Quote:
I want to talk about making friends. I don't know how to treat my guy friends. I'm a musician and in a band with a lead singer. The music we're making is amazing. Sometimes though - I've noticed there can be friction with me between people. I tend to make jokes about people a lot and kind of give people commands and be dominate. Which I learned from Pua but use them with the wrong people. With lead singers - that can go bad. I've never really leaned how to make friends. I had a terrible disease at 15 and it took 5-6 years out of my life. I also grew up in an abusive household - and suffer from PTSD from it. So the part of my life where I'd make fiends was not there. And I'm catching up at the age of of my mid-twenties. I've learned to treat men and women differently. With a women, I don't flatter her with compliments - I'll tease her and challenge her. I see if she's worth my time. And I realized guys hate that. They don't want to be challenged, lack of compliments could mean I'm being a jerk. I don't know how to make guy friends. I end up making jokes/fun at them and feeling insecure and jealous (sorta) in their presence. At the same time wanting them to like me. And qualifing myself - which is... bad?
I'm very stand-offish. I kind of have a chip on my shoulder and I'm kinda silent and OVERLY logical. Let me say that again, OVERLY LOGICAL.
I've learned in social situations one person will eventually dominate the other person. And for me, for someone to have power over me or make me feel like a beta male - is very uncomfortable and can make me angry. I kind of have this complex as wanting people to like me so I'll say good things about myself which sounds like bragging and I can be very uncomfortable in my body and feel insecure. And I can say that because I'm learning to be more open.
Also, the guys all take turns mocking me, making fun me, cursing me, not listening to my opinions, talking over me, the lead singer called me a part that relates to a woman's reproductive organ. So they're kind of all like trying to dominate me by making me appear as some beta-male. In reality - I'm like a really loving person, truly loving but no one sees that side of me cause I see it as weakness. I'm also a good leader but they dispose my leadership. When you give people too much praise they than see you as someone that gave up all your value. I've lost mine and am seen as an outcast. And push my buttons by calling me gay slurs, mind games - it all makes me reactive. It's a hard position to be in especially in a continuing creative environment.
AND VERY IMPORTANT: please comment on this. I feel my first impression was bad so it's just stood like that. I don't believe that people can like you once you've made a bad first impression. That memory of you will just stay in their head. And you'll always be like that. True?
Please tell me what you all think I really would enjoy to hear a lot of opinions. Go!
lmao, dude! Stop whining about this shit. So, some dude called you gay slurs, don't listen to your opinion, and dis respects you. You don't come here crying about it. You fight back. It's guy code that if your friends tease you, you tease back. If not, it'll be weird.
With girls, the ability to tease/challenge, make a joke, and lead is an alpha, masculine, and attractive quality.
With men, challenging is invading territory. Every men is responsible to provide a safe environment. An alpha challenge is an intrusion. Alphas don't intrude, they dominate. They dominate by attracting people to their environment, by being fun, and they put people on their side, making it look easy. Then, they don't have to intrude, because everything is theirs and people are gladly, willing to subdue.
CHAT
