Hey PUA!

Last night I was out with 25 of my close friends because it was my birthday. During the night and at the dinner before the club, my girlfriend acted distant but I didn't really pay attention because I was busy talking to my guests and so on!

Then out at the club, she wasn't with my group of friends I couldn't find her, so after some time i decided to go look after her. Then i see her dancing close with a random guy and it just didn't look right to me as she had her hans around his neck, while dancing. One of her girl friends where there as well. Then everything escalates and I get really mad saying wtf, and why she was dancing with this dude and not me and so on.It might be worth mentioning that be were both really drunk when it happened.

Well we got into a fight and she was crying saying that she was really sorry and that she understood that it looked wrong, but that nothing was happening and she just danced and it got i bit too much. I asked her why she had been acting this way (distant for two days), and she said that everything happened two nights ago, when we were talking and I said that I had applied for a job, where I would be away for 16 months... She asked what if I got it (the chances were super slim, like less than 1% (1300 applicants for 1 job) and I said that I didn't believe in long distance relationships. Considering that her family has been torn apart when she was a kid, because her father left due to a job in a foreign country, it sparked some bad emotions.

She furthermore gave me her an extra set of keys for her apartment, because I needed to lock myself in. Apparently it was ment for me to keep the keys and it was a gesture that I didn't get, so when i left the morning after I gave her, her keys back and this just reinforced for her that something was wrong and that I was going to leave her.

This had tricked bad feelings in her, and she wanted to make me jaloux that night, which she acknowleded were super stupid. There were furthermore a lot of girls at my party - many of them which showed a lot of interest in me and I think it got a bit much for her - even though I never act on anything the girls bring at me... I guess I would describe me as a quite popular and good looking guy and sometimes it might be a bit difficult for her, as girls often hit on me.

Well, I said that I didn't accept this kind og behavior and that I know my own value and if I get treated poorly, I will not stay and get abused. I told her that if she wants a relationship she needs to talk to me, when I do something that hearts her and without trust there is no relationship. Today she has saying sorry and doing everything and really says she will work on that. She have btw never cheated as far as i know. I apologised for my words and actions with the keys.

What do you think about all this? Can she be trusted or should I leave now? She said that she has done the same trick and testing her old boyfriend in the same manner. For me last night was a big red flag. Also feels a bit hummiliated

- btw our relationships has been going on for almost a year and we have always trusted each other completely when we go out with our friends. We have amazing sex and a lot of it and besides this fight, everything has just been really good so this is the first real issue besides small things.

Meh. not a big deal, IMHO. When you go to a club, it's implied there might be dirty dancing or risque moments with you and other girls, or her and other guys. It's just science in that kind of environment. I let my girl loose in clubs to do what she wants, because they are trashy places that merit trashy behavior, lol.

Sounds like alcohol drama. Drink less.


The real problem, IMHO is you were cold to you girl of one year. When you apply for a job overseas, and then say "you don't believe in long distance relationships", you are telling her you don't give a flying fuck about her.

This is one of those moments where you need to clarify, and show some humility and understanding. Expect her to act out more if you don't resolve this.

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If she had danced with a random dude while drunk I'd have had no problem. But the fact that she did it solely to piss you off or make you jealous is incriminatingly stupid.

She seems very immature if she somehow decided it's a better idea to be all up in a guys face instead of simply opening her mouth and communicating with you?

She is somewhat right to be upset though. Wouldn't you be if the situation was reversed? She applies for an oversea job, you ask what's gonna happen and she's all like "Nah I don't really believe in LDR's". Way to make your partner feel appreciated.
Even if it's true, there are more tactful ways of handling it. Especially since there's such a slim chance of having it become reality.

That doesn't excuse the stupid way she went about the problem though. Bad past experiences or no. If anything, that's exactly why she should've handled it better.

Point is, you're both at fault.

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Why I would never go to a club to find a relationship.

If you have to defer to other people whether you should trust someone or not, it implies you cant trust yourself. Therefore, you're likely not going to be successful in any relationship as trust must exist at its very foundation.

Thanks for your reply R.C.

Once again you give me good advice and i completely agree that I should have talked with her before applying and should have been better at communicating. I handled it wrong, especially considering my girlfriends history.

She has been so apologetic and I made it clear that I will not accept this kind of behavior. If I have done something wrong, she needs to communicate it to me in a direct way and quit the passive/aggressive style - and I need to pay a bit more attention to the small signs.

Anyway I learned something and she saw that I am not taking this kind of behavior as I value myself and know that I have plenty of other options if she does not respect me. She is btw back to being all over me and seems like things are back to normal.

Thanks everyone

SO she did this to an old boyfriend and now she is doing it to test you? That sounds childish right there. If women use any form of attention seeking to get their way, they are very immature. I am not big on the club scene myself but I know how it works and this just sounds like she is being immature.