worthless and you are therefore approaching and escalating for a hookup before closing time. Time works against you, so you must move swiftly. That's like three skills: approach, escalate, handle logistics.

Unfortunately, those three skills can be very hard to get through from a fear/mindset perspective because they basically require you to come from the proud position that you're a disgusting, sexual Dirtbag who wants nothing else but to fuck. That's a great, healthy mentality, IMO, but it's VERY tough to cultivate for myriad reasons.

That said, anyone who read what I was posting in 2012, when I was no longer really doing the nightlife thing, and trying to learn how to get girls in "daygame" (I kind of hate that word, but will use it for simplicity and ease of clarity), will know that I've long had a love-hate relationship with it.

Most of the hate comes from misconceptions that I discovered as I was becoming good at it. These are mostly marketing claims that are just completely untrue. Off the top of my head:

1) Daygame is the great equalizer.
Or something to that effect. I think what happened is a lot of the gurus and marketers realized that much of their clientele was introverted, intellectual, and more reserved. They didn't like loud bars and clubs. They didn't want to deal with large mixed groups. They didn't want to yell. They wanted to talk, be conversationalists with a girl one-on-one, etc...

So the PU gods and gurus said: Hey, anyone can do daygame!

The problem there is daygame requires one or both of the following: a very crowded, densely populated city with high foot-traffic and public transit use OR a lifestyle where you are able to basically be out and about in the world enough to make up for not living in one of those cities.


The outcome is the same: you can do lots of approaches in any given week. Why? Because guess what - daygame requires more skills than nightgame and take a lot of practice to get good at. I believe it requires the same skills as nightgame, modified and calibrated to a different environment, and then added to with good conversation skills, interesting stories, etc...

I fortunately, have/had the lifestyle part so I made it work in a medium-sized city. But it took like 6 months to get consistently hot girls from it and that was coming from a place of already being good with girls in other setting.

2) Daygame gets you hotter girls.
This one is laughable. It may get you proximity to hotter girls since you're not roped off from the hottest girls at the tables like in a club, or dealing with white-knight bros clinging to their hot girl social circle in a bar... but at the end of the day, if a hot girl isn't interested in you when the sun goes down, she's not going to be interested in you while it's out either. If you're a zero, you're a zero... and you need to work on yourself.

3) Daygame is less flakey and more receptive.
Not really. Actually, it might be more flakey. Here's why: in a bar, a girl is more likely to blow you off and just say no if you ask for her number. In the day, there's a lot more social pressure to be polite and it's way more awkward for her to say no, so she just gives you a flakey number. This applies to them being receptive too. Sure, they may be polite when you first approach, but remember: they are probably going somewhere, running an errand, or something else. They may actually be HARDER to stop and engage in the day.

OK, so all of that said, I believe daygame is really valuable.

First - as I've mentioned before, it's basically day-to-day insurance. Hot girl strolls up next to you at Starbucks and you have a chance.

Second - it's probably the most similar form of "cold approach game" to getting girls in social circle and lifestyle/hobby type interactions. The problem with those is it can be hard to practice since the pool of talent is low, so daygame lets you get at least some similar practice in without being a pariah in your social circle for trying and failing to fuck every girl in the group haha!

Third - and this is the intangible one that I LOVE MOST - daygame is a trojan horse for simply getting you out of your head while your out and about in the world... stopping you from thinking about what you have to do tomorrow... or what happened yesterday at work... and getting you to interact - in the moment - with the world around you. Suddenly, you're interacting with strangers more. You're talking to everyone (guy, girl, young, old, short, fat, etc...) simply because your engaged with the world. You're noticing everything around, enjoying it, etc... Things like commuting to work, walking to the corner store, and running errands become exciting little social adventures.

I felt so much better each day because of this. More alive. Less stressed. More social and friendly and positive. And that's lasted as I've gone about my days since.

I've always said daygame (and really any non-nightgame) is all about just being curious, playful, and flirty and in effect, this is just carrying that mentality over to everything and everyone you come across. It's glorious.

