So I've been out of the game for quite a while now, but became interested n someone recently. Although I'm pretty sure nothing is going to come of it, so I'd like some tips for the future so I don't repeat the same mistakes with the next girl.

I texted out of the blue (after getting the number from my housemate) Wednesday morning asking if she would be out on Wednesday night. After a joke message then a serious one (I was away from the phone when she replied) we arranged to meet at 8 (in a group, which is what I was expecting anyway). About halfway through the meeting (involved me making the group laugh, we were teasing each other etc), the other two decide to leave, and she tries to convince one of them to stay so she could give the friend a lift home. I'm pretty certain that I saw her make a little head-shake (you know the one, when combined with wide eyes (which I don't think I saw) means 'Jesus no, don't leave me here').

Anyway, the others leave,and we're by ourselves for a bit. A few people come over and talk, etc., and when we're alone, I said 'You know, you could've left if you wanted to'. She asks what I mean, I recall the story, and then she gets a bit pissed (really pissed off, folds arms, avoids gaze etc.) off and says 'im kinda upset that youd think that i dont want to hang out with you'. She tries to reason that, give all the nasty joking shit we'd said to each other, do I really think that she'd try something like that?, said I was paranoid (Jesus Christ, that's a great thing to hear) etc. Anyway, I'm pretty sure (key words) that things were smoothed over, her body language relaxes, shes laughing at what I say etc., she gives me a ride to the next bar where I was going to meet some friends. Along the way we're talking, and she says something like 'well, now you have my number, you can call me up and we can arrange something' (actually said this twice during the night, once before and after I called her out about leaving)

I talked to 3 friends about it, and they all said 'invite her to something you're already going to'. Problem was, I thought I was going to be out of town for a few days on Friday, I thought Sunday might've been a bit too late, and they all thought yesterday (Thursday) might've been okay.

So I called up after work hrs., didn't get through, so I left a voicemail:

"Hey, it's me, call me back when you get this."

I waited a few hours, called back again, didn't get through, then she called up aobut 30 mins later, I invite her to a gig that was on that night, and obviously by then it was too late to get ready etc (she gets up early for work). We talked for about 30 mins or so, just about general crap. I restate the invite, saying something like 'it's an indie gig, I can loan you a Sonic Youth T and some skinny leg jeans', then we make jokes about skinny leg jeans for a bit (not sure if I came off as I own them or not, she dislikes them). Says thanks again for the invite, and would've been there if she didn't plan on a small night in (tired, blah blah blah). I revealed that I wouldn't be going away, if anything came up I'd invite her, or I'd see her next week. She said 'if it happens, it happens'.

While I was on the phone, the friend that originally invited me to the gig sends a text saying 'its actually on Friday night', so I think 'Score', send off a message saying 'my friend screwed up, its actually on tomorrow. offer still stands'.

Anyway, come lunch today, my friend informs me that the event is actually next Friday, so it was probably on last night after all. I called up a little while ago, left another message where I said "hey, its [me]. about tonight, my friend, being the organisational genius he is, screwed up again, it was actually on last night. so we're heading to the [bar] instead. you can come along if you like, or i might run into you later, whatever. bye."

I'm going to go out with my friend regardless, and I'm not expecting a reply. So basically, what could've been done on my part to make this whole thing a bit smoother (aside from obvious stuff like her being more into me etc.)

If you need more detail, I'll gladly give it, and apologies for the already long post. Any help you guys and your expertise can offer would be much appreciated!

Hrobot

Interesting. The good news is that she showed you that she was interested by giving you her number and calling you back. However, I think you conveyed neediness. See, it's called cat-string theory. If you put a sting in front of a cat and take it away and you go back and forth, the cat goes nuts. But if you just leave it there, it loses interest. That's probably what happened. You conveyed too much interest. You need to show that if she doesn't go out with you or call you back, you're fine with that because you have other girls you can hang out with. Maybe a couple of negs thrown in there and kino escalation and you could have had her. You can probably still get her. Solution? Just don't convey neediness. Remember that you the shit and it's a privilege for her to hang out with you, not the other way around

Aristotle

I understand that it was a really long post (this one will be, too, I've been thinking about it a lot), and obviously I left out a few details, and also that its fair enough to gloss over a few points in such a huge wall of text. This kind of thing can happen, and the advice that Aristotle gave is completely valid, and I will take heed of it. And also, at this point, I really don't care if I get a reply or not (I've already been out for a few hrs, came home and have heard nothing, so I'm basically going to forget about it at this stage, no point dragging it out), and I won't call back unless she does, so I'm really more about taking a lesson from it all.

I did mention that I got her number from my SPAM (they've been friends for a while now), so obviously she didnt give me her number herself (had no way of getting it, really). The stuff that made me think she was interested was the fact that she said 'you have my number... lets do something etc etc.' before and after I called her out (and lets bear in mind I had to track the number down from someone else). The call-back on Thursday night and resulting conversation also lead to this thought, too. In hindsight, I shouldn't've jumped at the opportunity to send the message on Thursday night (such a chump move), and nor did I exactly want to call up tonight, either, but by being a needy bitch, I felt like I had to let her know what was happening, just in case she felt like coming (which I can definitely recognise as a stupid move).

Don't get me wrong, my chump instincts want me to call day and night and say 'did you get my messages? Did you?!?!'', but I know better than that, now.

Just a quick summary (correct if I'm wrong,):

- I think I was right to call her out on wanting leaving with the friends like the way I described; she should've said something if that was the case.

- I shouldnt've left the voicemail today or made the texts Thursday, especially after meeting up Wednesday night. If she was that interested, she would've done it off her own back.

- If I don't want to convey neediness, the only way I can think to deal with it is by just not doing anything.

- Basically, forgetting about it is the best option at this point. I've called up twice, she's had her chances, that's the end of it.

Anyway, Aristotle, thanks for the advice. There's no way I can get in touch again without actually calling her up, so it looks like I'm going to just let it go at this stage. Either way, I'm not too cut up about it, I think I'll be ok, and just take the lessons along with me to the next girl

Again, apologies for the wall of text, but there's a fair bit to say, and in a limited space.

Bump, just want some confirmation on those last few points I brought up.

Also, a few things I wrote were unclear:
By 'called her out', I mean I called her out on the probable 'wanting to leave early/not wanting to be alone with me' thing. That whole thing reeks of blame shifting, to me. That, or I really was paranoid/insecure about the whole thing.

This whole thing is doing my head in, any game and instincts used to have appear to be totally gone now Help!