ONLINE DATING QUESTION ~ ASK J SMOOTH!!!



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PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 1:15 pm 
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Hi Jsmooth.

I opened a girl with a direct opener "I would have poke you, but that be a bit long. hello, i saw your profile and thought, goddamn, shes gorgeous! so i had to send you a message or id be kicking myself for the next 5 minutes." ,

and she came back with " Well, thanks for including me to the list of girls you've probably sent that message to. "

How do I reply ?
GoblinShark,

This definitely puts us in a tough position. I appreciate you being direct in your opener with the girl you messaged so few guys are. The problem is it sounds like a line and she's calling us out on it. Girls that are hotter get a lot of stuff messaged to them like this. That's why I try to be direct but specific to the girl I send a message to.

Still, we have to figure out a good response to this. If we respond with a tone that continues to sound like we're being false and using lines then she's going to be more defensive towards us or may just not respond anymore. Also, if we try to be cocky funny or think about negging her then that will surely shut her down. At times like these I back up and punt so to speak. (Forgive the football analogy)

My response to her would be something like, "I guess you caught me, I kind of froze on what to say. Look you seem really interesting and I wanted to see what you're all about. Let's start over, I'm Goblin."

This allows us to try to recover from what we said. It takes away the player frame by saying we froze on what to say, and now we're just being real with her. Either it'll work or it won't with her. Still, I know for fact that if we try to spit "game" at her she's going to pick up on it, know we're not being real, and shut down.

~Jon

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 1:41 pm 
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What do you mean by direct but specific?


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:16 pm 
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What do you mean by direct but specific?
I mean what you said is a direct opener but it's kind of vague. Be specific on how she's gorgeous or what it was in her profile that got your attention. When you are more specific the opener doesn't sound so generic and it doesn't sound like you went through the site sending this to 20 people.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 12:25 pm 
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I'm do what it says on the tin and shine jsmooth signal for help.
Mr HB 8 (10 for her bod) on street, my phone was out of battery, don't know my number. So she said "Can I add you on facebook".
So she added me on facebook. Still in the attaction phase I think.

Basically she just uploaded a new profile photo, just would like to find out if I can or should neg it?

Say something like: "is that a bit of armpit hair I can see" or something along those lines?

Might be in totally the wrong place saying as I didn't meet her on the net.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 2:00 pm 
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I'm do what it says on the tin and shine jsmooth signal for help.
Mr HB 8 (10 for her bod) on street, my phone was out of battery, don't know my number. So she said "Can I add you on facebook".
So she added me on facebook. Still in the attaction phase I think.

Basically she just uploaded a new profile photo, just would like to find out if I can or should neg it?

Say something like: "is that a bit of armpit hair I can see" or something along those lines?

Might be in totally the wrong place saying as I didn't meet her on the net.
Ius,

Please don't neg her online, especially anything to do with armpit hair, that's just a recipe for disaster. If you've gone back and read some of my posts then you'd see my views for negging online. I'm not going to go into them now but if you're interested you can go to this link. negging-via-online-game-vt56221.html

Anyways, if you left off in Attraction then you of course need to work to message her and get her talking. Once you have her talking you simply want to tell your short DHV stories to continue building that attraction that you have. Obviously, since you've already met in person the other thing you need to be focused on is just getting a date with her.

~Jon

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 5:46 am 
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I've taken a break from online game,came across this chick while updating my profile she is fuckin nuts and she knows it lmao. Jon how would you approach this?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Rihatsu-chan


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 9:54 am 
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Hey LaVitaèBreve,

I'll add a cooment and sure Jon will too.

My opinion DO NOT waste time and approach her.

The biggest red flag I've ever read-

"I refuse to have sex ever(I'm a permanent V-card and there will be no changing my mind even if I were to marry), but I crave being able to be close to someone. Even though I know that I am doomed to remain alone because no one can live with the things I demand, I want to be able to snuggle and explore without someone eventually leaving me for someone who will eventually have sex with them. That is a type of fickleness and to me, fickleness is another form of lying. It is also a form of betrayal, and I don't forgive those who betray me."

Yes she does sound crazy but in the bad sense. I think she's crossed that fine line between genius and insanity. I have to admit I think she looks cute and do-able in her last photo. Probably the Alice In Wonderland type of outfit that does it!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 12:13 pm 
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I've taken a break from online game,came across this chick while updating my profile she is fuckin nuts and she knows it lmao. Jon how would you approach this?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Rihatsu-chan
Skypirate pretty much sums it up. How would I approach this? I wouldn't waste one second of my time with stuff like this. I have seen some girls who are obviously jaded based on their profile but this one takes the cake so far. It is obvious that someone has hurt her probably recently, used her for sex, or tried. She probably doesn't need to be dating right now and most definately needs to seek professional medical assistance.

