So what do you think you could of done better?

a) Not taken all her talk of being depressed seriously.
b) Not telling my boss.
c) Not agreeing to coffee with her and my boss.

If I hadn't done those maybe I'd be banging her as we speak. But saying that, I've been out of the game a long time. It's been bad timing as my break up maybe hit me harder than I thought. So I'd have probably fucked it up some other way lol.

Before I posted this thread I thought, okay. I'm going to invite her for a quick coffee tomorrow. I wasn't going to take no for an answer, was just going to say there's something I want to ask you, it's no big deal, just a quick chat. Then at coffee I was going to say, look. I wasn't in a good place before with my break up and stuff. I was trying to hold it down so it didn't affect work, but obviously it did because I ended up upsetting/offending you some how. Just for the record I offered to take you out that day, not out of sympathy or anything, but because I genuinely thought we could have a laugh and a good time. It's obvious now you like the other guy in the office, he's a cool guy so I can't blame you, and I have 2 girls at the moment that want to hook up with me but I've been putting them off because, even though you're a total geek and went schizo on me, I actually quite like you. But if you don't like me at all, then that's fine I can move on and do my thing knowing that at least I said something. And no hard feelings, let's be friends while we're at work and get back to where we was before, eh?

But after this thread I think I'm just going to write it off as a bad mistake, and try not to get too crushed while she flirts over the guy 3 feet away. But I'm thinking there might always be that nagging doubt that she thinks I never did like her in that way, I just felt sorry for her.

It's a mess I know.

HOLY SHIT.

Dude, this is an emotionally-uncentered response.

You have never touched this girl. And even if you were in a one year relationship, this is still needy. You're explaining too much, putting her on a pedestal and coming off incredibly weak.

Look at the context, man. You have never had relations with this woman, ever. You should not be spending one second, or one thought on any of this.

No, it's not a mess. A "mess" would imply that something actually existed to cause a mess.

Ignore this woman, and move on.

If she asks you for favors, neg her. "how do you not have a car, haha. Weird."

You have such incredibly low value to her, have displayed such needy, emotional behavior that your only hope is to ignore, or neg when she talks to you.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

I agree, which is why I came on here for some fresh perspective.

The only thing you're missing here is that I have played it seriously cool. Yes I broke and texted her that one time which displayed low value. And I've displayed low value in a few other areas, no doubt. But I've also displayed high value by ignoring her bullshit 99% of the time, and displaying that I have a full life.

For example, I go to salsa on Monday's and have said how sexy it is and a woman tried to come back to my flat after a dance. Last Monday I mentioned it was salsa night and she seemed pissed off, and was rude to me the next morning when I asked how she was.

So it's little things like that, that make me think she must have some kind of feelings otherwise why would she give a fuck? Why isn't she asking if I picked up a chick, or something?

She has a lot of pride, and I've never told her I liked her. All I did was ask her out that one time, and that could have been construed as a sympathy date considering I'd told our boss that she was depressed.

So, yeah, I agree to move the fuck on and forget about her. But she might think I'm a complete cold heart and she's flirting with this other guy as a means to make herself feel better. Or she might genuinely like him now and have zero attraction to me. I have no idea. But for now I'm sticking with ignoring and negging, for sure.

I have seen no evidence of that.

Telling a woman you get women is a joke. They see right through it. Do you think she's dumb? this only works if you show up with another woman to wherever the other girl is. There's a saying in the writing industry called "show don't tell". It applies to women, too.

See, this is why being congruent and honest with women gets them on their knees. They see the kind of shit you are doing, and are repelled by it. When they encounter a man who is honest, it's such a huge relief for them.


Do you know how to tell when a woman gives a fuck? It's when she unzips your pants. Until then, everything else is completely fucking meaningless. All of this, all your words, all your thoughts, feelings and actions, and hers up to this point mean nothing.

You didn't have to tell her you liked her. You blew up her phone in a needy, emotional way. You have conveyed how you feel about her through desperation. She is well aware. Women love it when men don't waste their time, or doubt their intelligence. This is EASILY handled by being honest and congruent in your interactions with women.


Your "coffee sit down" with the boss and her was you being too afraid to ask her out yourself, it was you not being congruent with your desires. What do you think is creepier to a woman?

1. A man walks into a bar, makes solid eye contact with the bartender. Then he asks her name, and then asks her what she's doing after work.

2. A guy shows up at the bar for weeks, quietly staring at the woman, and then one month in he has his friend come with him, and has his friend ask the girl what she's doing later.

You did #2, man.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

You make a lot of good points.

But I have to defend myself on a couple. Yes I blew up her phone that one time. The rest of the time I've played it cool, shown disinterest, risen above her bullshit attitude etc. So apart from that one time I haven't come across as completely needy, just been getting on with my life.

Secondly. I asked her out to her face. I said come out with me Saturday we'll do something. She said, yes why not, okay. Then that night I was having a drink with my boss and mentioned she was coming across as depressed, and he said we should all have a coffee the next day and make sure she's okay, and see if we can help with anything.

It was the next day when I said about coffee with the boss that she blew up.

So yeah, a lot of valid points which I take on board. But it's not quite as bad as you think.

So what happened with the date? I assume it was canceled because of the coffee thing?
Of course she would. This was classic guy "fixer" mentality and really overstepping your boundary.

Definitely neg her for her shitty attitude, though. She's not innocent. But never contact her via phone again unless she hits you up first. If she does, arrange a meetup immediately, don't explain anything.

I'm getting the vibe from you, that you feel the need to logically explain every situation and defend yourself (you're doing it right now with me). This is a classic flaw in game, and will get you friend-zoned a lot. Doing it here is one thing, but with women it will kill attraction completely, like you are their subservient little bitch. 9's and 10's will turn icy cold on you.

