Online... shows interest.... and married?



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PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 7:07 pm 
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Okay, for the sake of learning (since im not a skilled PUA at the moment) perhaps you (the more experienced and skilled) guys out here can tell me what you think of this situation, whether its a go or a no-go for you, and how you would approach it.

I get this random facebook add from a total HB.

I check out her profile. She is in LA (my area). Just moved there. Apparently she is married. She wrote a blog about how her husband got a job and didn't tell them they where moving till like now. So she is very new to the area. Oh and shes like 19.

Now, having been married at 20 to an 18 year old HB, i know that these marriages ain't shit. Doomed to pain and misfortunes with VERY few exceptions. (my opinion, yeah but i DO have experience here).

So anyway, back to the profile. I add her as a friend. She has this app on her profile where she can ask a question to all her friends that i really wanted to answer. The question was "Just curious, but what do you like to do on a first date?" heheheh. As you can expect, all the AFC guys are giving out answers like the following:
Quote:
get drunk!!! And maybe ill get lucky later that night haha, nah im kidding.
Very nice indeed. However i had a little fun with it. My answer was:
Quote:
No Hot Carl's on the FIRST date. Dirty Sanchez is a go, golden showers a must, Donkey Punch definitely. But not the Hot Carl. I'm saving myself for marriage.
Outragous!!! lol. Definitely stood out. I then send this chick a message that said,
Quote:
"I noticed you added me as a friend. From what i can see on your profile you new to LA... Welcome."

Simple, i really wanted to be clever and funny the whole way through but, oh well.

The next day is get two updated in Facebook from her. One is a comment to my "wall" which is:
Quote:
Dirty Sanchez and golden showers?!?! Wow...someone is a dirty boy! :P


Not sure what to make of it, really.. ... And then i got a message responding to my message to her that went like this:
Quote:
Very new...thank you for adding me :)

How are you?
How are you?... How are you?. What the hell kind of question is that anyway. That's a one word answer and then you look and feel like and idiot for answering.

Okay well that is it. I know that a lot of you are thinking, "dude, this is just some chick online... go outside.." I know, I know. But i want to know how some of you handle situations like this. First of all, is there a shot? Second of all, what would you do to take that shot? I haven't responded for a couple of days but now its the weekend and i'm bored.

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 7:40 pm 
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well if she requested you as a friend theres always a shot...you just have to play your cards right because theres she obviously interested in you or something about you

throughout your convo i'd point it in the direction of asking why she requested you or something along those lines to see what she says

if she says im looking to get to know people around the area, build some comfort, but keep on with the cocky/funny and neg a fews times if necessary

eventually offer to give her a tour around town to a couple hot spots, either day or night, is she accepts, you are in

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 8:34 pm 
Just make sure you don't get a link to her site in the quest of getting to know her ;)


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 3:00 am 
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throughout your convo i'd point it in the direction of asking why she requested you or something along those lines to see what she says
Perfect.. just perfect. Thanks
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Just make sure you don't get a link to her site in the quest of getting to know her
I laughed out loud on this one. Its so true. Thats craigslist for you.

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"Responsibility for our lives is something we never lose but which we often deny... You can blame whomever you wish, but you’re the one who must experience (or endure) the results." -Steve Pavlina (http://www.stevepavlina.com)


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 3:28 am 
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I'm doing great, I'm about to head out to the city with a couple of buddies, probably Hollywood and have some fun out there.

So what inspired you to add me? Do you need any LA advice? I have lots... lol. I love it out here. Lot's to do. So what to you think so far? How are yooou doing? :) Tell me something interesting about yourself?
I sent this.. Not sure what to make of my approach. Perhaps to invasive? Then again, maybe its not bold enough. I guess I wont really know till i get a response (IF i get a response, for all I know this could be a "husband/boyfriend starts cracks down on facebook/myspace" sort of deal). Its interesting though. I'm enjoying the analysis. Anyone want to get deeply critical of my approach? I would be very pleased with some thorough input, that is, if this deserves thorough input.

_________________
"Responsibility for our lives is something we never lose but which we often deny... You can blame whomever you wish, but you’re the one who must experience (or endure) the results." -Steve Pavlina (http://www.stevepavlina.com)


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 5:28 am 
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do you know for a fact she is married? If that is her relationship status on facebook you shouldn't take that completely seriously I know a lot of people who put they are married to someone of the opposite sex but its just a fun thing for them to put.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 7:31 am 
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I'm doing great, I'm about to head out to the city with a couple of buddies, probably Hollywood and have some fun out there.
This was fine, but should've added "meet me 'here' at 'this time'".
Quote:
So what inspired you to add me? Do you need any LA advice? I have lots... lol. I love it out here. Lot's to do. So what to you think so far? How are yooou doing? :) Tell me something interesting about yourself?
ALL AFC stuff man. Asking her why she added you? No. You're eager to give her LA advice. Too eager. Asking her what she thinks? Not good. This just comes off completely eager, desperate, and AFC. Sorry man.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 8:59 am 
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do you know for a fact she is married? If that is her relationship status on facebook you shouldn't take that completely seriously I know a lot of people who put they are married to someone of the opposite sex but its just a fun thing for them to put.
Thats a good point that I considered. But she had a blog thing talking about this guy she was width so I just assumed it was true.
Quote:
ALL AFC stuff man. Asking her why she added you? No. You're eager to give her LA advice. Too eager. Asking her what she thinks? Not good. This just comes off completely eager, desperate, and AFC. Sorry man.
Ouchy. So whats a better approach? I have a feeling that I'm just not having the right aditude about this. Obviously, the right words are not there and my position is being hurt because of it. Which is unfortunate. I think I'm coming in like its a little to early to try something bold, which is probably the mistake right there. Eh.. Any suggestions?

