Hello,

If this belongs in some other forum, just put it there.

I'm in a sticky situation at the moment where I do not know how to continue.
Helping me and judging the situation might take some serious time, so thats why I don't expect anyone to do that for free.

Heres the situation - and before I'll explain it, yes I'm aware thats a desperate one and I've got Oneitis and many people will tell me to just next - and that I shouldn't even have bothered gaming her in the first place.
If nexting her would be a option to me, I wouldn't bother hiring online help.

So, the situation:
I got to know a girl online. I didn't intend to get to know a girl online, but in a way that just happend.
Her and me talked lots and lots, enjoyed each others company... and yeah, after some point I became interrested in her and started using my rudimentary knowledge of Pickup on her and she actually became attracted to me.
Once or twice during that stage we fought and I don't think I've handled those fights too well.
Apparently she also got comfortable with me, since she sent me a pic of her (thats from a girl that doesnt even have a pic of herself on facebook). Also told someone else that she "trusts me"... told me all kind of private things she herself said she doesnt talk with anyone else online... so I think I definitely had comfort too.

Joked a couple of times about meeting, once talked semi-seriously about that.

Lately things went to to total shit though. Her and me fight, get hurt, she says she doesnt want to get to meet anymore, at least not now, is just looking for a kind of friendship (LJBF'd, yeah), etc.


Thats what always happens for me when I meet a girl since I read about PU... I use my rudimentary knowledge of PU, she gets attracted... but after that things start to fall apart.
So for once, I get so tired of all that happening that I'm looking for someone that will #1 analyze WHY this is happening #2 Help me make things work out with her.

Me:
- 26 y old, used to be a slacker and massive AFC for far too long, recently taking care of having a career, lacking experience with girls
- got some game, but not that much since I only read and read about PU and dont actively go out and sarge (yes I know I should, as reading only does not make one a PUA)
- stuck online with this girl... one further word on this, I'm german, shes from france... so yes its a different country, but at least our citys are kind of close to each other. It'll be a weekend relationship, but thats okay with me.
Got to know each other on a onlinegame... so anyone having online video-game experience will have the advantage at understanding whats going on (yes I know for sure shes a girl, saw her on webcam).

I know, fubar situation. Thats why I'm looking for help and why I'm ready to pay.

Whoever is willing to tackle this with me should:
- have at least 1-2+ years active pickup experience
- have experience with online-game, since as mentioned this whole situation is online
- have experience with stopping fights, since they tend to happen way too often at the moment
- be willing to accept that I'm not willing to next that girl. I'm willing to do whatever else it takes, but I just don't want to give up. I, for once, want to be with a girl I want.
- be a good standing member of the forum (some of the pay will be in advance and I need somebody of who I know he aint just gonna take the money and run).

So thats how I'd like you to contact me and how it will go:

- Send me a PM with your forum name and your experience in those fields (online game, experience with stopping fights, general PU experience).
- Tell me roughly how fast you can read and digest a text, since pay will be adjusted to how long it takes you to read the conversations between me and her.
- I will send you a sample conversation, so we can put up some estimate on how much this'll cost me.
- more payment details by email.


Email me at:

Raptor dot HC at web dot de


Thanks.

Be careful what you wish for.

I'm somewhat willing to help you, but I won't accept any advanced payment. If my assistance does indeed lead you to having sex with her, you can pay me whatever you think is fair.

I'll keep in contact with you through this thread and instant messaging.
My MSN is "chiefpua@hotmail.com" (This is not an email that I check, this is just for MSN instant messaging)
and my AIM is "ChiefPUA" if you don't use MSN.

I'll warn you right now, though, that this WILL NOT be worth the effort and the best course of action for you would be to GFTOW (Go Fuck Ten Other Women) to get over your oneitis.

Heya,

Thanks for your answer.
I'm trying to get MSN / AIM working SPAM - firewall is giving me shit, but tomorrow I'll see a buddy whos working in IT, he'll fix that for sure.
Just so u know why I haven't contacted you there yet.

I can understand u wont take payment in advance though I don't think the "money after sex" clause is fair towards you.

I know and read all about GFTOW - but SPAM thats just not what I want to do or whats right to me.


