I made this account a long time ago, and I seldom have to ask for advice. I generally don't have to, because things have been going great for me, and I don't feel I've been seasoned enough in the field to give good advice.

I've always been a guy who valued long term relationships, and after going over a few relationships that didn't quite work in the past, I've met someone who meets my standards. My problem is, I think they might meet it too well.

For example, when my girlfriend and I met, I had been practicing veganism (for health reasons), and after talking to her a little bit, she joined me, talking about how she'd been looking for a good ways to improve her health. On that front, she's in better shape and has got a pretty great body now.

I talk about some things I like, and she picks up on them, almost immediately. I tell her I want to buy a house out in a scenic rural area? She agrees. I tell her I like having my knob polished now and then? No contest. I tell her I want to experiment with some things in the bedroom, like light BDSM? Nervous, but willing to give it a shot. There are very few things she's ever said "no" on.

She turned thirty not long ago, and I'm somewhat familiar with the curvature in behavior that single women take at that age. They know they're not "pretty princesses" anymore, and at that point, it's a game changer from being a woman's market to a man's market.

We've been seeing each other for about half a year now. Things are going great, but I get the feeling, on some level, I'm being lied to. Is she being accommodating for it's own sake? Is she simply lying her way into some manner of long term committment? We've had no problems before, and frankly, the silence is deafening. They say that if you stick around long enough, a person putting up a false front will let their true nature slip out intentionally, but so far, I'm not seeing anything.

How should I approach this?

The usual grace window for the honey moon phase which is where people will put up fronts is like 90 days or something. For me, it's always seemed shorter. Whenever I've been seeing soemone regularly, I think their true colors came out quickly. Think about how hard it is to do something you truly don't believe in. Are you able to just change at a whim?

Considering you've been together for so long, I think it would be outright obvious if there was an issue. I get being suspicious but is there something else making you feel that way? It is unusual to have something like that but not impossible.

It's just general suspicion.
I'm the marriage-and-kids type, and I always have been. I first starting practicing game theory as a means to get out of the social awkwardness of high school and bettering myself in the process.

At the same time, I've also seen how marriages can end. Committed relationships sour over time, many of them culminating in divorce, and I know that often times, unmarried women who reach their thirties often scramble to find people to commit to, throwing standards under the bus in order to improve their chances of not having to get older on their own.

I like this woman, a lot. But if I tie the knot and it turns out that the things I've liked about her have been a facade, I can't imagine that ending well.

For the record, I'm giving it another year (at least) before I move onto something permanent with her.

If this is the case, I don't understand what you're worried about or the point of this post. Her consistency will be the teller. If i was to come here telling you "She's full of shit" but she continued to be consistent would you listen to me or her? Especially when I don't even know the girl.

Are you filthy rich and just worried about her taking your earnings? Like, whats the source of this paranoia.

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How in the fuck is any of this a problem?

You're acting neurotic. Go to the gym every other day and burn off the negative, insecure energy.

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I'm not particularly well-off, no. What I would hate, however, is to find myself entangled in some custody battle years down the road.


@Arch Stanton

Because:

1) she may be secretly putting up a front in order to secure some kind of committment.
2) I'd like to know how actually compatible we are as individuals, rather than the compatibility being between myself and the false front she's decided to put up
3) if I DO tie the knot, I don't want to hit any snags on the personality front
4) after seeing how bad they can get, I thoroughly despise the idea of getting a divorce.

To whom (and if) you marry is arguably the most important decision you're going to make. I'm merely treading cautiously.
Everything about it is great, so far. I just want to make sure things stay that way. People say life is short, but it's not, especially if you end up marrying a cunt.

Is she putting any pressure on you to actually get married...? If there is no pressure I wouldn't sweat it, and give it more time. The longer you see them the more likely you will see the truth. Also no harm in being honest if she brings it up. You should just sit tight though... marriage is pretty much just a piece of paper.

There was a thread here about marriage and I think there are misconceptions about divorce. A lot influences the outcome, especially state regulations. In Texas, the laws seems to be pretty slanted towards males or at least even. I have come across a lot of women who don't come out of the divorce with much of anything. Also, if there is not much for her to take then she can't take much. Not that that is what you should think going into marriage in the first place.

She wants to get married someday, though I wouldn't say she's applying pressure.
It doesn't bother me though. I've never been one for casual relationships, and neither has she. We sort of have an understanding with one another: marriage isn't simply the next step in a relationship, or the ultimate gesture of romantic love. It's what you enter into when you decide you want to do some family building.

We've had conversations in the past on the subject, like about what where to live (thinking the Northwest) and what kind of wedding (she likes the idea of having a small wedding in the middle of a wheat field), but hasn't been persistent about it.
I know that she wouldn't be talking about it if she didn't like the idea, however. I'm adamant on giving it some time though.

Huh?

Dude, this is so weird.



Dude, you are neurotic as fuck. instead of stepping back and looking at my input, you've dug yourself deeper.

How do you know it's false?

Do you have fun with her or not? Does she have your back?

Those are the only pertinent issues.

Shouldn't you know this by now?

Then don't get married. You're the man, so lead.
No it's not.

Great! Then stop being a neurotic weirdo and enjoy the moment.

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ooohhhhh the irony archibold, your post is neurotic and you don't even know this guy... Anyway I'm sure he realized he posted his answer - more time.

Maybe she's submissive type and likes to follow
Maybe she's just an open minded chick who is willing to try new things
Maybe she's agreeing with you to trap you

Dunno. But what's silly imo, is you're in a relationship where you dont know the person you're with. If you're with someone and call someone your gf, at least know her personality and whether she is a genuine person. Sounds like you made a chick your gf you do not know and I have no idea why you're even thinkn abt marriage when you are wondering if she lies to you.

This, OP. You've been with her for half a year. By now you should know if she's just a chill woman or if she's trying to lure you into some sort of trap, but to me that seems like a stretch.

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This is the OP.

After much deliberation, I've given it time, and I've come to a decision.
I've stopped worrying about the issue so much. A part of this question stems from the truth that, for all my years dating and meeting women, this is the first time I've been this far in the relationship. I've never met a woman I've given a shit about well enough to consider marrying, and when the idea crossed my mind for the first time, I buckled down and started thinking defensively.

I really don't have much to complain about. She's got a cute face, hot body, the sex is good and we complement each other's personalities pretty well. Not putting a ring on her until at least another year, and by then, I should be able to know whether or not she's being genuine.

Peace.