Guess what Arch, he didnt walk her out after sex, she confronted him, you said great she's chasing. Then what? Did she invite him over? Did she fuck him? This move you congratulated, see...it didnt change anything. In fact, from OP's words, the chick still didnt see him until he asked for a phone call. So if the not walking her out was a good move, there were no results from it.
Quote:
Also when I texted her and "Spoke my needs" i said "Hey this isn't working for me. Call me if you want to talk. Otherwise take care." She called me within 5 minutes and apologized for not hanging out recently and then mentioned she felt like being used. I said the opposite was true. I told her "Hey i like you and I don't want you to think I'm just using you for sex. But I also have a problem with you leaving abruptly after sex" She said she had to get home due to an early day the next day and I said I understood. I also mentioned that its a little odd I haven't been to her place. "She said she'd invite me sometime, spontaneously"
So I did say that.
So really, I did make those things clear. I havent hooked up with her yet to see if she'll stick around. And she hasn't had me over to her place yet
OP, you did not speak your needs. First, speaking your needs isnt started with a text saying, hey this isnt working for me, otherwise take care. Then, when she called, she spoke her needs and you brought up your needs but you were more concerned with hers. I cant speak for void, fuck it, I'll speak for void...he nor I or anyone was saying to do this.
Look man, my personal opinion this girl is feeding you bs. Maybe she has a bf at home, maybe she is fucking other dudes and lied abt it, maybe she's not interested and doesnt want to put in effort, maybe she doesnt like the sex, maybe she has intimacy issues. But the chick is bsing on you. Cause guess what man, if this was about feeling like you dont care, youve asked her to talk more, SHE is the one rushing out after sex. Chick knows you like her and she's claiming she's on the same page to hold back.
Something's up. This is like a girl cheating on her bf. When the bf tries to fuck her, she creates distance to not have sex with him. Thats like your chick. She's purposefully creating distance and either its intimacy or something else. Guess what, if it were because you were needy, she already isnt fucking you, she already sees you 1x a week. Shed just ghost you. There is something with this chick where she just doesnt want to/cant talk to you like that, stay after sex or invite you over. Because if she did, she would.
My clinical view from the limited information posted is that its possible she has an ambivalent/avoidant attachment style. In lay terms, she holds some unhealthy views towards closeness to others; when she senses her vulnerability in a relationship she seeks proximity to feel safe again. The issue isn't intimacy itself its more that there's a learned pattern of behavior where fear of vulnerability overrides there ability to seek closeness to another.
She may not be this way, however she does seem to spend a lot of energy distancing herself from the Op, or at least keeping him at an arm's length away w/o really getting close.