'We need to talk', 'I think I should be on my own', along with 'this illness thing isn't helping'.

These are the messages I've had in two 'dating' relationships that have ended by the other girl. I have no clue what I did wrong through the course of these relationships and although I'm not down in the dumps about the last one, I obviously miss her company and would like to sleep with her again, although I am seeing other girls at the minute, they don't seem to compare. Did I put them on a pedestal? Did she lost attraction? How do you guys figure this stuff out?

The facts of the breaking off/break up -

She says she wants to talk about her illness, I go over, the seems completely robotic, we had an argument over text and she's barely messaged me for days.

Her - "it's just so annoying that we can't have sex, it's not fair on you, don't you want somebody you can have sex with?" (She has Endometriosis and has times when she can't)

Me - "If you want to throw the towel in, just say, but I'm not just gonna throw the towel in because we can't fuck"

Her - No I don't want to end things, I guess it's just because all of this shit I've got going on.

I leave and make a stupid dick move, buying her an orchid/gift thing and leave it on the doorstep to cheer her up, purely because she's been feeling shitty. I think she saw this more of an apology for how we argued the day before. I ask her to come over and Ill cook, she agrees.

2 days later...

Her - "Hi Hope you're ok. I think we need to talk tonight as I'm still feeling the same as Sunday night. I don't feel like it's fair on you being how I am and I feel like I just want to be on my own. I'm not putting 100% into this and I'm just being off with you and it's not fair. Sorry to message but didn't want you thinking I'd come tonight being ok when I'm not"

Me - "Ok where do you want to talk?"

Her - "I don't mind.. my minds already made up so I don't know if there is much left to say"

I say to her that we shouldnt be doing stuff over text and should talk, she agrees for me to go over at 6pm that night. I change my mind and text her...

Me - "I feel like it wouldn't be great for either of us, for me to come over. I get that you aren't happy and although there's more to this than your health, I doubt I'd get it out of you by coming there, especially after Sunday. It's frustrating but I'd rather you be happy.

We exchanged 2 more texts, hers being the last and haven't spoke in about a just under a month. I have a load of DVD's at hers that I kinda want back but also could do without. The only thing I've seen from her is that she watches all my snapchat stories, still has me on all social media etc.

My intentions

- Figure out where I went wrong. This isn't the first time it's happened.
- Possibly get back to seeing her if possible, I'm aware that there's plenty more fish in the sea but as I'm seeing other girls at the same time, I don't see myself getting 'buried in too deep' with her.

What would be your next steps of contact? If you need some more information, just ask. Happy to give any details on how I was with her on a daily basis etc.

Don't worry about the DVDs because Blu-ray is better, so now's the perfect time to replace them. Speaking of replacing, now is the perfect time to replace her. When women give you a bullshit excuse for breaking up, it's just them not being into it anymore and they are looking for a way out that doesn't hurt your feelings because it's kind of shitty to break it off with someone who hasn't done anything wrong. If you are getting the same thing from multiple women, it's more than likely you being needy or clingy which doesn't allow a woman to have her space to breathe. Next time, pay attention to how much of your time is being invested into a woman because if you are always contacting her and there anytime she wants or never even needs to ask then you are probably going to eventually bore her.

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I'm curious what did you 2 argue abt? And what was the other stuff she had going on that she mentioned?

Thanks for the replies. I gave her lots of space, though.. maybe she just decided she wasn't into me. But why would it change from 2.5 month before?

The argument was about that I was meant to be seeing her the Saturday night and she called it off because she was 'in a foul mood' over a lot e-cigarette. I didn't reply to her text and we had planned to do something on Sunday, she went out with her mum instead. And I was annoyed because it was my only day off. She explained that she's just felt shit because of her condition. I bought the flower as a 'pick me up' not as an apology but I'm guessing she took it as me being weak etc.

There is an infatuation stage when two people are attracted to each other. During this stage, a woman can't get enough of you and treat you like the greatest guy in the world and the shit she may not necessarily appreciate is swept under the rug and ignored. It's also the highly sexualized period which guys start to believe that they are the greatest guy in the world and believe that they can't do know wrong and he will get comfortable that he has her wrapped around his finger. How long does this period last? 2-3 months, normally.

