I'm a middle aged gentleman who's romantic life has sputtered to a halt. I married my first love at a young age & after 12 years, we called it quits. I've had several girlfriends after that ranging from casual to one that was as head over heels intense as my first was. That didn't workout either. My last relationship was with a very messed up woman I was basically using for sex. That ended in disaster too. That was two years ago. Since then, nothing. I'm really into bodybuilding & carry a lot of muscle mass & as you can imagine, I'm quite hyper-masculine in appearance & vibe. I'm very aware of how intimidating my physical presence can be & I don't think that's helping me much. I tend towards introversion & don't do chatty small talk. In fact, I'm not that great with talking to people in general. I can't help but to think if I were more gregarious & not so stiff my love life would take off again. I remember the PUA "Mystery" from his VH1 reality show some years back. I read Neil Strauss book "The Game" as well, so I do know something about false time restraints, Sarging, negs, push pull, building comfort, seduction & so on. Seems like all that's for men in their twenties who have the inclination & time to go out every night & work on game. At my age & temperament, that's not happening. So how does a 48 year old, introverted bodybuilder not all that comfortable in social situations apply any of that PUA game to his advantage? Honestly, I've no clue. Perhaps someone on this site does.

You sound like you have Alpha male features but need to work on your social skills which is not out of the ordinary.
I do have a few questions. I am 41 by the way and I sarge when times are down. I might be getting into a new relationship with a bartender I just met.

What is stopping you from going out and sarging?
Do you compete as a bodybuilder? And if so...why are you not picking up on chicks at competitions or at the gym?
There are other places "to game" than just the bars and nightclubs.
Also what is your type? You know...what kind of women are you into? Is there an age? Please describe what you are looking for.

I have pulled girls out of the gym before. A few never went past the first date. One turned into a brief fling before she moved out of state & another turned into a committed, five year long relationship. What they all had in common was I was a part time personal trainer at the time so I was around the gym a lot. I think that helped the girls feel safe by associating me with the place. (I was a lot younger too. That obviously helped.) I'm not a trainer anymore & the gym I go to now is heavy on the young Latino males & not too many women. I've looked across the weight room floor before & thought "Jesus, it's a regular Latin sausage fest in here." There are some gorgeous Latin women in the mix but the Latin girls make me nervous. They're notorious for being rude to men who try to run game on them & I can go from embarrassed to infuriated in a heartbeat when that happens. I really don't want the sacred space of the gym messed up by that kind of energy. So far as bars & clubs go, I wasn't too crazy about them when I was young & now it's just a no go. IMO I'm just too old to be doing the "club thing." It doesn't help that the most emotionally damaged women I've ever been with I met a bar. Makes sense when you think about it.
So far as what I'm attracted to, that's kind of hard to narrow down. What is true is the women I've been in committed relationships with have been similar to myself in the respect of being more introverted, not big on small talk, would rather go to a film & sit quietly on the beach with me rather than go to a noisy club & get loud & hammered. My x wife was a bookish, intellectual type who's social circle you could count on one hand. I seem to have followed that pattern ever since.

Hey man;

I would try to tone down the masculinity. As you noted, it sometimes works against you. It's good to be in shape, but being swollen is no where near as important as your social game or social status when it comes to women. Physical attraction plays some role in attracting women, but not nearly as much as being a fun sociable guy. This would also help you're loneliness issue. It's ok to be introverted. I am and many on here are, as that what eventually leads us to a site such as this one. But you need balance in your life. You can't sit alone forever as you have already noticed. When you are doing that you might as well die. Humans have always been social creatures. Going out and talking to guys and girls is a skill you build over time. You really need to develop that if you want to fix your common problem. Most guys are alone and don't have the girl they want in their life because they are too afraid or nervous around women and "don't do small talk."

Think about this; hot women are approached many times per day. How do you think you stand out to her? By your looks? Probably not. It's more likely how you react to her. If you're still nervous talking to women, you've got work to do. Your goal should be to get to a point where you can go anywhere and talk to anyone at any time without hesitation. That's something worth working toward and such a liberating feeling.

Unfortunately, these two things require time and experience. We can't fix it for you. Also, do not put limiting beliefs on yourself. You're never too old for something. No matter what you should never lose your temper. I had a woman in my car crying with me last night, screaming at me and calling me names and I didn't lose my temper!

Welcome to the forum:

Heres a few solid links to get you started:

pua-lounge/topic190620.html

closing-and-day/topic189168.html

approaching-and-opening/topic190187.html

Let me know if you have any questions.

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Thank you for your input. I appreciate it.

Thank you for the links. I will go over all of them.

Welcome to the forum.

Here are some resources to help you get started:

GUIDE FOR GUYS JUST STARTING OUT

general-questions/guide-for-guys-just-starting-out-and-dont-vt199768.html

GUIDE TO OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF YOUR FIRST APPROACH

approaching-and-opening/complete-and-ultimate-guide-overcoming-approach-anxiety-vt199834.html

If you need some personal help, I'm currently SPAM some free coaching. Details in my signature.

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