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This would work better in mid-game, but it's not my style as well. I would be a little more coy, playful and mention doing something innocent (non-sexual) back at one of our places while I'm heavily escalating on her to cause cognitive dissonance.
Plausible deniability. What do you normally use?
Listen buddy, at the moment specific structured lines or routines should not be your main focus. What SHOULD be your main focus?
Your attitude, mindset, beliefs, body language, and tonality.
From what I've read about you, these are what are really limiting your success with women. No matter how great a line you have, if it isn't delivered congruently then it's not gonna work.
From all the indications you've given us, these important points are "off" for you. (You mentioned that someone told you that you give off a serial killer type of vibe).
I'll strongly, strongly , STRONGLY advise that you focus on these points before going into the theory of specifics of what to say.
You may be asking, how do you fix this?
REAL WORLD ADVICE AND MODELLING.
You need someone to physically and in person display those mindsets, behaviours, and body language that you should be displaying. I'd suggest:
1. Get a GOOD wing that you can go out with, observe, and then do your best to emulate the GOOD points of his behaviour
2. Get a GOOD instructor who will offer in person coaching
3. Watch videos of guys who are GOOD with women and emulate what they do and to some extent say