| Hi PUAs,
Going to start a diary I occasionally update to be able to personally track my progress and maybe get some insight from you pros. If you read my thread on "spot my mistakes" then my intro is that I understand many of the ideas but cannot implement / have self control to maintain them. Also just finished reading Models by Mark Manson and it felt similar to Dale Carnegie's book. Agree with it but find it hard to implement.
I'm definitely on the side of of being needy but I occasionally can't help it. I have been alone for so long that I crave the feeling of intimacy with someone. Until past 2 years or so I could ignore (control?) my emotions but its getting harder and harder.
I need to change my psychology somehow, and although I'm making some progress, I feel like I can do a lot more.
Night Out with placement colleagues
Went on a night out with a grp of people from my placement. There was a girl in this grp that I was potentially interested in but given that it was work, I didn't focus on her and tried to talk to other girls in the club.
Didn't get anywhere but had some decent convos which I was happy about. When back in the group, I would dance with her but she was basically dancing with everyone so it wasn't an indicator.
Near the end of the night, another guy from our grp basically grabbed her and made out, and then left with her.
That resulted in me feeling a little down and it just annoys me that I get such feelings. It was definitely a relatively tiny reaction given to how I have felt before in similar situations but I want to not care at all.
I shouldn't get affected by someone not being with me when I hardly know them and I have already told myself that given the type of work placement, it would not be a good idea.
Responding to Girl I dated
So from my thread on "spot my mistakes", I stopped msging the girl I lost my virginity to after she said she was not really going to be able to visit (and implied I shouldn't either) as she was leaving the continent soon and thus no point.
Anyway over a month later she msged me how I was doing. Just getting a msg from her got me way more excited than I want to be.
While dating she told me she was going on holiday before coming back to UK catch flight home. So I basically stirred up the conversation to meeting up before one of her flights to say goodbye. Her response was very positive but the whole thing is pointless. She is leaving the country and I'm basically showing my neediness/desperation to see her.
Its a case of knowing its a bad idea but not being able to resist. I genuinely found her very interesting compared to other girls while dating and maybe being the first sexual experience made me get a bit attached but given the circumstances of her leaving the country, it just makes no sense for me to not act cool. World is small place, if I keep a good image about myself, maybe we will meet in the future.
Everytime I do something I immediately realise is 'needy behaviour' I always tell myself, I'll start not doing it from next time and then I just keep repeating...
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Currently focusing on little things:
- Being able to hold random eye contact rather than instantly looking away.
-Improving my confidence in speaking to people at work male or female (I find it hard to speak confidently to people I find intimidating - e.g. senior people).
-Joined gym - currently aiming on endurance as I have not done enough sport recently, so want to improve my stamina a bit before aiming to get some muscle.
- Organising as many dates as possible for experience (Went on one recently, and although I think we both had fun, I couldn't turn the date intimate in any way, just couldn't flirt and it felt like we were two friends)
Thats all for today. Cheers for any help/tips.
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CHAT