Some further info on the girl:
- 21 y old
- psychology student
- about a 6-7 on HB scale
- kinda shy, a bit lse maybe. Hard to tell at times, but thats probably cause I'm a newbie at this.
- sexually inexperienced (most likely only had sex once).


If things work out with my firewall... talk to you tomorrow.

I could tell you exactly what you should do to get this girl.

But that wouldn't be the best thing for you.

Any 'PUA' worth anything should tell you what you already know I'm going to tell you:

Get Off Line And Talk To Real Women!!!

(And I'm a commercial online dating guy, but I won't take your money).

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Dunno why u assume that I don't do that. I talk to a girl from work whos constantly buying me lunch (my sugar mama ) and ocassionally other girls too. And I notice its 1.) making my game better 2.) kind of a DHV for the online girl (I told her about it).

I ain't gonna do the GFTOW thing tho, cuz my goal isnt killing my oneitis but being with her (wich for now means meeting her, but if that happens it'll most likely end up being a LTR).
Talking to other girls makes me more at ease and also raises my value, as long as I tell her about it, so thats good. Gonna keep on doing that.

============

Chief, thanks for your offer of help.
But, you still up for this?
I've sent you a couple messages on MSN a while ago (yeah - finally got it set up, was busy with lotsa stuff the last few days, starting a new job, etc) but I dunno if you saw them.

I got a shitton of logs from chats with her and me, important parts bolded so one can skim over it and cherrypick the really good and bad stuff (basically I've bolded all wich isnt smalltalk but can give someone a idea of who she is and how she feels about me).
I dunno, should I send you those?
Its lots of text but they'r sorted really well.

Its insanely hard for me to judge the whole situation.
- I had attraction.
- I think I had comfort ("I trust you. I dont trust others".)
- We got sexual (she asked me how her secound time is gonna be - and thats from a really, really shy girl.).
- She told me "being in a relationship with her is fail" and I explained to her I'll make her happy and we can take things slowly, to wich she replied with "okay" - afterwards she was confused why im being so sweet to her, etc. Like she doesnt deserve it.

But its hard to tell where I screwed up or at wich point I am... qualification, comfort ? etc.
Sometimes I think she believes she aint good enough for me.
Sometimes It seems like she is just completely uninterrested in me. Maybe I overqualified her?
In the beginning I gave next to no compliments, was never especially sweet to her... then I probably showered her too much with that.
But I just can't say for sure, I lack the PU-skills to judge that.

============

What happend lately:

- had a bad fight from 25.09 to 31.09. After I've done everything I could do and basically just told her "I dunno what to say anymore, im done for. things between us are fucked up." she started to open up again, told me "everythings gonna be alright, we gonna have fun again, she knows i appreciate her and she appreciates me too - no matter what she does or says, etc"

That was the night before the start of my new job and I just could not sleep because of the fight from before - was just too frustrated and angry. And after telling her this... suddenly she stopped being cold and noncaring.
Actually I thought I was just gonna crash and burn there, I mean I know its a afc-ish thing to do, tell her I cant sleep because of our conflict, etc... to me it was my last option though, so I grasped that straw.
Just had to do everything possible to put my mind to rest so i'd get at least SOME sleep before day 1 of that new job - even risking things with her.
I have a hard time telling WHY it happend that way - but maybe she just managed to pull her shit together when it counted.
Or maybe it was that "showing some weakness" thing, wich apparently IS attractive if used in low doses?


- Next 3 days after that were really good - she always asked how my new job was, etc (and its pretty good so hey, I brought good news, plus that sugar mama girl always buying me lunch... lol).

- Weekend she wasn't really on.
I happend to kinda flip at some ingame friend of her there and she probably heard of this... wich is probably the reason why she gave me the cold shoulder after that weekend (being uncaring at first and then completely unresponsive).

- Tried to play a game with her a couple of times, wich just resulted in her leaving the server a while after I joined.
Didnt chat with her, just joined there to play together with her (ya know, since I know her over a onlinegame) - this always resulted in her going afk, or joining some other server (always the ones with the guy I've flipped at in there, to play with him - ugh.)

- Yesterday she got offline... was late already but I did still stay on for a while, then went to bed... couldnt sleep, got on again - 20 minutes later she got on again too. Asked if she couldnt sleep either, initiated some conversation about movies.
All in all that was a good thing, at least now her and me are talking again and shes not really cold / ignoring me. Though im not even nearly back at the level I used to be with her.

