Here's a bunch of statuses I like. Some I have tested, others will soon be tested.

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"___thinks brunettes do it better." lots of girls qualifying themselves.
"___is out saving the world.......one girl at a time

"
"___is debating whether or not he should contact his physician about his erection lasting more than 4 hours." lots of comments
"___just noticed that someone got onto his facebook and deleted all the hot girls

"
"___has been cleaning up his friends list... if you're reading this, congratulations! You're still cool! But don't get too comfortable

"
"....seriously.. is there any girl out there that can even keep up?"
"___is officially (your college)'s #1 bachelor."
"___is tired of girls just wanting him for sex.. Im a human being with EMOTIONS!"
or
"___is tired of women treating him like some kind of sex object. I have feelings too you know!!" lots of comments
"...a one minute kiss burns 26 calories, so if you need help working out, I've been told that I'm a great spotter."
"___is now accepting Girlfriend Applications. Must be 18 or older to apply. "
"___has had enough of girls that are only beautiful on the outside" - got a bunch of likes from guys and girls and a couple girls comments.
I've been meaning to comment on this thread for a while.
Pretty much all those statuses not just the ones i highlighted make you like a complete try hard and shows everyone that you are not getting laid. Sure girls may comment but thats about it.
I can think of a few guys back in college who wrote things like they were the permanent friendzoned nerds who were not getting any.