Man,

I come off in a fucked up way I guess over messaging. I know. If you spoke to me right now on SPAM, you would see that. I'm a normal guy, lots going for me, I just get so wrapped in. Maybe it's because I have been so so entitled my whole life, I got everything I wanted and that's fucking awful to say. Beyond that, I was always the star, star in high school soccer, captain, scholarship in college, captain in soccer in college, then scholarship for masters, fucking all the girls, MBA with business honors, meet this babe of a model, and because I graduate with my masters, my eligibility for the NCAA and soccer is over... the highest level of soccer I will ever play, it's all done, I feel sick and shit. Banging college babes, is done... getting pussy in class, is done. I don't know where I want to work, what I want to do, where I want to be. It's all a fucking joke and now I am a joke. The last three months, the only positives to my days, were fucking the shit out of her, and now, shes looking to fuck another guy. And it makes me sick.

Now, I am going home to Europe, to get therapy, to use more of my parents money, who have always been there for me, and I feel awful deep down because of it, I am, seriously, a living joke. If you saw me 4 months ago, you would think, Skinny, you're doing fucking well, you're banging in goals in the last round of the NCAA 16, you got all conference, your banging the hottest girl in a college campus who is in magazines, you're getting A's in all your classes? What a fucking legend. This isn't a brag fest, I swear. I am in the airport lounge, writing this. I have literally nothing going for me now.

No hot girl to bang, college and masters done, no job prospects, soccer.. done, highest level I will play, done... I feel a whole in my stomach all the time, where I feel weak and a tight knot, all i want to do is sleep, I feel most comfortable when the lights are off and I am in my room, and no one talks to me, no one bothers me. To make sure I sleep, I lately take a sip of NyQuil to pass out, and I wake up, and I take an anti-depressant, and I feel the same, every single day now.

Numb. Because I believe the best part of my life is over, and I truly believe that she is by far the hottest girl I could get and have got. And at one points, she really, really liked me and was all about me, and I drove her away, and I want her back. Maybe for ego sake, for something, but I just want her to want me.

Warped,

You never banned me, no idea why you would even think that.

Second of all, that's not true, I disappeared for almost a year, I have come back and you guys are jumping on the bandwagon of now talking shit about me?

Look, I am dealing with this in the best way I can.

I can't help but get beta or want to talk to her.

If i tell her I left (no chance of me coming back I guess), she's done and on to some other dick by tomorrow, probably my team mates, who are now all following her on instagram and probably talking shit about me to her.

This girl had a bf and was fucking you.
This girl while dating you, went out with another guy, and prob fucked him too

Do you really think whatever you tell her is going to keep dicks out of her?

Lol.

Thats why n2 has to call this semi retarded...because its like you dont think.

Move the fuck on. You're not mentally or emotionally in a place where you can date this woman. Or any woman if this is how you act when things go bad. You were supposed to fix your life the last time by making real friends and finding a life outside of women. You didnt do that. A year later.

Not every girl who cheats with you, is going to cheat on you. I mean, she broke up with the guy for me. I listened to what she said and I judged her actions. She broke up with him, introduced me to her family, I was there and it was all set up.

I did focus on me, a year later, I had soccer, I was doing really well, I had things going for me, friends, and I met this girl. Then I graduated, I lost my soccer, my friends because school is now done, the girl because I am no longer in school and I left. If things were going well with her, I would have stayed, I would have tried to find a job there and make something work, but it just got worse and worse. I was slowly weaning off my anti-depressants and then this all happened.

Heywood, this isn't all in my control, I cannot help but WANT to talk to her, WANT to message her, want to see what she is up to. Did I do a shitty thing by leaving without telling her?

Does it make sense to you guys why I left without telling? I don't know what I should be doing now.

Heywood, this isn't all in my control, I cannot help but WANT to talk to her, WANT to message her, want to see what she is up to. Did I do a shitty thing by leaving without telling her?

Does it make sense to you guys why I left without telling? I don't know what I should be doing now.