============

- Whats really bad SPAM:
Shes hanging out LOTS ingame with one guy. If theres AFC's and Alphas in this game, then yeah, hes alpha and a AMOG to me.

She plays ever game with this guy - she used to play lots with certain ppl in the past, but never stuck as much with one guy.
Right now shes following him around like shes his dog.
Yepp, thats the guy I flipped at - and he put my outburst into a public quote site of that game, making me look really stupid. I've logged some old flaming of him against me wich would make him look pretty bad too.

I haven't upped his flaming against me on the quotations page yet - should I? I'm just not sure if I should do it cuz right now in her eyes I have a reputation of always starting fights.
Or should I rather find a way of letting everyone see it... while still being above him and not posting it on the quotations page?

This is with someone else and not her though - but someone who has a good deal of influence on her SPAM. Though maybe I'd lessen that by making him look like a moron?

I don't think I should take crap like that. Think It'd look bad to her if I'm gonna be the guy that just takes shit from others. Really beta.

What do you think?

/E: wow fuck this is just scary... its almost like her and him are syncronized... if shes afk, hes afk. shes back, hes back.
Fuck I dont wanna have developed a oneitis for a girl in a onlinegame just for ANOTHER guy from the same game to take her away. Fuck no. I can't let that shit happen - that'd really wreck my inner game for years I think.
If someone she knows IRL would take her away... that'd be bad, but he'd obviously have a advantage. But this guy? Fuck no. Just... no. That can't happen.
To be honest if that happens... my inner game is gonna be wrecked for a long long time.

============

Chief I read your AIM conversation from ur blog - just can't link to it due to having less than 5 posts.

Anyways. Simply amazing. That'd be just the thing I'd need to do with her as shes often down. I'd like to be the guy that cheers her up, but to be honest - I'm not great at this. I have to learn this.