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I've been in a similar situation several times. The beginning of a relationship is always so new and exciting that both parties are usually up for easy compromise in any situation and the excitement overpowers any flaws you may have. Usually after a few months, true colors start to shine and slowly people will notice more things they don't like about each other while not necessarily creating harsh feelings of hatred. We don't know the whole story, but it really sounds like she was just looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship by opening the door for you, hoping you would leave her so she wouldn't seem like the bad guy. I don't believe this is a bad reflection on you because it just takes time for people to get to know each other and realize they just aren't compatible.

What is it about a girl that you can't sleep with that is so special that you're interested in being with her? Like what does she possess that a girl that you could actually sleep with women and intimately bond with doesn't? I think your willingness to enter that kind of situations speaks more to why the relationships have turned out they way they have than any surface mistake.

What are you standards if you have them? What are your boundaries? And what standard do you hold the women in your life to?

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Fucked up doing that PS I Love You bs leaving a gift on her doorstep.
When she said about seeing a girl you can have sex with, should have just said.

'Its not all about sex but its clearly something you're worrying over. Lets have some space and see other people until your head is clear'. Then go off and see someone else. Go no contact for a couple weeks.

You will hear these words when a woman begins to associate you consistently with negative feelings. So she backs away to protect herself, whether it's "let's take a break" or "I want to break up with you". The negative emotions for her have outweighed the good.

Usually it's the guy's fault for being a Debbie Downer or being an emotionally-uncentered bitch. Women are much better at living in the moment in a positive way. Men get caught up on tangents. And if they are negative and you repeat them enough, girls will bolt.



Never argue over text. You: "I feel we're misconstruing what we're trying to communicate. I'll be over in a few".

This is such a stupid conversation. And your "throw in the towel" line is a self-defeating prophecy. Why in the fuck would you bring this up if you still want to be with her? Sooooo dramatic. Your job is to diffuse a woman's drama with charm.

Your response to her "It's so annoying we can't have sex" line: "Oh, I still get sex, but the hookers aren't cheap".

Why so serious? Why so gloomy?

The "leave it on the doorstep" thing freaks women out unless she's claimed she wants to be exclusive with you, and it's been months. It makes you look like you're afraid of her, or you're a stalker, lol.
Those are the words of a woman who is tired of being around a Debbie Downer... a guy who constantly brings up relationship-meta, who constantly has "talks", who spills his emotions often. This is the behavior of an emotionally-uncentered man, and it's woman repellent, rather than a guy who does fun things with her or who sends her shocking, fun things over text and who gives her a string of orgasms.

Always be aware of the argument/fun ratio.

Always.

It should be about 10/90.



Meaningless.

My gf got a text from one of her ex's yesterday. It was fucking hilarious (she tells me everything, even sends me the texts without asking for our own amusement). They haven't been together since last December, and this is the 5th or 6th time he's hit her up in various ways (he comes into her work and asks her to do things). He's the classic beta male.

He apologized for "taking her for granted", then said several times how "wonderful" she is, and to "have a great thanksgiving!".

My gf's response:

"I tried to give you a hint at work the other day when I brought up my boyfriend. Now, the time for hints and politeness is over. Your message was awkward. It was uncalled for, and I'm not interested in being friends or anything else. Goodbye".


The guy? Still on her FB and Snap.

That's where all the orbiters go....all bunched up in "Sucker's Row". This is how 9's and 10's respond to weak men. It's brutal, dude. No mercy. Women want a man, not a groveling apologizer who always wants talks.



You became Debbie Downer, not the fun guy.

Fuck other women, and show up at a mutual stomping ground with one. You have to show you are no longer the emotionally-uncentered Debbie Downer.

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Sorry for the inactivity and thanks for all the crit/help. I agree that maybe it's because to me she's like a 9/10, that I want to be back in a thing with her, that's something I need to forget about and have a bit more confidence in myself. I guess towards the end I was a bit of a debbie downer, and I had a guilt because i felt like I was being a dick and she was just feeling shit about herself as well as not wanting to be with me.

It'e hard to find a common stomping ground as I don't think she goes out much in town now.. nothing on social media. But I'm going out/meeting/texting girls nonetheless, just none of them seem like they compare and not sure how to get past this shit.

Thanks for the feedback brothers!

It's a number's game, friend. Keep plugging away. Eventually you'll find someone younger, hotter, and better in bed and your thoughts of her will go buh-bye.

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