Hey, just joined here so I'll try and keep it short. I've been in a relationship for 10 years which recently ended. My co-worker (a hot AF Italian) started showing signs of interest, but also saying she was depressed. I asked if she wanted to go out, she hesitated but said yes. My boss is a good buddy and while having a drink I mentioned she said she was depressed and he said we'll have coffee with her the next day.

Well, I mentioned coffee and she got uptight and said "why?". Long story short, we had coffee, she denied saying she was depressed, had the biggest attitude with me (not my buddy or anyone else in the office) and seems to have hated me ever since. Now she's flirting massively with the guy sitting next to us (who she showed no interest in before).

I text and asked what I did wrong and she didn't reply. I blew up her phone (beta mistake I know) asking her what I did. The next day she replied saying "I think you're confused at this moment in your life". Too damn right I'm confused! But.. I played it cool and said I'm not confused, just a bit sensitive due to my recent break up, and even if we can't be friends lets at least be civil. But since then she's still been cold, rude and generally obnoxious to me.

So... I'm not sure how you guys can help. You can say to forget it, but I'm wondering if she thought I'd invited her on a sympathy date and not because I liked her. She's a bit odd like that and it wouldn't surprise me. And if that's the case I'd like to tell her she's got it wrong. But then I'm just lowering myself even further because if she was interested she wouldn't treat me like shit eh?

I'm thinking of asking her for coffee and laying it on the line, but again I'll look a complete needy twat if she's not interested.

Any tips guys? It's driving me mental!

Thanks!

You've already lost attraction, don't throw good money after bad.

She has zero interest in you.


Worst mistake you can make. You are acting like you are in a relationship with her. I don't even text my gf "what did I do wrong?". It is a weak, emotional beta text. Texting is for arranging meets and keeping things light and hot.



I hate to break it to you, man. But you're the psycho right now.

Everything you have done with her is extreme beta behavior. You behaved in an emotionally uncentered, neurotic way, the way 95% of men do. Repeated, unwanted contact, explaining yourself, emotional texting. All of this is insane behavior for someone you have not even kissed.


You already look crazy, and heavily invested in her, and emotionally uncentered. Cease all contact with this woman. Write these on a sticky note and slap it onto your phone:

"Always text women as if you have three other women in your bed."

"Am I too emotional to communicate with women right now?"

If you don;t learn to control your emotions, you will keep making this mistake with women.

So many men call women "crazy" because women get crazy and mean towards weak, emotionally uncentered men.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Wait, so it was you, her... and your boss, that all had coffee?

I agree: Women are attracted to and fuck guys they perceive as having higher value than them. Texting "What did I do wrong?" implies her "value" is way above yours. Attraction killer par excellance...

Yeah, it's incredibly weak, and women will run from that.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Why do guys that are shitty with women drink so much coffee? I think there is a connection. If coffee even enters your train of thought during attraction ........you have fucked yourself. These guys take for granted that calluses don't form on their dicks.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Yeah you're right. In my defense, I showed complete disinterest after she went skitz over coffee with my boss. Even though she was acting completely obnoxious towards me. Wrinkling her nose when she picked up my coffee cup, as if I'm disgusting. Pulling her shirt down to cover her arse as she walks passed me (which is impossible as her shirt could never cover her arse, but making a show of trying anyway).

I ignored all of this, but then we went to a Christmas party, and again she was glaring at me, then draped all over another guy at the office, flirting with him and looking at me. The next morning I felt terrible about myself. Remember I just got out of a long relationship. So I broke and texted her. I didn't asked what I did wrong, I asked why her attitude had changed so dramatically towards me.

By the way to elaborate on the coffee with my boss thing. He's one of these guys that hates to see anyone in the office is down, so he makes a point of taking them for coffee. I told him she was depressed and he said, ok lets take her for coffee. I knew it was a bad idea but went with it anyway. Just didn't expect her to go bat shit over it.

Since then anyway I've shown disinterest and high value. The way she acts towards me makes me think I must have hurt her, because if she didn't care why would she give af?

She's said things since, which I've ignored. She asked where she could get some pictures for her apartment, and that she needs help from someone as she hasn't got a car (she knows I have a car). I pointed out there's a shop about a 15 minute walk away. She said: 'but I can't on my own' and glared at me. I said, nah you'll be all right it's not far.

Now she's upped her flirting level with this other guy and I'm on the verge of breaking again.

But forget her right? I have been beta because my heads been in turmoil and the day I officially end my relationship and moved into an empty flat, was the day she started telling me her life's sad etc.. I should have took that as a hint to take her out and show her a good time. But I projected my turmoil on to her and took her to be seriously depressed, hence why I mentioned it to my boss.

Ahhhhhh!! FML! LOL

BTW You guys rock on here with your advice, much appreciated.

The coffee was a work thing instigated by my boss. I offered to take her to the Seven Sisters, which is a landmark I know she wanted to see, and I know there's a good pub there. Which she said yes to.

But later that night my boss asked how the team are doing, I said all ok except this girl that is coming across as depressed, which is the last thing I need at the moment after walking out on my relationship. He said, okay let's take her for coffee tomorrow and cheer her up!

It backfired big time.

I would say "Ill give you a ride, but it'll cost you......"

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

It's the same thing. An emotional, needy beta text.

Makes no sense unless your boss is a trained therapist.


Yep. always keep things light and fun.

Go out and bang 6's and work your way up. Keep em' coming in that empty loft, until you find a girl that is younger, hotter, and better in bed, then control your emotions so you can keep her around.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

haha, yeah. You demonstrate higher value to women by NOT CARING about outcome, and being honest. You want her on her knees, so use shocking honesty.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Yeah, good advice thanks. The thing that sucks is I had a conversation with her before about how her last boyfriend dumped her. She was so fucked up she moved to england, even though she couldn't speak the language. That was 2 years ago and I can tell she's still majorly affected by it.

So to switched on me like that, the same week my relationship ended and life effectively got turned upside down, comes across to me as pretty callous.

We spend all day sitting next to each other at work, and I have to train her on everything she does. She's like my understudy/prodigy. So this has been majorly awkward to say the least.

And it crushes me inside because she is fucking HOT.

There is an inkling inside me that makes me think that she feels I only offered to take her out because I felt sorry for her, and this deeply offended her.

But, yep. You're right, there's no point trying to over analyze. If she's interested she'll find a way to show me right? Then I'll have to be cocky/funny and show that my life's back on track.

Man, this helped just to get this out there. I've had it bottled inside as there's no one I can talk to.

This is why her attitude changed towards you. And no fucking wonder man. She probably didn't appreciate that you'd told the boss about her personal shit. She also probably didn't want to go for coffee but went because she felt under obligation to.

I know, my gut told me it was a bad idea, but I got talked into it. I didn't expect her to go that over the top anyway.

It was a big, big mistake.