Hi Everyone,

I realised that complements from older people are often in return for letting them act as if their wiser than you.

I once had an older lady in a bar tell me "you know, you'll go really far in life". Now when I was younger I would have let this make me feel good, and thus motivate me. I think young people with ambition are often open to manipulation in this way. So just because I've ambition doesn't mean that I'll let my guard down as an exception. Now I'm not saying that anyone who pays a complement is trying to manipulate you, but this has become a pet hate of mine. So in this case, I said to her "Really, and what makes you the expert?" I guess I was hoping this would take the wind out of sales but no; she carried on and out witted me I guess. After all, if a stranger is smart enough to somehow sense that I haven't gone far in life! then they shouldn't be telling me that I will!

I simply can't take complements like this at face value. I've questioned, do I seem weak that they presume I need encouragement? My motto is, if they've the power to make you feel good, then they've the power to make you feel bad. Whether they'd want to make you feel bad or not is beside the point, but shouldn't one be aware if someone has such power over them. In this case I did feel good as I thought her complement was accurate. But if a person truly knows themselves, then complements shouldn't make you feel a whole pile better.

Oh I remember. I've had strangers on buses wear my ears out, all while thinking "if I give a moment here I might learn something" all to realise you don't learn anything, and that you've just given a moment in the present away! On hindsight, I realise that I actually only listened because I didn't know how to politely tell him to shut up. I remember an older man did this once, and when he got off at his stop he said "sorry about that, you should have stopped me if you were working on your powerpoint presentation"!! I do wonder a bit how come this does happen to certain kinds of people.

It's no big deal I suppose. I just wouldn't want to be sitting somewhere having untrue complements being dished out at me, and having to smile obligingly over and over like a bitch, while some stranger gets to act like mrs. nice guy. Onlookers actually buy into that crap!

Thoughts?

Any particular reason you're so angry at the world?

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Dude...what the hell is wrong with you? Old people talk, it's just a reality. Are you really concerned that prole walking by will think you are a punk bitch for listening to some septegenerian ramble for two minutes? How the hell are you so smart you can tell what everyone is thinking? It takes either a massive ego or tremendous insecurity...or both I guess...to assume a stranger has that kind of sinister motive FOR A FUCKING COMPLEMENT!

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Once again, I'm not saying that anyone who pays a complement is trying to manipulate you, but there's often a subtle power exchange in interactions. I'm not saying the power is abused.

I Know what you mean. I've always been told to respect my elders so I have a tendency to stand there and listen as long as an older (60+) person is talking to me just because it is ingrained in my brain that they have something to offer me. However, at the end of the conversation, I always feel like I didn't learn anything, but providing them with entertainment for a few minutes. However, some are very blunt and come off as insulting. I was shooting pool one time and this guy came up and offered me a spot of his team because they needed more Level one players. Although I believe his intentions were good offering me a spot on the team, I was more insulted that he basically told me I wasn't any good at shooting pool after just watching for a few minutes.
At the very least, I can chalk it up to practicing my conversation skills.