Dr. Dork MD, remember that as much as you like this one you can attract another comparable woman.

Remember that in spite of all she has to offer, she is human and has her flaws like any other (which will reveal themselves over time).

Remember that your needs matter, and to not burden her, nor short-change yourself into believing she's the only one who can meet those needs.

Remember to remain congruent with your core values, and if something is misaligned to communicate that with love, and in a collaborative manner.

Remember to always stay invested in yourself. A relationship cannot sustain itself by its own momentum. It requires that both people are INTER-dependent, rather than CO-dependent - having lives outside of the relationship. There will always be 3 entities in any healthy relationship: you, your partner, and the relationship.


When you find yourself preoccupied with thoughts of her and where this is going, simply come back to presence, and instead do something to re-invest that energy in you (e.g., going for a run, to the gym, reading a book, going out for a drink w a friend etc).

Dr. Dork MD, remember that as much as you like this one you can attract another comparable woman.

Remember that in spite of all she has to offer, she is human and has her flaws like any other (which will reveal themselves over time).

Remember that your needs matter, and to not burden her, nor short-change yourself into believing she's the only one who can meet those needs.

Remember to remain congruent with your core values, and if something is misaligned to communicate that with love, and in a collaborative manner.

Remember to always stay invested in yourself. A relationship cannot sustain itself by its own momentum. It requires that both people are INTER-dependent, rather than CO-dependent - having lives outside of the relationship. There will always be 3 entities in any healthy relationship: you, your partner, and the relationship.


When you find yourself preoccupied with thoughts of her and where this is going, simply come back to presence, and instead do something to re-invest that energy in you (e.g., going for a run, to the gym, reading a book, going out for a drink w a friend etc).

Thanks for the advice. I'll chill out and play it cool. I have a fear of getting rejected, and I guess I'm not secure enough in this relationship yet to not worry about that happening. And her lack of overt affection is adding to that fear.

OP I'm curious, if chicks are usually getting attached at this point with you, what happened to those chicks?

I just got out of a weighty 2 year relationship with someone, so I've been dating multiple women the last 6 months with no intention of getting into a relationship, with the idea if I found someone relationship worthy I'd give it a shot. The girls I've dated were pretty obvious about what they wanted (texting me to hang out, asking me what I wanted with them). They werent head over heels, but It was pretty obvious they wanted me and wanted to progress the relationship. I was usually the one to control the pace. I'd usually fade out or move on to someone new. I just hadnt really found anyone that I wanted anything long term with.

So how do you plan on dealing with your insecurity moving forward w her?
What's "secure enough" mean?

Continue to keep dating other people and keep my options open. Mirror her investment and try not to come off as needy. Keep a positive head space: knowing that I have a lot to offer and that this relationship is not a critique on my personality/appearance.

Mirror her investment? How do you ascertain another person's level of investment?

More like mirror her actions: text as much as she texts, be intimate as much as she is intimate.

Lol, Arch, why do you always assume its a 9s or 10's thing? Go meet/coach some of these guys...most of these chicks are average that cause all this headache. Guys come here with problems with their chicks, and they're needy and desperate in most cases...they're not with these "9's and 10's" but chicks they think look nice. I take that shit with a grain of salt....all thats given here is a chick who leaves after sex and doesnt text/contact alot. That could be a chick with a bf running home to him. That could be a chick who doesnt like OP like that. That could be a chick who is banging other dudes and looking for nsa. That could be a chick with intimacy issues. These characteristics you describe of 9's and 10's....thats just chicks...Its not, oh she's not needy and leaves after sex...must be a hottie! Lol, a child abuser isnt picky like that where if this girl was abused its a sign she's hot. A molester isnt thinking "nah..that 7 year old is not hot enough"..."I want the chick who looks like she's be a model one day." Just saying...when you assign all of this to a 9's and 10's thing...you're really making a bad assumption.

This ties back to OP, dont go following her lead. Look man, chick doesnt tell you where she lives, rushes out after sex and is taking things slow...while you're trying to follow the lead of this chick...this chick could have a bf simple as that. This chick could just want dates and nothing serious. At the least, with the weird "dont show you where she lives"...she's stupid. All this shit is stupid and you're letting her pull you into either her stupidity or her baggage. So she will come to your place, have sex, but is worried about your mental health? This is why guys come here and the girl "has the power"...because you allow a chick to say any stupid thing and you go with it. And then even when a chick says something stupid, leaves your place after sex, you let her come at you about feeling cheap because you didnt walk her out. That should have been the time you told her if she didnt want to feel cheap she shouldnt have left.

I dont really see this as some big deal, chick is weird and prob has baggage, but what's glaring to me is 1 month in, you're looking to follow her lead and fearful. Simple rule, you should never have to hope or wait for someone to give you what you want. Its called SCREENING, and many guys dont do it. If you want more intimacy and conversations, fine...then this chick should not be your best option and look elsewhere. Maybe things change, but dont go imagining a future where they do. RIGHT now, she isnt meeting your needs. SHE SHOULD NOT BE #1.

You're looking to her. This is gonna to be a bumpy ride for you.

] Thanks dude. Needed this. I'll keep her off the pedestal. I'm definitely still keeping my options open.

You just don't seem to get it. Everything you're saying is symptomatic of a larger problem; looking to a woman to intuit your needs.

Its as though they're unknowingly playing a game you'd invented called "Guess My Need(s)". When a woman guesses incorrectly and fails to respond to a need you become punitive / passive aggressive in some way. All they'll get is a weird vibe and associate it to you, lose interest but for you it'll be this self-fulfilling prophecy.

So should I be upfront about how I'm feeling a little lack of respect? Go NC? I'm not sure what to do

No. That's needy.

Do what Jack said: live in the moment.

It''s how you keep women who mesmerize you.

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