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Christmas, why did you two break up in the first place?
She dumped me because I became an AFC. She loved the badass dude I was before, but as the relationship evolved I finally started to have feelings for her, and I became jealous and wasn't a challenge anymore.
Being "in love" for the first time I was certainly smothering her. I learned from my mistakes though, and after she ended things it was weird and it was on/off like "lets get back together" then "lets not".
She hates me now, hates me for all the reasons she used to love me. Also probably because it didn't pan out like she had planned, and that I turned out to be the biggest cliché of all.
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While there may be some truth to this, you're speaking more out of a hurt ego than anything else. You've 'lost' something, a part of your self so you feel and need to replace it with something shinier, something 'better' (it's not that one girl is better than the next, but rather more suited to your wants, needs, and desires).
Regarding this other girl. A part of you still loves your ex, yet are receptive to the idea of getting involved with another girl. Why would you disqualify this other girl who's likely in a similar circumstance? Are you safeguarding? Are you perhaps disqualifying her to avoid putting the effort in and facing prospect of rejection? I wonder...
I've definitely wondered about that. And it probably might be a factor. I had to hustle pretty hard to get with my ex who at the time when I started flirting with her had a boyfriend, so i'm tired of working so tough, then again, hard work pays off.
I've told myself that I would definitely pursue the chick when I stumble upon her, but i'm not actively trying to meet her. Probably should.
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Keep on keepin' on. Put yourself in situations where new opportunities will arise, MAKE things happen, don't wait for life to happen to you. Be receptive to others, go out with friends. The more you shell-up them ore you'll reminisce on the good times you had with the ex, so it's important to not only be proactive but also work towards things that will make you a better man.
On a separate note, don't belittle yourself for not being fully over your ex. Males are socialized to be tough and to suck it up, which I think is at odds with how the human brain has evolved. Accept that she was at one point a special part of your life, she's a part of your history, and honor that rather than trying to wash it from your memory embrace the good times and all you've learned. Some people like to stay bitter and resentful and color their ex's as awful people but doing so is a slight to yourself because obviously you saw some good in her. Anger begets anger, and keeps the person in a toxic place preventing them from moving forward. Accept that you'll occasionally have thoughts of her, which is perfectly normal - thank your brain for the thought and then get on with your day/
I perfectly understand what you mean and I embrace that theory. I have no hate towards her, which is funny because she is the angry, but she is also the one that dumped me and caused all the ruckus.
I know i'm good at picking up chicks, the only thing I need to work on is opening strangers. I only get with girls that I meet through friends, and we live in a small city where everyone knows everyone and i'm not afraid to say the girls are smoking. I never really went out towards an unknown woman because I don't know how to open, and that all the openers I read online are so crappy/cheesy. The only one that worked correctly was "Whats your name?" and it happened with... my ex.