So all that said, daygame in NYC just sort of naturally "happens." You don't even really have to try. You walk and ride the subway so much it's almost unavoidable to get at least a couple of approaches in each day. Stores are so crowded that it's just way more likely that you head down that aisle and BOOM! hottie on aisle 6!

Anyway... over the course of 10 days, I just sort of "floated" into about 30 approaches. I'm not an approach machine so I think that's pretty good. I don't really go out of my way to approach. That's another stupid daygame thing: these guys that actually "go out daygaming" and literally run girls down on the street. Not a great thing IMO. Just go about your day and talk to the babes who happen to be nearby doing the same thing you're doing.

Of those, 30 or so approaches, I think I got 6 or 7 phone numbers. All but one of those flaked. And unfortunately, I wasn't able to meet up with her until about 2 hrs before I headed home on a weekday afternoon for coffee. So nothing really happened there although she has texted me with some regularity since so probably a good prospect next time I'm there.

Most of my approaches probably fell into a few categories:
--Girls walking same direction as me on the street. I open these girls like a normal person, usually observing something about them, like how they are dressed, the shopping bag they are holding, etc...
"How was work?" ... "How was your workout?" ... "What're you listening to?" ... "Did you buy some delicious groceries?"

--Girls on the subway. Pretty much the same thing. Opening on the book they're reading, how's they're day going, headed anywhere exciting, etc...

--Girls next to me in line at store, or in the same aisle or whatever.

So, this probably brings up two questions:
What about girls walking towards you on the street?
I don't really bother. I'll smile and sort of ping for eye contact, maybe even wink, and if they smile back or giggle, I'll get them to stop. But this is really hard, very low percentage and unless you have some sort of indication that she thought you were cute, you're better off just going on with your day. You are headed somewhere after all, right?

Why don't you open direct?
Look: I think all good game is direct at it's core. But my experience has taught me that opening direct is only good as a last ditch effort. In nightgame, it's different, but in daygame, unless you absolutely can't think of anything else to say, I'd rather you open like a normal human being making conversation. Even from there, if I'm forced to go direct at the spur of the moment, I'll usually compliment something like shoes or hair or pants, so it's more about style (another normal human conversation) than about them personally.

I think regardless of what you say, you want to have positive energy, be upbeat, have a friendly look on your face, and slightly more animated than her. That's kind of approach 101, but bears mentioning.

It's funny, each day I sort of remembered key little things from back in the day. Things like it's important to get her to stop if possible. An insta-date is the best outcome (because it either makes a phone number more solid or even gets you a hook-up that day). You have to keep her from ejecting early because that's social convention - polite, hey how are you, I'm good, byebye type of conversations. Few people actually stop to have real conversations.

It wasn't until the last day or two that I was like "Hey, I remember how this works!"

Daniel Blows Shot at Slaying a Perfect Booty

Here's a telling example:

I was on the subway. Technically, it was night but it's all the same on the subway on a Wednesday. Maybe 11pm or so and I was headed home after dinner with a friend.

At the other end of the car was a gorgeous mixed race girl. Painfully hot. She spent the entire train ride reading. She wasn't anywhere near me or I would have chatted her up during the ride. But as chance would have it, she shared the same stop with me. So we exited at the same time and as we were walking out two things happened:

1) For the first time I saw her ass. It was created in heaven. Gigantor begins to stir inside my pants.

2) I exit alongside her and ask "What're you reading? Must be good. You were glued to it the entire ride."

She immediately makes huge eye contact, beams a big smile, and says "This" while showing me the cover. It's Steinbeck.

I'm like "Wow, that's a classic. Good for you. How is it?"

She replies. What she says is less important than how she's saying it. She is hooked. Smiling, talking... looking at me like I'm the highlight of her day.

In other words, it was on.

So we continue like this through the subway station. And here's where I'm rusty:

We reach the exit and are headed in opposite directions. I didn't even think about it and as I go left, she's like "Well, I'm this way" as she stops, dead in her tracks, and points to the right. She's looking at me with this open-ended, inquisitive body language and hopeful look on her face.

And I'm so not even in that mindset that like a fucking idiot I go "Oh OK, well have a nice night."

