Thank you neo, I am so done with this. Literally getting a call before sleep last night saying she spoke to her friends and how unfair it is of her parents to get in the way, to a call this morning saying she loves me but doesn't see us together because I don't make her happy - after spending last 2 nights together and her chasing after me the moment I left.

You're never responsible for another person's happiness. If she is looking for someone to make her happy, that tells me her life is miserable and she's looking to another person as her salvation, to 'rescue' her.

To remain with her means you're owning responsibility for her, the relationship, and yourself - that's quite the burden to carry.


I have no clue what is going on anymore but she has a lot of issues and she's refusing to accept the. Every time I say I've issues to work on and she has issues to work on she flips and says she didn't have any issues before we met. Even though those issues weren't created by me and were there beforehand she just clearly wasn't aware of them.

It sounds as though she refuses to take any accountability and externalizes things. This fits in with her holding you responsible for her "happiness".



I have no problem attracting women, before this relationship I slept with plenty of girls but I didn't enjoy it as much. I think I am the kind of guy who genuinely wants a relationship where I get to care about somebody and they care about me too. Where am I getting it wrong that whenever I get into a relationship issues come up and my partner isn't willing to work on them, despite saying we love each other it doesn't work out for one or another reason. I am aware of my insecurities, I have spoken about them with my friends and parents and I understand where they came from. Neediness - I think I am afraid of being alone and not finding the right girl for me.

Sounds like you're looking for something reasonable, though her concept/'script' for a relationship won't get you that and is a waste of your time.

At least I am beginning to realise this is probably not her.

First of all can a Moderator move this topic to General as it's not longer a relationship and I do not want to get banned.

Secondly, I am really struggling. I am currently away at a tournament and every moment I am not engaged is some sort of activity I think about her. I completely cut contact with her, I got back into chatting to women, set up a date for Sunday but really not feeling it. Can't shake the feeling that maybe it's still worth fighting for.

The last thing I said to her was that I just can't go any longer like this, one moment everything's fine and the next it's negative. She said her gut is telling her to move on because "you are so similar to my ex in many ways" - I feel like I am being labeled as a person I am not. Just because I was needy and insecure doesn't mean I was malicious and manipulative like the other guy. I asked her not to contact me. She asked me if i was going to go of and score many girls - I said "I'll do whatever it takes to get over this". There were tears. She said she still loved me. I said I am not going to say that back because if she did it'd be different. Later I received a text saying how "it's the hardest decision of her life, how she feels she is going to regret it and how she's going to cherish all the good moments and that she's going to miss her best friend too".

I am questioning if I made the right decision. I know if we met, we'd end up having sex, she'd say it'll be okay just to turn around the next day to start acting cold. I don't understand why I am feeling this way when she has no intention of trying to resolve this (despite previously agreeing it wasn't even that big a deal) and why she say she loves me? I honestly don't think I've ever cared about anybody this deeply but because of that I've lowered my standards and abandoned certain values.

How do I get over this efficiently and why do I feel that ,despite all of this and these new traits she's showing, she's still a girlfriend material?

I'm starting to think GFTOW is not good advice anymore. You just got out of a relationship. You're already talking to chicks and have a date on Sunday. Now, good for you....but I feel like that method just says the only thing that can make you feel good is women. Then we wonder where this needy cycle comes from? Hang with some friends, do work, work out, do some of your hobbies. Just chill. You dont need to run looking for the next hole to fuck or chick to talk to. Not saying sex is bad, it just seems like it gets used as a crutch because you dont have other things in your life that can make you feel good. Look to the other things in life that make you happy...and if nothing else besides a gf/chick does then fix that. When you go to a new chick for something casual or serious, be able to say to yourself, I dont need this...I want to fuck her..I dont need to for xyz reason. That way women no longer make your life, they can compliment it.

First of all can a Moderator move this topic to General as it's not longer a relationship and I do not want to get banned.

Secondly, I am really struggling. I am currently away at a tournament and every moment I am not engaged is some sort of activity I think about her.

That's normal. You're grieving a death of sorts - the relationship. It'll take some time for your brain to adjust to that person not being there. You survived perfectly fine before you'd met them, u'll survive <and dare I say possibly thrive> in their absence.

I completely cut contact with her,

Good.

I got back into chatting to women, set up a date for Sunday but really not feeling it. Can't shake the feeling that maybe it's still worth fighting for.

Not good. Stop looking to other women as your salvation from suffering. Would you tell a star pitcher to go out there and pitch fast balls after he gashed his hand open? Or would you rather him take the time to heal before returning to the mound?