Please there is just no good reason to contact this girl, and she's cute but you can do better. :)

Jon

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2009 3:13 pm 
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Haha, I have no intention of wasting my time and energy with this one. I was just curious how you would handle it.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 6:27 am 
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Hey, i met this girl at a party and i got her email and number. But the thing is, she has a boyfriend. What should i do? Via MSN to try and "destroy" her boyfriend?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 10:57 am 
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Jon thanks for all your excellent advice throughout 2009 and Merry Xmas. The discussion on online game frames was insightful and I'd add a new one I know I often see that's probably the toughest one for most guys to message and handle for the first time with online game – the 'bitch shield' frame. It's a frame guys also have to contend with regularly, in night clubs and even in day game occasionally, for usually more attractive women who know they're hot. It's its own separate frame, but it also has elements of 3 other frames already discussed. It's definitely way harder handling this particular frame online than it is in person, as guys have more limited tools they can use.

I'll give an example, of one lady's current online profile wording below (who's easily HB 8.5 level attractive and is a single mother with a couple kids). She says she's picky about who she responds to and recently changed her profile wording (probably suggesting frustration with all the AFC messages she's implying she's presumably being bombarded with).

Obviously with this particular lady, a guy having good photos and being good looking would help, if any guy is. An AFC guy trying to be cocky funny with his own bitch shield female frame, would run the risk of falling flat on his face 99% of the time, both in real life and in online game.

Can you please suggest both a subject line and cut and paste, scripted message you'd suggest using for 'bitch shield' frame women online, who've got frustrated for one reason or another, that cleverly wouldn't appear to them as coming across as scripted and cut and paste and shows empathy, if that approach works. I suspect in this case, saying something about the fact that good photos of a guy most definitely help, but judging him by his pics only, or being fixated on pics only, is a bit superficial of her.

Of course I'd love saying : 'Looks and being attracted to a guy who's messaging you definitely helps, but it's not everything and if you're currently disappointed with this site, I don't blame you - why not use a different site instead', but I greatly doubt guys adopting an AFC bitch shield frame themselves, would get them anywhere.


'Someone that's extremely frustrated and I wanted to let you all know this. For anyone that thinks they're good looking, before you tick that box, go have a good hard look in the mirror or better yet, ask an honest stranger if they think you're good looking. To all men in a relationship and are using this as an avenue to cheat, wake up to yourself ! There's no time in life for regrets. To the rare men on here who are decent, a word of advice - the internet and this site is no place to find decent people, it's full of people that have too much time on their hands and think it's entertaining to screw with your head and emotions. I'm picky and that's why I haven't replied to 500000 messages and the ones I did reply to and thought maybe were good looking, well I worked out in the end, the photo you provided, was the best picture you've ever taken and it was most probably taken a long time ago when you looked half decent'.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 10:23 am 
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Quote:
Jon thanks for all your excellent advice throughout 2009 and Merry Xmas. The discussion on online game frames was insightful and I'd add a new one I know I often see that's probably the toughest one for most guys to message and handle for the first time with online game – the 'bitch shield' frame. It's a frame guys also have to contend with regularly, in night clubs and even in day game occasionally, for usually more attractive women who know they're hot. It's its own separate frame, but it also has elements of 3 other frames already discussed. It's definitely way harder handling this particular frame online than it is in person, as guys have more limited tools they can use.

I'll give an example, of one lady's current online profile wording below (who's easily HB 8.5 level attractive and is a single mother with a couple kids). She says she's picky about who she responds to and recently changed her profile wording (probably suggesting frustration with all the AFC messages she's implying she's presumably being bombarded with).

Obviously with this particular lady, a guy having good photos and being good looking would help, if any guy is. An AFC guy trying to be cocky funny with his own bitch shield female frame, would run the risk of falling flat on his face 99% of the time, both in real life and in online game.

Can you please suggest both a subject line and cut and paste, scripted message you'd suggest using for 'bitch shield' frame women online, who've got frustrated for one reason or another, that cleverly wouldn't appear to them as coming across as scripted and cut and paste and shows empathy, if that approach works. I suspect in this case, saying something about the fact that good photos of a guy most definitely help, but judging him by his pics only, or being fixated on pics only, is a bit superficial of her.

Of course I'd love saying : 'Looks and being attracted to a guy who's messaging you definitely helps, but it's not everything and if you're currently disappointed with this site, I don't blame you - why not use a different site instead', but I greatly doubt guys adopting an AFC bitch shield frame themselves, would get them anywhere.


'Someone that's extremely frustrated and I wanted to let you all know this. For anyone that thinks they're good looking, before you tick that box, go have a good hard look in the mirror or better yet, ask an honest stranger if they think you're good looking. To all men in a relationship and are using this as an avenue to cheat, wake up to yourself ! There's no time in life for regrets. To the rare men on here who are decent, a word of advice - the internet and this site is no place to find decent people, it's full of people that have too much time on their hands and think it's entertaining to screw with your head and emotions. I'm picky and that's why I haven't replied to 500000 messages and the ones I did reply to and thought maybe were good looking, well I worked out in the end, the photo you provided, was the best picture you've ever taken and it was most probably taken a long time ago when you looked half decent'.
I'm too impatient to let Jon answer this first. Anyway I agree with the comment about good advice

Why would you want to get together with this one? She sounds very bitter to me and highly likely to be a timewaster. At best it's a very good joke or parody. I don't think any approach would work to be honest. Move on as there are better people you can spend your time on.