STOP STOP STOP. FUCK YOU DANIEL. YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT.

Yes, this was a huge misstep.

She said that hoping, praying I'd do something about it. Her stopping and saying she was going the other way was girl-talk for "Hey, I think you're cute, I'm enjoying this, I want you to lead it further." Practically no girl will stop to say that, so this is as good as it gets gents.

And I fucked it up.

Let's think this through: This is the West Village. There are bars, restaurants, and coffee shops packed on every block. It's also 11pm on a weekday, so like me, she was probably headed home and therefore had NOTHING on her agenda.

I could have easily seen if she wanted to continue chatting over a drink or coffee.

From there, we'd go get that drink and I'd then escalate like a slimball and slay her rotten for hours afterwards

Or... if she was like "Oh that'd be great, but I have to get up early for work" or whatever, I could put in a very solid tentative plan and number like "That's cool. What're you up tomorrow? We should continue this... OK cool... how about 4pm? ... Good, OK here put your number in my phone and we'll figure out the details in the morning..."

Epic fail. But good to type it up to learn. God, that ass. I would have eaten that thing for days [yes, serious, I'm a dirty fuck].

Dudes, a lot of success is about how persistent you are and how willing you are to control the direction of the interaction. I failed that here. Let that be a lesson.

Holy shit... this is a novel... and we're just getting warmed up... breaking this up to multiple posts.

Daniel Goes to a Club, Narrowly Misses Out Banging His Dream Girl!

Fuck! I just typed out that epic subway fail... and now I have to type out an even bigger one.

DAMMIT! SO RUSTY!

It's Saturday. I'm still in NYC.

A buddy of mine is celebrating his birthday. We go to Meatpacking District (where all the clubs are). We have a table. There are a bunch of us. More girls than guys. Good looking girls too. I'm dressed like a boss.

All of this = Instant status in the club.

The moment I walk in I see her. She's at the table next to ours, but all the way on the end opposite me.

Petite. Probably 5'3" with heels on. Maybe 90 lbs. Dark complected Asian. Flawless skin. Big, dark eyes and lashes. Blond highlights. Long hair to nipples.

If you know anything about me, then you know this girl is BONER CITY for me.

I stare at her. We make eye contact. She holds it for a split second and looks down while giving a coy smile. I know it's on.

I spend the next 30 minutes or so just interacting with my group. There are plenty of girls here I haven't met, so I'm casting a wide net. Introducing myself to them. Chatting up the bros who I didn't know either. Dancing a bit. Chilled out, cool club-game. I'm not the high-energy guy, but I'm composed and social. I eventually start chatting up the girls on the other table next to ours (we were in the middle table).

At some point, this little Asian 10 (let's call her AsianTen!) and I make eye contact again. I move from the far opposite side of my table to the side closest to hers. She's still on the other side of hers.

But wouldn't you know... not one minute later, she has found an excuse to start talking to her friend, who was right next to me.

GAME ON!

She talks to her friend for a second. Shows her something on her phone. They both get animated.

So I put my hand on her back (touch immediately) and say "What's so exciting?"

Worst line ever? Maybe, but it doesn't matter. She's hooked. Fully. Right away.

We fluff a bit. Names, pleasantries, etc... She's investing. Asking me questions. Dancing in place next to me. Giving me open body positioning. I'm touching more and more.

After a minute, I talk to her friend. Have to keep her engaged. She's really hot too, which always makes it more fun.

Then, I get a bit of a gift from the tang-slaying gods: everyone at this girls table, which is probably 2 more girls and another 4 guys or so... they all leave! Exchange goodbyes with my two girls, sign their tab, and just exit the club.

So now I'm left with these two girls, who are both loving me. This is good, but it creates a whole new set of logistical problems.

We'll get to that in a second, since it was ultimately my downfall.

But first, let's enjoy the moment...

Here I am. One of the girls I showed up with has been chasing me hard the whole night. Now, I have these two smoking hot Asians all over me too.

Even though I have the table, I know I need to move them around a bit. So I suggest we go to the bar to take shots.

