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In recent months I've found myself becoming good friends with a girl in my class in college (we ended up in the same group for a project this semester). Overall I've only known her for about 6 or 7 months but have become close in the last 2
When meeting a woman, the first few interactions with her will determine how she sees you. Either as a possible lover, or a possible friend. That's entirely up to you, based on how you present yourself and act towards her, but once you're presented yourself as a friend, you're a friend. She does not and will not see you as a sexual option from that point onward.
Ironically enough you'll see most guys *play it safe* and try to befriend their way into a woman's pants. That literally never works, for the reason described above.
I know you said you had no interest in her at first, and that's fine, but just know that for future reference.
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She's very open and casual when it comes to sex and has told me about her first time, her favourite positions and how she likes a guy to go down on her and most importantly I think, how her relationship w/ her bf was going downhill
Unless you're already having sexual contact with a woman, her telling you about her bf, even if she's describing a bad relationship going downhill, is not a good sign if your intentions are romantic.
She's not offering you a sexual green light, she's talking about her problems with her
friend.
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A month ago she dumped said bf and like a good friend I was there, shoulder to cry on blah blah blah. But the thing is I wasn't interested at the time. Just didn't see her that way. Until 2 weeks ago
The lover is not a shoulder to cry on or an emotional tampon. The friend is. Again, I know you said you had no interest in her at this time, but don't mistake her brotherly affection for sexual attraction.
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Our class went out for a pre-easter break party. She got fairly drunk and her being her she gets really horny when she's drunk. So she starts flirting w/ a guy in the class. This guy gets around and has been flirting w/ her all year so needless to say I'm not a big fan
Anyway an hour or 2 into the night she comes into the kitchen and calls me out to talk saying that she's just after feeling him up and she's asking me if they should go all the way. Obviously I said it was a bad idea partly because I was thinking classmates off-limits and she'd regret it but it was around then I realised I wanted her to myself. She doesn't see what would be wrong and is asking me if casual sex w/ a classmate would be so bad. Then she asks me if it would be weird if we hooked up
Classmates are off limits and yet you want to fuck her - your classmate. Quite hypocritical. At this point you went from friend to orbiter. That's the guy being territorial with his female friend that he secretly has a crush on and gives her periodic jealousy spikes.
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To this day I don't know was she coming on to me or being hypothetical but like an idiot I panicked and said it would probably be a bad idea. She starts going on about how she hasn't had sex since her breakup and is masturbating everyday. At that point we were interrupted as it was time to go to the bar so nothing more was said
Next time just say "Let's find out", grab her waist and pull her in. And be light about it.
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We head to the bar and she seems to have come to her senses and is backing down on the classmate whos turning into a right asshole at this point and upsetting her. So she comes to me and stays beside me for the next 2 hours in each others arms. And shes doing this weird thing where shes grabbing my side and squeezing hard every few seconds. Needless to say I"m at half mast here and badly want to fuck her. But I don't drink you see so I'm trying to keep my wits about me thinking shes in your class and you'll have to deal w/ her for another 3 years. So I do nothing She eventually hooks up w/ a guy she called who meets her outside and they leave. I go soon after. I also get a text later on once home asking if I was still there but I tell her I've gone home and she says she's gonna do the same
Why don't you drink?
Anyway I don't get this "she's in your class" thing. You haven't even kissed the girl but you're already picturing shit going bad and having to "deal with her for 3 years"? What does that even mean? It's not like you live in the same apartment.
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Next morning I get a text saying she won't be in for class cause she's dying sick. Eventually I learn through talking w/ her that she never went home. She ended up at the classmates and had sex w/ him. At this point I'm seeing red. I tell her that I don't trust this guy and that she should get out of there, offering to pick her up. She declines the lift but leaves his place quietly. She texts me later then saying how grateful she is to have me looking out for her and loves that I worry about her. Shit ton of xs heart and kiss face emoticons. At this point I 'm in fear of the friendzone so I figure fuck it, I'm going for it.
Dude.. no. You're the guy that offered to pick her up after she got fucked by another man. Take a second and let that sink. How could she possibly be attracted to that?