Either way i have a lot of learning to do. But i think this thread may be a good catalyst to my growth.

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"Responsibility for our lives is something we never lose but which we often deny... You can blame whomever you wish, but you’re the one who must experience (or endure) the results." -Steve Pavlina (http://www.stevepavlina.com)


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 9:34 am 
It's never to early to be bold. NEVER. Girls love guys being bold.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 6:15 pm 
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Whoh, got this reply in the morning. Its a little freaky to me.
Quote:
Hey Ryan. I am doing alright..I guess..just dealing with some stuff. My husband went missing recently.. and I don't know if he left me or if something happened to him. I feel so alone...but oh well.

Well, I figured you know alot more about the city then I do...lol :P
This is beyond me. Why is she being so vulnerable to a complete stranger? I'm feeling very compelled to meet and talk with here but I don't want to make any more AFC mistakes. Despite my intentions i actually DO have a lot to say about this and i kind of want to just talk with her. Total AFC, I know. This happens when a chick responds to me. I keep thinking like now that I have something I don't want to lose it and go back to my old AFC ways.

_________________
"Responsibility for our lives is something we never lose but which we often deny... You can blame whomever you wish, but you’re the one who must experience (or endure) the results." -Steve Pavlina (http://www.stevepavlina.com)


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 7:14 pm 
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My reply, and mind you, i feel like an ass for posting this convo on the internet. But it the only way i will learn.
Quote:
Well i don't usually meet up with people i just met online, but i think you and I have a lot to talk about. I'm not sure what part of LA your in but let's meet and talk.

Give me a call ***-***-****
Its Sunday, I'm figuring a nice coffee shop might be nice and non threatening. To me it seems like she is reaching for someone. I just need to know how to respond to her right. Its difficult for me.

_________________
"Responsibility for our lives is something we never lose but which we often deny... You can blame whomever you wish, but you’re the one who must experience (or endure) the results." -Steve Pavlina (http://www.stevepavlina.com)


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 7:52 pm 
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Oh I wasn't trying to meet up...I mean..well, right now I would be a wreck. I'll save your # though.. and I live in South LA.
I think i killed it. I can just see this sliding into LJBF. Ill keep chatting and see where it goes. Comments?

_________________
"Responsibility for our lives is something we never lose but which we often deny... You can blame whomever you wish, but you’re the one who must experience (or endure) the results." -Steve Pavlina (http://www.stevepavlina.com)


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 10:04 pm 
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you should never have given her your number. especially over the internet. Not only because it makes you seem low value, but also as a privacy thing for you. I'd refuse to give my number to anyone unless i saw them in person or they were asking in order to meet me in person.
I would say just bail on this. I think the best way would be to send her a message telling her about a crazy weekend you had(make stuff up if you have to i guess so long as it sounds plausible), tell her something like "yeah so that kind of sums up my Los angeles in a nutshell" and then don't respond to any messages she sends unless she asks in it to meet up with you. if she asks why you didn't respond earlier, tell her because you don't like spending time online. I've never been in a position like this so i guess i might be keyboard jockeying, but maybe my advice will be good.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2007 10:54 pm 
Honestly, the most important aspect for you at this point is to PULL BACK. Make yourself scarce for her. Sure, you're probably thinking . . . her husband is gone, she needs company, all that stuff. And, IF the story is true, then sure, you're right, BUT you don't have any way of telling if the story is true or not, UNLESS she gives you information that YOU can research yourself. Like looking through the local news. If he's gone missing, and she is seriously looking for him, it should be a news item. But, overall, PULL THE FUCK BACK. If she messages you a couple of times and asks why you are ignoring her, THEN you can talk back to her, but NOT the way you are now. Don't be so "into" her supposed stuff right at this moment. Mainly because it DOES show tremendous interest, lowering your value, AND you have no idea if it's even true. If she messages you a couple of times, TELL her that you need to meet in person, to make sure she's real.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2007 12:28 am 
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Awesome. Thanks guys. That makes a lot of sense. I really appreciate your help and input. So i'm pulling out on this one for sure. Points for all you guys.

_________________
"Responsibility for our lives is something we never lose but which we often deny... You can blame whomever you wish, but you’re the one who must experience (or endure) the results." -Steve Pavlina (http://www.stevepavlina.com)


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