By this point, AsianTen and I are "an item." She leads the way to the bar. Holding my hand. Turning around to make sure I'm following her through the crowd. Pushing her body against mine when we stop walking.

We go to the bar. Rip a shot. Back to my table.

Now things are really heating up. TheFriend is on me now too. My buddies would comment that at this point, they were certain I was going to have a threesome with these two. It was certainly on my mind too.

But, I'm hedging. That's high-risk. So I'm focused mainly on AsianTen, figuring if it works out, I can get both, but making sure I put most of my effort into her.

Physical and verbal dirtiness ensue...

Pulling her into me. Firmly grabbing her inner thighs. Pulling her hair. Telling her all sorts of dirty Daniel things...

"You have no idea what I'm doing to do to later."

"Why are you so fucking sexy? Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to not tear into you right now."

"I'm going to taste every square inch of you... from head to toe..."

It was awesome. I love shit like this. Straight Dirt.

I get her involved. Ask her what she wants to do to me. Her (incredible) one word response, whispered straight into my ear: "Everything."

I have a raging hard-on. I push it into her. Put her hand on it. We grind more. I'm feeling her sweet nana through her dress. Feeling up her tits. We're having a great time.

This is basically what we do for a while Which was great and awesome fun, but a mistake in some ways.

That's because meanwhile, TheFriend is getting straight bombed. She went from normal to fucked up real quick.

Usually, especially in NYC, this wouldn't be a problem. I'd say, hey, time for you to get a cab and I'd throw her into a cab and take my girl for myself.

But this girl lived all the way out in Queens. And she was fucked up enough that I was concerned about doing that.

So... what now?

Unfortunately, all my boys have left by this point. I have no wingmen except the sketchy club promotor, who's been macking TheFriend. Again, I didn't feel comfortable with that, so I pulled her away from him.

I just keep going back to being a dirtball on my girl, mandhandling her, making out with her, etc... thinking she's turned on that this will all work itself out.

That's dumb.

YOU MUST ALWAYS PLAY THE LOGISTICS.

So eventually I snap out of it, at least a little bit.

Here's my logistical situation: I'm actually staying in a studio very close to here. It's an easy cab, like 3 minutes. But it's a studio, so for some stupid reason, I'm like, I can only pull my girl back.

Again, dumb. I should have pulled them both back. TheFriend would have either a) had to deal with me banging the shit out of her friend in front of her, and maybe have wanted to try as well or b) more likely, would have just passed out.

And here's another point: I don't like to pull under false pretenses. Whenever I bring a girl back to my place, I've already established so much sexuality that I don't need to say stupid shit like "We should go listen to this new album I bought."

I just say, "I'm taking you home now." And she's in.

Without TheFriend, that's what I would have done. But, in a situation with friends, those little pretenses should be used and they should be used as a team. Me and AsianTen would have been in on it together. She'd know I was taking her back to pillage her to eternity, but we'd sell it to the friend as "We're gonna go back to Daniel's to listen to music and drink wine! Yay!"

Then, we'd be in it together.

That's what I should have done. Always progress. It wouldn't be ideal, but it'd be progress.

Barring that, I should have just left with them to their spot. What's a $50 cab back to Queens if I slay some perfect ill-nana? Nothing really.

DUMB DUMB DUMB.

I guess I learned a lot on this trip.

Anyway, I have her number. And we've texted a little bit since then so maybe the next time I'm in NYC I can give it a shot, but these things - especially if you've gone for broke like I did with the escalation - can be hard to rekindle.

But fuck: I really enjoyed this girl. Not just on a physical level, but on a complete level. More than any girl I've met since I met my ex. She was great.

Keep clearing that rust away, I suppose.

That's the highlights from NYC. There will be more retrospective stuff to come, and other things to catch up on since, but I've been typing for a while now. I'll finish later.

You'll find more like her, no worries bro. Just limber up, you'll get in the flow. Seems like this shit is easy for you, you're just fumbling the grounders a bit because you haven't put gloves on in awhile. I completely expect you to be slaying very soon.

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My Pick-Up Journal