So a little over a year ago I clumsily hit on a bartender after hanging out in her bar for a few weeks. Got her number, got home, and got a text about how she wasn't ready to start dating.

So I stopped going to the bar on a weekly basis, and just started going when I normally would. (E.g. certain special events, with friends, when I was actually in the area, etc.)

At first she'd still come right over and say hi, start serving and such... but it seems like the last few times I was there she basically ignored me unless I was with a specific friend who's really good at making friends with bartenders. (I seriously wish I had half her skill at both bartenders AND game, as she was a serious player before she settled down.)

So I could be imagining things, or I could have said something stupid/embarrassing last time I was there, or whatever... (my friend says I didn't but who knows.)

But like last night I waited for a good 15 minutes before one of the other bartenders finally came over from the other side of the bar to take my order.

So is there any way to fix the bartender/patron relationship? Or do I just need to make sure I'm in another bartender's section from now on? I just want timely drinks dammit...

How would you not remember what you said?

You said you got her number after several weeks.

Why?

I tend to date bartenders, and they tell me about how they can't stand the "stare guys". It's good you got her number, but if you're just staring at them and not doing anything, you will get anointed as the "stare guy".
It sounds like you need to cut back on the drinking. The bartenders will also get creeped out if stare guy drinks too much. And if you're not remembering what you're saying, you are behaving in a very beta, non-dominant way which will creep out bartenders.

These women run the bar. sitting at their bar is a submissive action. So you have to keep a dominant frame.

To answer your final question, you repair your relationship with bartenders you fucked up with by simply bringing your dates to that bar, right in front of that bartender.

Or you fuck one of her co-workers.

It's that simple.

There is no "conversation" or logical line of attack. Any sort of apologizing or needy/clingy "talk" will further put you in creeper zone. Go about your business, and show social proof, moderate drinking so you remember what you say, and the damage will begin to repair itself.

I approach bar/restaurants in a blitzkrieg fashion. Strike fast, or face trench warfare.

First, I make sure I'm in great shape. Then I make sure I have non-faded, decent clothing (no sports team hats or shirts). At that point, I go into the bar, find the hottest worker (server, bartender, whatever) and ask her out right there. I escalate as soon as possible.

When you've done your work on bedroom skills, after she fucks you, she'll gossip top her female co-workers about how fun it was.

And that fucking bar is yours for life.

But you have to follow the five fundamental principles. It involves personal evolution, and impeccable timing. When you enter that arena with significant improvements across all aspect of your life, you will make it yours.

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It was after a long day of drinking for St Patrick's Day, I kinda blacked out...
LOL... there's a couple threads about it if you want to go through my history. The short version is I couldn't tell if she was interested or not and I overthought things rather than just manning up and asking her out.

I don't think I was a "stare guy." I was always either talking to her or playing on my phone... but not staring.
Maybe, but the last time is probably the first time I had too much in front of her. All the times back when I was actually hitting on her it was a drink or two after work.
That actually had been my intention... but I got turned down so decided to go anyway with another male friend instead.

But ok, I'll definitely take some dates there. It's actually a great place for it being near other things... but I guess being there with my female friends doesn't work as well?

You have an interesting habit of timing an edit while I'm replying.

Five fundamental principles? I'm working on getting in shape, I think my clothes are "ok" but once I lose some more weight I'll try for nicer stuff. Sexual skills... well, that's a big insecurity right now. :/

Cut that shit out. Blacking out is beta behavior. That's a sign to begin moderating alcohol consumption.
Eh, that's just okay.

As far as staring, you don't have to actually stare. What the hired guns mean when they ridicule these kinds of guys, is it's the guy who show up in frumpy sports team gear, plays with his phone the entire time,or stares at the TV, and doesn't talk to anyone. Even making small talk with a guy next to you helps. It's the vibe you give off. Confident, playful.
No, it doesn't. To repair your social standing with hired guns you blew it with, you need dates. You and a woman, one on one. And it helps if she is all over you. Bring in a date a week. Tinder, whatever it takes, evenif you can't stand the girl, lol.

It works, been there, done that many times. Eventually like I said before, I learned to apply a blitzkrieg method to local establishments, which means I entered fully at my best, and made moves that night. Once you fuck the "head witch", the rest will want it, too.

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Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.