I’ve been seeing this woman for about a month now. We’ve gone out on three dates, hung out at my place once, and had sex twice. I’m 30 and she’s 29. I live with my father and she lives with both of her parents. The first time we had sex was during our second date; I brought her home at 2am while my father was asleep. The second time we had sex was when we met up just for sex at my place on a Friday night, when my father wasn’t home. If my father is home, we’re both very quiet and feel very inhibited during sex and just in general. My father hasn’t actually met her.

Ever since we had sex for the first time, on multiple occasions, she’s brought up her frustration at how sex logistics with me is complicated because I live with my father. She doesn’t want to come over if my father is home and her parents are always home and she feels too awkward bringing a guy over. She loves having sex with me and her sex drive is high, and she occasionally texts me saying that she wants to have sex (we do a little bit of dirty talk back and forth sometimes). She also said that she really appreciates the fact that I’m willing to please (her ex was pretty selfish in bed).

Yesterday, she said these two things when we were texting at night:

“And honestly, I don’t really enjoy sneaking around. Like sex is nice and fun, but I realllllly don’t enjoy sneaking around and feeling like I’m in high school and doing something I shouldn’t haha. I know that’s not something resolvable now, I’m just venting a frustration.”

“And I mean, with housemates, if you have someone over in your room, it’s assumed you have sex, even if there aren’t noises. With family, it’s freakin awkward bringing someone over and going into your room even if there’s nothing going on.”

We both have college degrees and make middle class wages. I can afford to move out, but rent is very high out here, so I choose to live with my father so I can have more disposable income. The money I spend on dates can add up as well, so it’s convenient that I live with my father and pay very little for rent. She does freelance work, so she lives with her parents because she sometimes goes through periods where she’s unemployed, because it’s the nature of her work.

What do I do? Is the only solution just to move out of my father’s place and move in with housemates? Would she see me as being weak and submissive if I did that?

And based on what she’s been telling me (especially our recent conversation), does it seem like she’ll eventually stop seeing me if I don’t move out? How long do you think I have until this becomes a big problem?

I have never in my life met someone who said "I'm so glad rent is so cheap, I barely feel it hemorrhaging my budget".

Move out. You're 30.

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I second that.

Unless you need to provide care for your dad or there's a specific reason you should live with him, move out.

Women like independent men. Living with your dad at the age of 30 will be a big turnoff for most of them. Move out.