Unnexpeted thing happened
I was in a date today

one girl wrote me week after I had wrote her last message. I had even forgot her.
I say, lets meet today maybe. She agreed. Then I asked, where, when, what will we do? I suggested for a walk in my area.
She suggested meet in her area in in coffee.
And then I thought like shit, I really do not want to go to coffee with unknown girl. It is because - in case there will be a tension and nothing to talk about, there will be even more tension and awkward.
From one coach (whihc is not good) but still has some useful advice sometimes, because he learned from other pickup coahes, said that you should choose a place where you feel good.
I did not know how to tell her, and was thinking.Asked her why she does not want for a walk, is it too cold (about 5 degree celcius). She said yea, she recently was ill and do not want get cold again.
So I though I have lost a date. At least for today. I said it is not fun first date in cofffe. Because what if we run out of things to say, it will be shitty, walking relaxes more than sitting at the table in front of each other, plus if we would sit where tables are close to others, then other people might listen to what I am saying to a girl and would think what a lame guy or smth.
But she asked - are you worrying when going to date? I said yea. Was honest. If she does not like it, then let it be. At least she will not be surprised. BUt she said - does it happen that there is nothing to say? I said yea

Asked her - if she is not worrying when going to date, and she said she isnt. Btw she is not like super hot, but she is fuckable, at least for me. I thought girl like this could worry, at least with other hot guys. With me I believe she is not worrying. And then I though, yea, that might be too hot for me then
I said - probably I have too litlle practice with dates, and so I am worryring. She said she also has not much practice.
Also she said- it is not possilbe to be liked by everyone and no need. Do not worry. More courage, nothing criminal is happening, just increasing social circle. Most important in communication is sinceriy and openness.
So I said - I am very open
Afterr what she talked about, knowing that I do not feel very well in going to coffee and still wants to meet, then I became more calm and thouht ok, need to give a try. And I said - ok lets meet in the coffee, plan for half an hour, if we run out of things to say, then we leave. If we have things to talk, then we can do more time.
And she was ok.
And in date was very easy, she was talking a lot and very interesting. She was working at ambulance, saving peoples lifes. And there was many interesting things to me. Like howf fast can ambulance go. She said once they went at 180 km/h and things liek that. SHe said its big pleasure to save someones life.
Really nice person. I was bit surprised about her confidence. She said "because I have good looks, I get lots of emails at dating site". Hmm I though, interesting. I would give her like 5-6 of 10 ,but she thinks so good about her. Of course at dating sites there are lot of guys who want to fuck any hole so they try everyting and so she gets lot of emails.
And also if you are so hot, why do you go to date with guy like me

interesting
Also she made a serious girl image. She talked that she had guys who werre not serious so she broke up wit them.
When we talked, surprsiingly we made good eye contact and it was not like super hard, like with other girls, especially on first date. And we did not keep too big distance at the table, she was bending to my side which turned me on. She has big boobs. She is not fat, but not slim as well, could be bit slimmer ideally, but definitelly its not a shame to walk with her and let others see her with me. I woudd even get more respect from guys if I would walk with girl like her.
So far she looks that I would like to fuck her.
But I feel like not wanting to marry her. And so that means I instantly know that if I get into a relationship, it will end sooner or later when she realizes that I am not trying to go that far like into a marriage.
And you could say - so what, just fuck her and do not think about marriage.
But I feel bad about this. If she is really seriously thinking and I just think about fucking and leaving her after a while, as I understand she does not want even to start then. I mean if I would say - lets be fuck friends, 99 % that she would not want that. So by hiding the truth intension I feel bad. Especially that she is so good girl. Not like some bastard. She saves peoples lifes. Maybe I one day will need help of her to save my life. And it feels bad to act like this.
I guess I will try to meet her again. But if she really will ask me my intentions, I am not sure what to say. I kind of want to be honest but I might loose the sex.
Or it might be that she will not ask questions like - do you believe we can go till marriage or smth like that. Maybe she will just have fun without asking those difficult questions. And later after fucking more times, then she might ask and then I can say honestly- I do not feel like marrying her.
Also the problem is - if the sex would be very good, I might not want to loose that. I takes huge time till I find girl for sex. I might be more than year again till I get at least a hand job.
But thats bit too far thinking also I guess