Latest conversation:
[05:37:26] *Me: hey... you cant sleep either?
[05:37:40] *Girl: nope
[05:37:50] *Girl: I think I'm gonna watch a movie
[05:37:52] *Me: i tried like 1 hour ago... was total fail
[05:38:13] *Girl: well i tried 2hours ago
[05:38:34] *Me: wow
[05:38:48] *Me: you laid 2 hours in your bed trying to sleep?
[05:38:55] *Girl: yup
[05:39:12] *Me: lol i know that feeling
[05:39:32] *Me: i dunno why, but sometimes i just have a awfully hard time sleeping.
[05:39:45] *Girl: yeah
[05:39:52] *Me: you got any idea why its this way for u?
[05:40:07] *Girl: no it happens regurarly
[05:40:35] *Me: you know, it was a regular thing for me too when i was younger
[05:40:48] *Me: nowadays it doesnt happen so often anymore, but sometimes it still does
[05:40:58] *Me: mostly when im thinking about too many things
[05:41:07] *Girl: i know you alrdy told me about that
[05:41:16] *Me: ah right.. true
[05:41:42] *Me: how was your week anyways? got news?
[05:42:05] *Girl: it was ok and urs?
[05:42:14] *Me: same here
[05:42:30] *Me: next work im gonna take over the work of the guy who explained everything to me lol
[05:42:56] *Me: gonna be stressful i think... gotta see if i still remember everything ^^
[05:43:11] *Me: but i think i'll do ok... im gonna take notes and all.
[05:43:23] *Me: erf, i meant: i did take notes
[05:44:33] *Girl: oh if you took notes, it's gonna be ok
[05:44:41] *Me: ya, i think so too
[05:45:09] *Me: hey i was wondering about smth... you watch alot of movies: got a favourite?
[05:45:46] *Me: if i'd have to guess, i'd say its the one with the children betting on each other ^^
[05:45:50] *Girl: hum not only one
[05:46:01] *Me: ah... but that one is in the top 10 for sure.
[05:46:26] *Girl: I've watch so many
[05:46:49] *Me: well, tell me a bit about ur latest favourite and why its ur favourite ^^
[05:46:53] *Girl: I watch at least one movie per day
[05:47:05] *Me: wow lol
[05:47:42] *Girl: last one i watched was avatar. for a long time i didn't want to watch but i finally did
[05:48:00] *Girl: I waited nothing from this so i got nicely surprised
[05:48:06] *Me: lol funny that you should mention that
[05:48:33] *Me: me and a old friend tried to meet to watch that movie... we tried and tried but didnt find a point of time that was good for both of us
[05:49:00] *Me: and now its out of the cinemas... lol
[05:49:18] *Me: he got a dvd now tho, so we gonna watch it for sure
[05:49:37] *Me: how you got surprised by it?
[05:49:46] *Girl: it's gonna be on cinema again too
[05:49:59] *Me: oh?
[05:50:07] *Me: i havent heard of that
[05:50:18] *Girl: I read that somewhere
[05:50:28] *Me: nice
[05:51:22] *Girl: the storylne is really nice for that kind of movie
[05:51:29] *Girl: even if you know what's gonna be next
[05:51:55] *Girl: the effects and images are just... I dunno it's like a magic world
[05:52:07] *Girl: and that's an ecologic movie
[05:52:12] *Girl: so you better like nature
[05:52:53] *Me: ah, i do... and as long as nature is friendly im friendly too.
[05:53:19] *Me: but that sounds really good
[05:53:49] *Me: im definitely watching it with him on dvd... and if i liked that, in 3D cinema again
[05:54:31] *Me: i dont watch quite as much movies as you do... once a week with friends and 1-2x a week without them
[05:54:52] *Me: today i watched V for Vendetta... really liked that. ^^
[05:55:15] *Girl: yeah I saw it on cinema
[05:55:22] *Girl: that's a rly good movie
[05:55:34] *Girl: I think that might be in my top 20
[05:56:05] *Me: i see you have good taste.
[05:56:09] *Me:
[05:56:19] *Me: for me it actually might be top 10
[05:56:42] *Me: i like that revoltionary kinda stuff
[05:56:49] *Girl: well all depends on the type of movie you like
[05:57:12] *Me: ofc
[05:57:28] *Me: there was another movie like that but that was about german stuff
[05:57:56] *Me: german RAF... red army fraction, terrorists in 1970's
[05:58:57] *Me: in the beginning they were pretty idealistic... later generations - not so much
[05:59:56] *Me: what i liked about that though was the idea... they fought to improve the lifes of the people, even if that was hopeless. V today put it pretty nicely... people die, ideas do not
[06:00:04] *Me: kinda like that
[06:00:41] *Girl: i've watch goodbye lenin
[06:00:50] *Girl: in german
[06:00:56] *Me: in german :O
[06:00:58] *Girl: was about german stuff too
[06:01:02] *Girl: yup
[06:01:08] *Me: i'm surprised.
[06:01:26] *Me: I thought you still knew a bit of german... but never did anything with it.
[06:01:48] *Girl: i used to understand it quite well
[06:02:17] *Me: so i can just continue to talk in german?
[06:02:32] *Girl: no that was years ago
[06:02:36] *Me: ^^
[06:02:46] *Girl: goodbye lenin is an old movie
[06:03:01] *Me: at least you'd understand something... if you speak french, idk wth u talk about lol
[06:03:16] *Me: at some point it'd be nice to learn some though
[06:03:31] *Girl: you don't need it
[06:03:51] *Me: yeah i know, but sometimes it'd be useful
[06:04:10] *Me: i dont need spanish either, but i wanna learn a bit of that too
[06:04:32] *Me: you dont need german either
[06:04:45] *Girl: I hadn't the choice
[06:04:59] *Me: ah right, secound foreign language at school.
[06:05:16] *Me: only choice was german?
[06:06:28] *Girl: spanish or german
[06:06:55] *Me: spanish is more useful, whole south america uses that (except brazil and portugese isnt that different)
[06:07:10] *Girl: that's what you think
[06:07:22] *Girl: german is more useful if you work in the industry
[06:07:55] *Me: aah, okay... more rich countrys speak german
[06:08:03] *Girl: nop
[06:08:13] *Me: then im lost.. explain lol
[06:08:13] *Girl: french got a lot of things going on with germany
[06:08:58] *Me: ya, like that fusion thing... but i cant come up with anything else SPAM.
[06:09:37] *Me: i.e. you got TGV we got ICE.... 1,2,3, fight! lol
[06:10:19] *Girl: dunno either
[06:10:29] *Girl: i'm gonna watch a movie now and go to bed
[06:10:31] *Girl: night night
[06:10:35] *Me: okeydokey
[06:10:39] *Me: gonna sleep too
[06:10:43] *Me: have a good night
[06:10:54] ** User is now offline.
[06:10:54] ** Server ** Chat geschlossen

Was ok I think, some rapport, a bit smalltalk etc... but nothing thats gonna keep her around for long. If I'll want things to warm up again, I'll have to pull some awesome stuff... like in that chatlog from Chief.

