Some examples of ass on online dating...
Me: Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Her: Hello(: going great cant complain. how about yourself?
Me: Let me ask you something, do you like green eggs and ham or blue eggs and ham?
No response.
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Me: hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Her: Pretty good! Hows your week going?
Me: Great actually, I can't wait to go out with my friends and have fun this weekend! If you're going to seduce me via the internet I need to know some things about you. How many five year olds can you take in a fight?
No response.
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Me:
Hey gorgeous, how's it going?
Her:
Heyy, great just found out my morning class is cancelled tomorrow yay

lol How are you?
Me:
I love seeing a girl that actually lifts weights. Let's see... If you're going to seduce me via the internet I need to know at least a few random and useless facts about you. How many five year olds can you take in a fight? I'm guessing 30-40ish.
Her:
I love lifting! I beat my squat PR yesterday... I'm at 185 now
Hmm 5 year olds can get kinda crazy... Let's go with 23? Lol
Me:
I'm impressed.
Good, I like a woman that can squat and woman handle some kids around. Tell me a little more about yourself. I eat paleo and gluten free, that would be so many bonus points if you ate foods like that...
Her:
Lol I'm not totally paleo but close... I eat a lot of fish/chicken, veggies/fruit, nuts, hardly any dairy, obsessed with anything coconut, I don't completely avoid grains and beans though... I like quinoa and sometimes eat SPAM with a scoop of protein powder mmm

lol. Do you have Celiac or just decided to be gluten-free for the hell of it?
Her:
Add me on Instagram if you want to see what I eat lol (her user name)
Me:
Nice, I like your diet, especially the coconut, I experiment with it all the time in cooking. I just can't date a girl that "tries" to eat healthy and exercise, I need the real deal.
Give me your phone number and we can continue this conversation offline.
No response.
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Me: Hey there gorgeous, how's it going?
Her: Well hello there good looking! I'm a bit tired but doing well nonetheless. How are you? (sent me pictures of her, very good looking girl)
Me: Quite the opposite of tired actually. I'm just about to go to the gym. Do you like to keep fit and healthy?
No response.
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Me: Hey there gorgeous, how's it going?
Her: How are you!
me: Thus begins the internet seduction process. Alright, go ahead and seduce me, I'm waiting.
Her: haha, you first.
me: Ahh, where to start...take a dump on my chest.
her: ew
Ok this one is a joke, I know why she didn't respond...
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The following are girls that gave me their number either in person or on a dating website and these are the texts...
Me: Hey sexy, this is (myusername) from (dating website). Now that you've got my number tell me your name so I don't save you as a sexy whore. :p (Note: that's what she called herself)
No response.
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Me: Hey Colombiana this is (my name) from bookstore, how's it going?
Her: Hey, my name is Karen btw.
me: Alright Karen, you better not be some crazy old woman that wants to date rape me.
her: Yeah right, I'm the one that should be worried.
me: you should be, after all I'm immune to date rape drugs so you'll just have to seduce me the old fashioned way.
no response
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Me: Hey Cutie, my name is (myname), now tell me yours.
Her: Her name
Her: Nice to meet you, What do you do in (my city)
Me: (Pic of food that I made)
Her: Oh, I make that too! That's my favorite.
(picture of food)
blah blah
blah
Her: Went to such and such place ( more pictures of food)
We should make some together some time.
me: Oh, never been there, what is it. I'd love to make it together with you sometime.
Her: Sounds good, what are you up to today?
Me: Gym and hanging out with friends, and you?
Her: Yes, same here. I'm heading to Christmas party later tonight, excited.
me: Awesome, we should meet for coffee or tea, what does your Christmas week look like?
Her: I'm (away at parents) until the first week of January
me: Alright, you have yourself a very merry christmas.
me(week later): hername!!!
her: who is this??
me: prince charming duh.
her: ?
No response from me, didn't know where I was going with that one and didn't care anymore.
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