If I did contact her and that would be very very unlikely. I would just amplify her attitude back. Out-bitch her! If she's joking I think she'll understand the amplified echo. I would even just copy and paste her text, change the 'men' to 'women' and exaggerate the '500000 messages' bit to '1 zillion messages.' I would even be tempted to put as a subject "Red alert... incoming male put up your bitch shield"


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 2:34 pm 
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Hey, i met this girl at a party and i got her email and number. But the thing is, she has a boyfriend. What should i do? Via MSN to try and "destroy" her boyfriend?
Felon,

Leave her alone and find another girl. I live my life with Integrity. If a girl says she has a boyfriend, even if she hates his ass, then I'm done. When she leaves her boyfriend then that's fine but she has to come to that decision on her own.

I don't use boyfriend destroyers or any of that shit and frankly stuff like that pisses me off. I mean you get a great girl in your life, you hit a rocky time in your relationship which happens to all couples. She goes out on the town, meets a guy, and he manipulates her into breaking up with you... Yeah I'm sorry I won't help anyone do that. For all I know you are breaking me up with my girlfriend, or my best friend up with his girlfriend.

Jon

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 2:37 pm 
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Jon thanks for all your excellent advice throughout 2009 and Merry Xmas. The discussion on online game frames was insightful and I'd add a new one I know I often see that's probably the toughest one for most guys to message and handle for the first time with online game – the 'bitch shield' frame. It's a frame guys also have to contend with regularly, in night clubs and even in day game occasionally, for usually more attractive women who know they're hot. It's its own separate frame, but it also has elements of 3 other frames already discussed. It's definitely way harder handling this particular frame online than it is in person, as guys have more limited tools they can use.

I'll give an example, of one lady's current online profile wording below (who's easily HB 8.5 level attractive and is a single mother with a couple kids). She says she's picky about who she responds to and recently changed her profile wording (probably suggesting frustration with all the AFC messages she's implying she's presumably being bombarded with).

Obviously with this particular lady, a guy having good photos and being good looking would help, if any guy is. An AFC guy trying to be cocky funny with his own bitch shield female frame, would run the risk of falling flat on his face 99% of the time, both in real life and in online game.

Can you please suggest both a subject line and cut and paste, scripted message you'd suggest using for 'bitch shield' frame women online, who've got frustrated for one reason or another, that cleverly wouldn't appear to them as coming across as scripted and cut and paste and shows empathy, if that approach works. I suspect in this case, saying something about the fact that good photos of a guy most definitely help, but judging him by his pics only, or being fixated on pics only, is a bit superficial of her.

Of course I'd love saying : 'Looks and being attracted to a guy who's messaging you definitely helps, but it's not everything and if you're currently disappointed with this site, I don't blame you - why not use a different site instead', but I greatly doubt guys adopting an AFC bitch shield frame themselves, would get them anywhere.


'Someone that's extremely frustrated and I wanted to let you all know this. For anyone that thinks they're good looking, before you tick that box, go have a good hard look in the mirror or better yet, ask an honest stranger if they think you're good looking. To all men in a relationship and are using this as an avenue to cheat, wake up to yourself ! There's no time in life for regrets. To the rare men on here who are decent, a word of advice - the internet and this site is no place to find decent people, it's full of people that have too much time on their hands and think it's entertaining to screw with your head and emotions. I'm picky and that's why I haven't replied to 500000 messages and the ones I did reply to and thought maybe were good looking, well I worked out in the end, the photo you provided, was the best picture you've ever taken and it was most probably taken a long time ago when you looked half decent'.
I'm too impatient to let Jon answer this first. Anyway I agree with the comment about good advice

Why would you want to get together with this one? She sounds very bitter to me and highly likely to be a timewaster. At best it's a very good joke or parody. I don't think any approach would work to be honest. Move on as there are better people you can spend your time on.

If I did contact her and that would be very very unlikely. I would just amplify her attitude back. Out-bitch her! If she's joking I think she'll understand the amplified echo. I would even just copy and paste her text, change the 'men' to 'women' and exaggerate the '500000 messages' bit to '1 zillion messages.' I would even be tempted to put as a subject "Red alert... incoming male put up your bitch shield"
Thanks Hyro and Skypirate. I am glad that my online advice has assisted you all this year. I appreciate the feedback.

As Skypirate says I would waste my time with such a girl. There are more fish in the sea so to speak and a lot easier fish to catch. :wink: There really isn't much of a need to deal with a girl like this, deal with her shit test, and hoops. Even if she is hot so what. It's not like God has stopped making women and they are near exstinction or anything...find someone else! :D

Jon

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 Post subject: Wtf? okcupid
PostPosted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 6:47 pm 
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Hey buddy, Was just surfing around okcupid. After visiting this girls profile..(I didn't say anything to her). I got a random message saying

---------------------------

o ya bby chek dis shit out

print "ya we pumpin'"

how u like me now?

----------------------------


I'm not even sure what that means, Or how to respond to it.

-Matt

Edit- Also wondering.. What are 3 good self describing adjectives you could use to not come across as desperate, But be fun and open.


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