Help would be much appreciated, thanks.

I did not receive any messages from you over MSN. I don't know what could have happened.

After reading everything you've posted here, though, I've decided that I could never condone a oneitis like this. It is extremely unhealthy. You need to GFTOW before you end up with a restraining order or some shit.

I also recommend you delete all of your chat logs with her. Keeping them without her consent may or may not be against the law. Sharing them with others without her consent probably is.

About the chatlogs:
Most messengers nowadays just keep chatlogs automatically. She also still has all my chatlogs - everything her and me ever said.
Posting them... names are changed and I see chatlogs with changed names posted here 24/7 - I don't know if its legal or illegal but it certainly is common practice in Online Sarging related boards.

Restraining order: because I join a game and she leaves - without ever telling me to "go away"? This girl doesnt hate me, she isnt telling me to fuck off. If she'll do that, then yeah I will go fuck off and leave her alone.
In fact, she still likes and cares about me (yes, I'm 100% sure about that) but attraction and comfort between her and me are somewhat fucked right now. Back to stoneage. Gotta rebuild.


And I know my oneitis is bad, but at least im still talking to other women - something most ppl with oneitis avoid.

And yes, I know its unhealthy. But heres my life situation:
- I just recently started a new job. Well, let me be more precise: I started a apprenticeship. At 26 years. Yepp, I made too many mistakes in my life, now I'm finally getting my career in order and taking some responsibility in my life.
Thing is this, I'm having serious trouble to sleep when things with her go so shitty. Like after 3 hours of sleep I suddenly wake up and can't sleep anymore.
So I go to work, sleepy... during the first weeks my 4-months long probationary time.
I don't want all this to lead to me getting fired. Because if that happens... that WAS my last chance at having a proper career. You don't get many chances like that at 26 anymore.

Last year I got back to school (my original degree was worthless, this time I've passed with top notch grades, 96% of points reached.). That'll all have been useless though if I fail at this apprenticeship.

I know it sounds like I'm making big drama about a little oneitis and blowing this out of proportion - but that are the facts, I know myself after all and I just see how I react to this.
If things with her go well, I'm good. If things with her are making some progress (like that smalltalk I've posted here) im feeling great.


As long as theres some hope I can keep on fighting... I can keep my spirits up, somehow. And I can stay calm when talking to her, rational.

But I know that without help, I'm going down sooner or later.
Its not that I dont have skills - yeah, ocasionally I manage to get stuff right on my own. But I believe that situation is just slightly above me.

I mean, this can't be impossible? Shes a 6-7, not a superHB and a bit LSE too - that doesnt sound that hard to me.
I have some game, even if it isnt great.
And she felt comfort and attraction towards me... and with all the sex talks we had I'd say I have been in seduction already.
Shes afraid of getting hurt and afraid of hurting me.

Things just aren't unsalvagable. Would I have a little more skill, I could fix them easily.

GFTOW is not just something I don't wanna do now, its unrealistic for me right now. By the time I have done that, any attraction she ever felt towards me will be long, long dead.

You only saw the bad and the mediocre so far. Let me show you something of the good stuff.
Thats from a girl that at first used to call me "pervert" and say "'I'm not gonna comment on that -.-" when I got sexual.
Its hard to miss whats going on there. Shes scared... and yet I did calm her down.

After that, we had a long time of good talks... and then she finally went to a vacation with friends, 10 days on the beach. After that we at first talked very little... and then some more again.

And then we had a fight... pretty bad one too. Sent a number of far too lenghty emails. You know why we had that fight though? My grandmother died - and I was kind of looking for her giving me some comfort - wich she really did.
But shortly after i switched topic, she started playing a game - I got pretty pissed about that... since I just expected her to be there for me the whole day during that. After some silence, lenghty emails were exchanged... not just about that, but about anything we could fight about at the moment.

