Quote:
A portion of something I wrote about love once before PUA.
I believe the problem's root cause is intersubjectivity. Society has defined love for you; what it feels like, looks like, and how you're supposed to act. This happened because language is communal; we define concepts through our individual, subjective experiences. We then share our similar subjective experiences intersubjectively to better understand life and our surroundings. So you describe what you're feeling by how someone else described his or her similar situation. However, emotions are internal; so how do you know you're at the emotional level they were? You don't.
So how do you fall in love with someone? Well... you liked the person first. As time went on, that feeling grew stronger and stronger. We know that love is an immensely stronger feeling than like. And I have no problem with using love to simply better describe your feelings, but the majority of people don't use it because it is linguistically more descriptive. They use it because they think they're in that "risk your life, kill me not them, I can't move on, we're meant to be" kind of love.
I 'love' it when my peers talk about how younger kids aren't in love. Then after their done conversing on the subject, they turn around and tell their partner "I love you". What makes their love real and the younger kid's love fake? We both know what you're thinking, even if you don't admit it. They don't do those physical things that people in love do. But I must be confused… I thought love was an emotional connection…not a synonym for lust.
Maybe you weren't thinking physical, you were thinking emotional. You didn't believe they were in love because they are so young? This is true; they can't get into an R rated movie or even cross the street by themselves. Basically, they haven't fully matured into the person that they will be for the rest of their life. But have you? I think the high divorce rate of our country is a result of this "illusion of maturity". Many people get married while their young. "But mom I'm in love! What else do I need?" Then after a couple years, as they finish maturing, they grow apart since and they are no longer as compatible.
The result is a divorce. And the ones who don't divorce have kids. These kids are then raised in a household, under the assumption that their parents are in love. In these households, constant fighting and other such things become commonplace. These kids are then raised in the faux-love SPAM thinking that those things exist in every loving couples relationship. So when they "fall in love", that kind of stuff is acceptable, helping this pandemic of intersubjectively understood love spread. On the other hand, I have noticed that these things are not commonplace for married couples that took their time, and made sure they were truly in love. These marriages are becoming infrequent, just adding to the problem.
Really good point. Excellent motherfucking point.
Young kids can fall in love, absolutely. It's an intense, primal, brutal love because it's not complicated by boundaries or social morays. Ever seen those videos where girls are tearing out their hair while Elvis is performing? Ever read Romeo and Juliet? Shakespeare nailed it on the head on the blind intensity of young people in love. It gets dangerous.
I remember the first guy I was in love with. I was in 7th grade. I toyed with him, broke his heart, and broke my own in the process. I remember being in so much pain, I thought my life was over. Where do you think bad teenage poetry comes from?
But what does this mean to the rest of us? We're not 14 anymore, and we've got our own lives and responsibilities and feelings to "guard." Love exists. However, I think society has defined "love" as more than just the primal chemical reaction. Just like we've clumped a legal union and a spiritual union under one term "marriage," the word "love" has taken on more than it can really handle.
Why is it so easy for love to turn to hate? The chemical reaction is so raw, that when compounded with all this societal responsibility, we can get hurt and turn to hate as a defense mechanism.
I don't believe in "true love." I believe all love is real, for if I conceded that I have loved falsely then I've also confirmed I think falsely. I still love all of my loves, though they are the few, the brave, and the proud.