Exactly. The OP is looking to meeting her needs and completely neglecting to address his own.

This girl isn't dumb, she recognizes this and so long as he places others ahead of himself it'll always be the same end result. Run of the mill case of putting a woman on a pedestal.


OP you're moving backwards, and until you recognize that you need to re-invest in yourself for ANY relationship to work, you are only going to repeat the same pattern with another woman.

"Speaking your needs" this early in the courtship is needy. Guys get dumped for this all the time.

He followed that advice and she stiffed him to 1x a week, and emphasized she wanted to "take things slow".


He had a serious talk with her too early in the courtship based on Voids bad advice. That's needy. He said he wanted to see her more. That's needy. None of that is "patience".

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Wanting to see someone more isn't needy behavior. The INTENT will determine whether its needy or not.

To spell it out for you. If the intent is to spend more time with her because he's fearful of being alone, or that he'll lose her then yes, one can argue that's "needy". If, on the other hand, one were to want to spend time with another to get to know them better (as once a week may be a slow process in doing so) to get to know the person sooner rather than later then that's not needy at all - why waste time over a span of months seeing a person so infrequently.

If a woman states its needy early on then she's not for you - clearly she's eliminated herself as being receptive to a need. A needy guy wanting more would placate, the non needy guy would speak his truth and if the woman disregarded his request then he'd be fine moving onto the next.

Again, you miss the point as with so many other instances on this board.

That advice is needy as hell early on, and more suitable for once exclusivity is met.

You don't "convince" women to spend more time with you with words.

They'll blow up your phone if you are doing the right things, such as good in bed, emotionally-centered, confident ,fun and playful.

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OP, what's fucked up is if you had just taken the initial advice, ie "speak your needs" you wont be in this situation. If you had said, hey i dont like that you leave after sex, I'd like to be invited to your place etc...she couldnt have said she feels like you want her only for sex. If her concern was 100% honest, you 2 have the same fucking needs. More than sex. And if you had said that, you'd have gotten the truth of the whole situation.

Read the thread again. She told him she wanted to take it slow from the opening post. She didnt invite him to her place from the opening post. She was not seeing him as much as he would like from the opening post. You cant act like he even took Void's advice and somehow things turned to shit lol.

Read it again. He didnt walk her out after SEX, and she confronted him saying she felt like a prostitute. This was from the very beginning. You congratulated him for not walking her out remember. Now she has said she thinks he wants her for only sex. Come on Arch, be honest with yourself. The one thing that's new here happened after and around the actions YOU congratulated. Are you reading the same thread as I am?

I'm highlighting this because you're missing the chain of events. He didnt take void's advice, and the sex changed after he didnt walk her out after sex and she confronted him. You cant rewrite the events like oh she stopped sleeping with him because void said to speak his needs, which he didnt even do. She confronted him BEFORE about the sex.

Absolutely He should've kept going.

Instead he called her and "spoke his needs".

Then she stiffed him on sex and relegated him to 1x a week.


If the OP "speaks his needs" right now, she's going to friend-zone him. He's already been grounded, lol.

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Also when I texted her and "Spoke my needs" i said "Hey this isn't working for me. Call me if you want to talk. Otherwise take care." She called me within 5 minutes and apologized for not hanging out recently and then mentioned she felt like being used. I said the opposite was true. I told her "Hey i like you and I don't want you to think I'm just using you for sex. But I also have a problem with you leaving abruptly after sex" She said she had to get home due to an early day the next day and I said I understood. I also mentioned that its a little odd I haven't been to her place. "She said she'd invite me sometime, spontaneously"
So I did say that.

So really, I did make those things clear. I havent hooked up with her yet to see if she'll stick around. And she hasn't had me over to her place yet

So here's what the OP did after Void (who doesn't seem to quite grasp the OP isn't in a relationship) suggested he "speak his needs".

Has the OP had sex with this woman since this phone call?

OP?

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You keep saying he spoke his needs. Where?
Where were his needs spoken here?

Lol, come on Arch, you're throwing words around but I cant find this speaking needs part the OP followed.

The chick already confronted him abt feeling like a pro. Big coincidence the next time they talk she says she feels he just wants sex?

No but we only hung out once since then.

Fuck it. I'm just writing this one off. You guys are making me feel like I'm just a big bitch here.

I honestly don't take much pleasure in going there but from your antagonistic tirade directed at Jackzero, manipulating a young girl to post a semi-nude photo of herself holding a sign addressed to him, and clearly having a predatory mentality towards women 20 years your junior you haven't one iota of credibility to your name. You're speaking well beyond your scope of experience, and sadly there are no regulatory bodies for people coming onto online forums proclaiming to be coaches, experts, or consultants eager to fleece $ from people in need.

I can throw a nickel down the street, hit a random person and in the highest of probabilities receive better relationship advice.

You're not a bitch, OP. You're a smart guy. You just ran into a woman who is more socially savvy than you.

Void keeps giving "speak your need" advice to guys who are still courting a woman. It's terrible, needy advice for gorgeous women in the early stages.

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That's not speaking your needs, thats giving an ultimatum, actually. Again, you're looking to her and this update has nothing whatsoever to do with expressing needs.

Stop trying to win/woo her. You've nothing to prove, and the more you do so the further you're devaluing yourself. You have needs that clearly aren't being met, and being patient has become a feats of strength to see how long you can contain yourself before something gives. Nobody is encouraging you to profess your love for her. You're entrenched with this person, or more accurately the idea or image of her though the two of you aren't on the same page. When in doubt, do nothing -- when you feel an itch to do something for her to win her approval, or a concession instead do that some thing for yourself. You've become a bit de-centered with this one, which is fine so long as you use that as a cue to get back to yourself again.

A 'non needy' way of speaking a NEED is saying you value the connection, and getting to know them OR show the person through behavior such as planning events where the two of you can experience something together like a walk, a hike, going to a festival, cuddling up on the beach in the evening etc... Conveying a need doesn't have to be verbal.

Guess what Arch, he didnt walk her out after sex, she confronted him, you said great she's chasing. Then what? Did she invite him over? Did she fuck him? This move you congratulated, see...it didnt change anything. In fact, from OP's words, the chick still didnt see him until he asked for a phone call. So if the not walking her out was a good move, there were no results from it.
OP, you did not speak your needs. First, speaking your needs isnt started with a text saying, hey this isnt working for me, otherwise take care. Then, when she called, she spoke her needs and you brought up your needs but you were more concerned with hers. I cant speak for void, fuck it, I'll speak for void...he nor I or anyone was saying to do this.

Look man, my personal opinion this girl is feeding you bs. Maybe she has a bf at home, maybe she is fucking other dudes and lied abt it, maybe she's not interested and doesnt want to put in effort, maybe she doesnt like the sex, maybe she has intimacy issues. But the chick is bsing on you. Cause guess what man, if this was about feeling like you dont care, youve asked her to talk more, SHE is the one rushing out after sex. Chick knows you like her and she's claiming she's on the same page to hold back.

Something's up. This is like a girl cheating on her bf. When the bf tries to fuck her, she creates distance to not have sex with him. Thats like your chick. She's purposefully creating distance and either its intimacy or something else. Guess what, if it were because you were needy, she already isnt fucking you, she already sees you 1x a week. Shed just ghost you. There is something with this chick where she just doesnt want to/cant talk to you like that, stay after sex or invite you over. Because if she did, she would.