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So over the next week (the week just gone) I decide to start flirting w/ and teasing her. I text her once on sunday and once on wednesday trying not to over do it. On the wednesday I ask if she wants to hang out. "Yes please" she says bunch of xs. "Looking forward to it" I say "Me too" she says more xs.
Well yeah. You're friends. Ofc she wants to hang out.
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Now she starts snapchatting me w/ pics of her everyday. Obviously I say she looks sexy in the pics. She finds it funny. But one night I ask how her easter break was going what has she been doing. She lists a bunch of nonsense I really don't care about. But amidst this nonsense she mentions a guy she met at the start of the week and how she spent the week w/ him. I'm wondering is she trying to make me jealous so I say exactly that. "John Smith are you jealous" she says (obviously not using my real name). So I casually say no, it's not like I'm into you
Wishful thinking. A woman that wants to fuck you doesn't do stupid shit like tell you about other men, crippling her chances in the process.
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This is where it goes downhill. She starts asking how long I've been into her. So I tell her the truth. I thought that what she wanted was to fool around. And then I get the friendzone speech. I end the convo there and say it's fine goodnight blah blah but she agrees to still hang out as planned.
You based all this on a drunken haze? Why?
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Hear nothing from her until the day we're supposed to hang out. Over the weekend I've been friending a dozen girls on FB thinking it'll make her jealous and am planning to postpone our "date" at the last minute. But then the morning of the "date" she texts saying that instead of going out lets just hang at hers. "I thought it'd be a good idea". Fuck yeah I'm thinking but I withold the enthusiasm and just say k. I let her know I've stuff to do beforehand (which I don't) and might be late. I say 9ish she says great. I deliberately show up 20 mins late but w/ a bottle of wine.
Friending girls on FB to make a chick that specifically said she sees you as nothing more than a friend jealous is pathetic OP. I'm not saying that as an attack towards you, I'm just giving you some real talk. If you were a woman, would that be your definition of an attractive man? Dude who send friend requests over FB to make you jealous?
The wine is just continued and exaggerated wishful thinking. She explicitly told you she doesn't see you that way. But you created a different scenario in your head.
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But clearly I was wrong. She's not alone her 2 roommates 1 girl 1 guy and the girl roommates boyfriend are there too. Fuck. Ok I can still swing this. Chat for a good bit w/ her friends building up a good rapport w/ them. Ignore her. Every now and again she tries to grab my attention to say something. I pretend everytime that I didn't hear her the first time. I notice out of the corner of my throughout the night that she's glancing my direction every now and again. And when we talk we maintain eye contact for minutes on end.
So I stay for 4 hours hoping that she'll eventually go to bed and ask me to join. But eventually she's falling asleep at the table. So I leave thinking that she'll ask me to stay. Nope. Not even a hug goodbye. And she didn't even drink the fucking wine.
She was not going to ask you to join her in bed OP. Nor ask you to stay.
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So here I am wondering why she keeps sending me mixed messages and asking you all what the hell my next move knowing that:
-Once this week is over I'll be back in class w/ her like normal
-There's 2 weeks left in the semester and 1 week for exams. Then it'll be 3 months of summer where I don't HAVE to see her
-And finally in the last week the class will be going out again. And I have to try something
I'll take any help I can get but before you respond know that:
-Though I care about this girl I DO NOT love her. I simply want what she keeps teasing me with
She
is not sending you any kind of mixed messages. Her message was as crystal. It doesn't get clearer than that. You choose to distort reality.
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-I know I should just drop her and leave but I can't so don't even suggest it. Yes I'm obsessing over her but she's stuck in my head and I need to fuck her
The fuck is that supposed to mean? Yes I'm going to suggest it. You came here asking for advice and you're not going to be given shit advice because *you can't drop her*.
The fuck do you want us to say? Buy more wine, buy her flowers, write a poem and sing her a serenade? You blew whatever shot you had when you decided not to kiss her when she was craving for dick. Then she got dick from someone else.
You can't unbreak glass, so next time don't break it in the first place. Take a chance when the situation demands it. Not when it's too late.
CHAT
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