Tape a sticky note to the back of your phone: "Is this an explanation text? Is this text emotional and negative?" You need to train yourself, and eventually you won't need the note.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Hahaha! Man, you're 100% right.

Yeah, she was crazy with me over the coffee thing, basically coming across as if she hated my guts. So I assumed she was mad about me ratting her out to the boss and texted her that night (friday) to apologize and said I won't mention it again and that I'd see her Monday. So, yeah the Saturday date was off. She texted back and said "No worries have a good weekend!".

But from that day on has been shitty as fuck.

You're right though on everything and it's advice I needed, so thanks a lot.

Dude if for whatever god forsaken reason I'd be depressed / tell someone in the office that I'm depressed, and the next day my boss invites me for coffee wanting to talk about it you better believe there's gonna be some ass kicking.

I don't care if the he were the coolest boss in the world. If I wanted him to know I'd have told him myself. God damn.

Stop blaming her for being crazy. She may very well be but that's irrelevant. Your train of though completely derailed on that one.
Let go of your ego, it'll do you a huge service.

That said, Arch covered everything there was to cover.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Agreed. Major fuck up which I've paid massively for.

You didn't pay massively. You lost a girl you had nothing with. A prospect, nothing more. Albeit a hot one.

There's plenty of that all around. As long as you walk with a lesson learned, you've won more than you lost.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Jeez man, you are so scared of pussy. I mean, if your boss is this guy who takes out people who are depressed, why didnt you open your mouth up and say you were depressed? Thats shitty. And if you really thought she was depressed, after you asked her out, why not just plan to cheer her up during the date? You showed you talk to much, and if a chick is going to date you at work, she doesnt want to feel like you're the kinda guy who is talking like that.

All that said, you are still way too scared. Even after your fuck up, chick asks to get in your car. Chick talks about her apartment. Chick doesnt cancel the date, YOU tell her its ok and YOU cancel. All of this could have been simple and ended a while back. Chick gets in your car, its an excuse for you to take her somewhere. Chick talks abt her apartment, its an excuse for you to go to her apartment. You probably couldve recovered if you hadnt cancelled the date, or you had taken her in the car. Even if she is pissed with you at work, its a different story one on one, and something that can more easily be smoothened over and lead to sex. She probably is like wtf, this guy is clueless and youve given her multiple times at this point to not take advantage of oppurtunities. I could see if she asked for favors such as lend me money or some shit, but AFTER your fuck up, she asked for favors putting you 2 in ISOLATION, and you chose not to. If SHE didnt cancel the date, you shouldve just gone and fixed it THERE.

You're right I was scared. I am scared of pussy and I need to get over it. This morning walking to work this girl locked eyes with me. She was standing and I was walking towards her and I'm thinking, Yeah, I'm gonna hold eye contact with this chick. Then as I got closer she didn't waiver, held her stare right at me, and fuck me I looked away! I was kicking myself as I walked away like a bitch. This is a part of me I need to get a handle on.

And yeah I coulda held my nerve with this girl in the office, but my head was all over the place. I know it's an excuse but I've been in a relationship for 10 years. But I was a pussy before that and I still am now, so I'm determined to get a grip.

The worst part is she knocked any bit of confidence out of me, and she knocks my confidence every day. She acts as if she's repulsed by me. She laughs at everything this other guy says even stuff that isn't/wasn't meant to be funny. She compliments him, takes every opportunity to get close to him. He's styling it out so I give him kudos for that. I just get on with my work talk/joke with everything else as if I don't even notice her shit towards me, but inside it makes me feel worthless and I have to work hard to feel good about myself and not let it effect me.

That's what I mean by I paid massively for it. Not losing the chick, which is bad enough. But dealing with the constant gestures/looks/comments from this girl that make me feel like a creepy/repulsive human being.

One more thing, about when she said she needed a ride with her apartment. This guy sits the other side of her so I thought at the time that although she was directing it at me she was hoping I would say something cocky so she could shoot me down and ask/hint at the other guy to help her. I didn't want to risk that.

I know guys, I'm in a bad way and just about rock bottom at the moment. But I tell you something, posting on here and the advice I've got has helped more than you can imagine. I know it seems obvious now but I was really struggling to work out why she went so ballistic and why she's hated me so strongly ever since.

Now I realise. I betrayed her confidence, ratted her out to the boss, acted like a pussy, never attempted to man up and own the situation and basically acted like an AFC the same as a million others she's probably met and despised.

Now I'm just owning my own space, pretending not to notice her repulsion towards me and getting on with my life. I'll do a field report at some point.

Dude just laugh to yourself over her stupid mindgames.

Check out this link you will get a lot from it.

https://illimitablemen.com/archives/und ... stitution/

Holy shit that explained a lot!

My logical brain tells me, how can this girl be so cruel when she's knows I just broke a relationship and in my weakest moment. We work side by side, you'd think there'd be an element of sympathy or allowance there. A psychopath has no ability to empathise with pain. Hence the title of this thread.

She has been emotionally bullying, and I'm so glad I've acted like I didn't notice rather than rise to it. I'm gaining strength all the time. I ignored it because I didn't understand it. But now I'm starting to see the light.

Here are some things I picked up from that link:

-Women tend to be more emotionally aggressive than men.
-A man who confides his weaknesses to a woman all but signs his own death sentence.
-Feminine disgust for male weakness is a function of hypergamy.
-Women have little sympathy for weak men.
-If there is anyone who will support a man through his darkest moments, it will in all likelihood be another man.
-Women feel revulsion when observing male weakness and exploited when a man depends on them.
-Neither women nor society care about male weakness.
-If you are weak, depressed, small, poor, uneducated, unconfident, or anything else that prevents you from being powerful, nobody will care about whether you live or die.

LOL I could go on and on. Great article.