Most important things she said during those emails:
(on meeting, I was stupid enough to talk about that in a email where im arguing about shit...) and thats because...: Shes consciously controlling her behaviour so she won't fall in love with me.
If you ask me, that means she pretty much already IS in love with me.

Imho its easy to see where I messed up... too many petty fights about bullshit. I'm gonna control that in the future (actually already did on one ocasion - yes I'm actually getting better.)

I would love to help myself with all this, but theres very little reading material on damage control and on re-building attraction and comfort.

Right now its like I can't be teasing towards her... thats like a minefield. I can't just follow the standart routines cuz I'm back into stoneage. Thats whats making this so hard for me.

And one more thing. Yes, oneitis... or lets rather say, being in love with a girl before she is too, is bad - I know that.
I've been in love with her since a long time now. And I always managed to further escalate somehow. On my own.
At some point I may even have hit the point where she was in love with me too.

I dont know if a oneitis is still such a terrible thing if shes in love with me too.

I know it all sounds ridicilous... falling in love with a girl from a onlinegame. So, what, then her and me are the biggest nerds ever. I truly don't give a fuck.


If you or anyone else is willing to help me, that would be great.

If not... I'm gonna continue on my own, somehow. If someone has some links regarding damage control or re-building attraction and comfort, I'd be thankful.

Wake up this is not going to happen, your both in this weird online comfort zone and nothing else is going to happen, your fighting online, give me a break, over what? The cats??

sooner you forget about this and this weird online game the better! Doesn't even have facebook? Probably not even a girl lol, get out there man fuck this shit your wasting every ones time right now, even mine... so I'm going to talk to some real girls

Everyone is right, you've got oneitis bad. But, if you won't GFTOW, how about joining a dating site (POF.com or OKcupid.com) and start doing some online sarging. 1) It will help you realize how many girls are out there. 2) If you're still on this one girl, you'll have experience with attracting OTHER women online, and can do it to this girl.

Read the forums and if you still need some help send me a PM.

All I can say is "wow". Dude, seriously, get off the computer. You think way too much.

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@Muk:
The fighting... mostly stupid shit, really.
She takes something I say bad (stuff she wouldn't take bad at other times - so shes really just being moody) - and then in turn I always reacted badly to this, instead of just ignoring her wich I think would have been the right reaction?
I dunno, that was really stupid shit... I mean I KNOW that, I, as the man, should be more in control of my emotions than her.
I really wasn't and I think thats what might have cost me her trust, her comfort and the chance at being with her.

She doesn't have facebook but I saw her on webcam and talked to her. So I know 100% sure shes real and that her pic was real.

About the online confort zone... well, we talked about meeting - but after that retarded fight... well, yeah. Shes not up for meeting SPAM. I'd have her adress, but I doubt just going there without her agreeing would be much good. Well, maybe it could just be that icebreaker thats needed... but right now? Maybe I'd really end up with that restraining order.

@ Mig:
Well that IS a good idea, thought I already know theres plenty of girls and still, as it is shes the one I want.
The attracting other girls thing is a good idea - something I shoulda be doing since some long time.
I'm not sure if it helps so much with her though - since her and me already had attraction and comfort and I think rebuilding that is different that building it for the first time?

I.e. SPAM I can't really be C&F anymore - shes just hating it right now.
Negs will burn down the house.
Anything where I assume stuff about her will get a massive allergic reaction from her (quote: "You're always speaking like you know what I wanna do or what I enjoy").



Well, status at the moment:
After several shitty talks where she was fairly unresponsive (no more than "polite" responding, entirely unemotional) I asked her whats wrong.
To keep it short, she still feels bad about that lenghty email exchange fighting shit and isn't in the mood for talking to me right now, feels that she just can't have fun with me right now.
We agreed on taking a break wich I really think is just another way of killing it off, but I dunno what else I could have done. Maybe she really needs the time to cool down. Ain't gonna talk to her for at least a week or so.

During that talk I at first was confident... wich just made her more angry and pissed at me... switched to apologetic, apparently that improved the situation a little. Bascially I went into "I'm sorry, im a idiot" mode... felt like the right thing to do at that moment, times gonna tell if it was or if that just finished off the last bit of attraction.

Lock thread? Oh the humanity!

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