Hey guys, wondering if you may have any insight about this...

Met a girl on Tinder and we went for drinks. The vibe is is fun with an ongoing role play about her being my Tinder-wife, our marriage being in trouble, me selling her shoe collection to pay for the marriage counselors and crap like that. There was some heavy make out and at certain point she was literally moaning while I was kissing her neck. After two or three rounds I suggest going home with a lame excuse like Netflix or chocolate/coffee (can't remember exactly). And she clearly states "we're not having sex tonight". I joke about it saying we couldn't anyways because I had my period. She cracks up laughing at this and the mood remains lights and fun until the end of the date.

We chat during the following days. She's receptive to my texts, readily agrees to a second date, and I half-jokingly tell her I have a thing for tight, black dresses. On the second date she shows up with a tight, black dress. We have dinner and again we have a great time. There's a sexual vibe going on. For example, when she texted me she would be ten minutes late, I told her she should hurry up because there was another girl checking my ass; she replied I should let her and joked about having a threesome. Once we're done eating I suggest going home again, and again she says she won't come to my place. She suggest going somewhere for coffee and dessert so we head for a bar nearby. During coffee there's some make out and it's *her* the one who suggest we should go on a third date this Friday. She even proposes a place she wants to go. I know the place, I dig it, but tends to be crowded, so we make a reservation through an app to eat/drink there and she's totally into it (her idea, after all).

Today, out of nowhere, she sends me a text saying "she likes my personality" but "doesn't like me that way" that "there's no point in keep seeing each other" and that "she won't go farther than this". In case you're wondering, there was no interaction whatsoever between the second date that ended well and this text.

Is this girl fucking crazy or did I do something stupid? Curious about your take on this. Thanks for reading.

By the way, I'm nexting her, but also wondering if there's a lesson to be learned from this.

Bang her on the first date. Lesson learned. The longer you wait to make a play, the more likely she will reject you for a stupid reason.

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I did try pulling her home the first date. Anything else I could have done?

Her text meant to read, "I found someone better than you on tinder." Remember guys, you aren't the best guy out there. Girls with options will choose other dudes over you even if they showed a mild to moderate interest in you at first. It happens. That's why you need to escalate and f-close asafp.

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Yeah you tried once. You keep trying dude. You literally keep trying until she says no. Of course when she says no you stop, but until then you keep trying. Persistence is key.

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Try harder.

You did good OP, for the most part. You kept a sexual undertone, had a good vibe, all that good stuff. But then you didn't really DO anything.

I mean she even showed up in your tight black dress thing. How much more of a green light do you need?

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Thanks for chiming in, guys. So, the consensus is she was consciously or unconsciously screening my persistence? On the first date I invited her home twice. And on the second date, just once; at the time I didn't want to seem needy, but I'm guessing her "beta male" alarm went off once I gave up easily?

What? no. The consensus is be more daring.

She gave you an out. Look. Your period joke was a good reply, but you should've done it in accordance with taking things forward.
Alternatively you could've said "Look at you already thinking about sex. That how easy you think I am?".
Basically make her promise to keep her hands to herself, and then walk home. Women are not stupid and they know an invite to your house means sex. They just don't want it to be a signed deal and a guaranteed thing. Nor the social stigma attached.
In other words she was addressing the elephant in the room. Looking for an excuse. Once she has that, she can blame whatever happens next on that "in the moment" kind of thing.

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Got it. Thanks for the help, R.C.

Yea this really stinks. But from your post you didn't push the envelope man! It's like at the first point of resistnace you just flopped over and gave her control. The whole dress thing sheesh... I would have asked her to just come to my car or something and continue to escalate. As you get better with women you learn that what they say is not necessarily the actual boundary.

How did you reply to that text? I would ask her out like "Just see me 1 more time." She might give you another shot, if you can show her you have some balls! And then push the envelope!

I wished her success in her life and nexted her. Today I'm going out with another girl, hoping to put in practice the advice I got here. Thanks for your reply.

Her: We're not having sex tonight.
You (with a grin): Yeah, I know. I'm not sure you're my type yet.

Turn her qualification into your qualification.


how long were these "chats"? and why are you blowing up her phone? The girl denied you sex on the first date. Pull back and let her stew on things for a bit. Instead you're Mr. Text.


Why are you buying this woman dinner? Why are you on a dinner date? Let women earn a meal with their affection and enthusiasm.

So you're letting her dictate the date while you pay for everything?

she's acting like the man!
At this point, she's seeing how far she can push you. You played along. she's setting the frame, picking the places, bouncing you from dinner to a coffee shop instead of your place.

I know the type. This is one of those women who has to be the boss in the relationship, has to have control. It's how she feels good about her self. But when you give too much control early on, she'll bounce. She's conflicted between needing to have control for validation and desiring a dominant male. This conflict causes the drastic hot and cold you're seeing.
Yep! There's that hot and cold.

She might be a little crazy (and I rarely say this on this forum).

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Thanks, Arch. I appreciate the detailed breakdown and advice.

I assumed that after your period joke that the two of you went to your place. That should have been your assumption as well.

Stop having 'dates' in restaurants, etc. Go somewhere - anywhere - sit right next to her, or go to the park. Just spend time with her.
IKR!

Lessons learned man, you'll do well because you're open to constructive advice.