The last thing I said to her was that I just can't go any longer like this, one moment everything's fine and the next it's negative. She said her gut is telling her to move on because "you are so similar to my ex in many ways" - I feel like I am being labeled as a person I am not.

This should be your cue to ghost her and the relationship. She's TELLING you you remind her of an ex (and not in a good way).


So...you're trying to disprove her. This is her projection, her problem not yours. You cannot fix her, or change her thinking on this. Do her the favour and just end it, you're lending too much resistance to the situation. When you try to disprove her characterization of you, you're only preventing yourself from moving on. In the end, let her think what she's going to think - its her issue.

Just because I was needy and insecure doesn't mean I was malicious and manipulative like the other guy. I asked her not to contact me. She asked me if i was going to go of and score many girls - I said "I'll do whatever it takes to get over this". There were tears. She said she still loved me. I said I am not going to say that back because if she did it'd be different. Later I received a text saying how "it's the hardest decision of her life, how she feels she is going to regret it and how she's going to cherish all the good moments and that she's going to miss her best friend too".

#Drama

I am questioning if I made the right decision. I know if we met, we'd end up having sex, she'd say it'll be okay just to turn around the next day to start acting cold. I don't understand why I am feeling this way when she has no intention of trying to resolve this (despite previously agreeing it wasn't even that big a deal) and why she say she loves me? I honestly don't think I've ever cared about anybody this deeply but because of that I've lowered my standards and abandoned certain values.

Someone saying they love you doesn't equate to love - what she's doing doesn't demonstrate behaviours associated with 'love'. What an over used word, what a crock of shit, the two of you have no idea what it even means.

How do I get over this efficiently and why do I feel that ,despite all of this and these new traits she's showing, she's still a girlfriend material?

You're absolutely right. GFTOW rarely, if ever works in the long run.


Why? Its replacing one 'addiction' for another. Its like taking a coke addict and introducing him to heroin to get him off the coke.

Another person can never be your liberation to pain and suffering.

GFTOW is masking an insecure core self, and all it does is perpetuate a thirsty/scarcity mindset under the guise of abundance, that which it is not.

It's called withdrawal OP.

People's responses to having severed ties with another former close person is similar to that of being cut off from their matter of addiction.

The alcoholic will rationalize a million different reasons why giving it up wasn't the right call and why he should go back. It's the exact same thing with breakups. It will suck at first and keeping busy helps. You'll thank yourself a hundred times over when this is done, and you'll regret it a hundred times over if you relapse.

Sometimes you have to endure. That's just life. The only factor of relevance here is whether you'll come out of it stronger by having moved on, or will you be like 85% of the guys out there and eventually snap and sacrifice every shred of your self esteem by desperate attempts of getting her back.

It only reflects a lack of fulfillment in other areas of your life. The less you have going for yourself the more you treasure whatever it is that gives you instant gratification.

I am just off a flight so had a chance to do some quality thinking. You are right, I spoke to my friends and they said that since December I haven't been fully myself. My confidence and free time was consumed by her. I had everything in place before I met her and then decided she was "the one" and everything followed. I was completely blinded and it made me question every decision I made. Even tonight - I am going out and I feel like I want to talk to girls but also am afraid I might be doing it to just fill the gap?

It's the first time I took my chance and trusted somebody 100% and it backfired. Should you withhold certain information in a relationship or does it just mean she wasn't trustworthy and I made a mistake?

I'm not clear on what you're referring to with this question.

I am going out and I feel like I want to talk to girls but also am afraid I might be doing it to just fill the gap?

It's the first time I took my chance and trusted somebody 100% and it backfired. Should you withhold certain information in a relationship or does it just mean she wasn't trustworthy and I made a mistake?

Don't do it then. Talking to women is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. Giving yourself some time is perfectly fine.

The problem wasn't you fully trusting someone else. The problem is you not fully trusting yourself. I said this before, I don't know what your 'secret' is, but if you can't share it with a forum full of strangers then you are not handling it, it's handling you. Everybody has problems, but what defines us is how we deal with them.
That said, if you give someone the girlfriend title, you should not have to withhold any kind information from her. But at the same time, you should have your own life in check. The difference between baggage and casual venting is in your attitude towards the problem itself.

Trusting someone should not be a matter of taking a chance. If there's a chance to take you're trusting the wrong person.

You for the most part saw this relationship not for what it was, but for what you wanted it to be. That's your mistake.