Folks,

An interesting situation here that I would like some advice on:

Overall Context
I have been going out quite aggressively the last few months and I'm at a comfortable point in terms of my rate of F-closing attractive women. I'm hitting decent rates of numbers, turning those into dates, kino escalating and making out, and then taking them home. I would say from number to making out during the first date I'm over 80% and I have sex with 75% of those in dates 1-3. I had taken the past 7 months to sarge because I moved to a new city (NYC) and wanted to be back in the game after several years in long relationships. However, I think I have gotten some of the sarging out of my system and I'm getting ready to get a more steady girlfriend again.

This specific instance
Went out with a younger girl (she is 24, I'm 30) this past week. We absolutely hit it off on the first date, she was very enamored and we were making out wildly but did not have sex that night. Beyond the physical level, we had a very long conversation about a number of topics, many things in common, and after I sent her home she said "she couldn't believe how happy she was". I have been working on a couple of other prospects on the side but I certainly saw her as one of the few that was potentially more than just an F-close.

She couldn't wait to see me so we met for drinks 2 days after [2 days ago] and I took her to my place. We were making out and she said "I need to set some rules, we are not going all the way tonight". I nodded ("LMR, I told myself"), we kept making out, she got increasingly turned on, and 15 minutes later we were having sex in my bed ("LMR annihilated"). Sex was great but I think she felt shitty afterwards about how easy it was for me to get her into my bed despite her "rule-setting" and, despite otherwise good vibes, I could tell something was off.

She did not text me yesterday (weird given how often she was texting me before) and today I texted her about something funny that happened (she replied right away) and asked her to meet again later today. She apologized and said she couldn't make it. Through this all, her lovey-dovey messages became much drier and to the point.

I asked her point-blank what was going on since I don't have time for games and she said that she felt that things moved faster than she hoped/expected: "it was really fun but too much too fast so I'm feeling overwhelmed"

From my perspective this is dead which is a shame but not a major deal since there's plenty more where that I came from. However, the "too much, too fast" seems to tell me that I may have over-corrected from my old days of being much more reticent to push the envelope and escalate quickly. These days, I always worry when I'm building too much comfort prior to having sex that that is the toll-free highway to LJBF. However, I could see how I could burn other potential LTR prospects by pulling the trigger too fast.

Any thoughts? How do you guys think about this balance? What kind of sequencing have you found helpful when considering a woman for more than fucking?

Thanks and sorry for the long post.

What exactly do you want when you say you want to be 'more' than fucking?

Potentially a LTR.

I'm obviously not going to make that call after a few dates but for some girls that I connect with at a deeper level, I don't want my laser-focus on sleeping with them kill that possibility. In reality, and thanks in large part to some of the tips in this forum, I feel that I'm at the point where getting laid is not too hard but finding women that interest me enough for anything more serious is a lot more challenging so I want to be smarter about not burning through those as quickly.

Her reaction is normal to a woman that has fast sex with a guy that she is attracted to on an emotional level and feels that a mental connection is made. IMO, this comes from her guard being up because of the fear that she's been played and your real intention was to just use her for sex. No girl that is emotionally attracted to a guy wants to feel that she's being used for sex. It is likely that she's trying to take a step back from the situation and lose the attachment. Once she does that, she'll be gone for good.

If you want this girl to not run and hide, you have to connect to what she was originally attracted to and then explain that you have no regrets because you guys were into the moment together and not act like a guy that doesn't have time for games because she won't be able to see her actions as game playing. It will just reinforce the doubts that she currently has.

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That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for that advice.

Since I asked her point-blank today and got that response I said that "I agree that things moved quite fast" but that I'm intrigued by a lot of things between us and wanted to see her again and proposed in ~3 weeks (she goes on travel in a few days and then i go on travel after). I did this with pretty little hope of anything happening and primarily to see if a reset would be helpful. My guess was that in 3 weeks I may not even bother reaching out.

However, now that I read your thoughtful comment I'm realizing that was the wrong approach. I'm thinking of texting her again with something along these lines:

"I have been thinking about your message some more. I get that we moved fast. We were both in the moment together and I don't regret that. However, I feel something deeper and more meaningful than just our physical connection and I don't want to throw that out of the window."

I would then will ask her to meet for coffee or something that's not "gamey" before she goes on travel to chat.

What do you think? If I was reading this in any other situation I would think "AFC as fuck" but I'm inclined to believe that may be the right call here.

Also, my inclination would be to send that message today but let me know if you have thoughts on waiting longer.

Thanks so much, man.

You also don't want to seem like you've been thinking of how to respond to what she said. A perfect and well thought out rebuttal is something that she can use as an argument. I'd leave it with just this:Then I'd follow up on when she gets back that you guys should meet up for coffee(I'd actually push for before she left). I also would do it sooner than later because she is trying to bury her feelings and that will work against you.

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If you're trying for something longer term...completely disrespecting her wishes to not have sex that night didn't fly so well with her. In her mind, you were just another guy looking for some ass. Or she felt dirty for giving in.

And no, I'm not White Knighting here. Just an opinion.

He didn't disrespect her wishes. If she didn't want to have sex then they wouldn't have had sex. You may not be White Knighting, but this is a very white knight line of thinking.

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OMG!!!!!!!! Hit the panic button, the girl might have her own life! This early, you should NOT be texting the girl every day.

Way too needy.

I have a "girl texts me first" policy after F-close. It's really simple, and conveys these things about you:

1. Sex is not a big deal to you.
2. You have a life.
3. You have options.

This is in stark contrast to the guys she goes on dates with or fools around with who are at her heels daily like horny puppies who never get laid.



Translation: "I need to know RIGHT NOW where I stand with her because I'm insecure. I don't play games, man!"

This is needy and emotionally un-centered. You don't even know this girl, you banged once, and already you're demanding "talks" and "answers". Assume the silence means she's pondering things. Instead, you came off as Mr. Angry McSmother.

Attractive women will purposely not text (like I do to them) to see how a man reacts. This is a great tool to weed out the creepers/stalkers/clingers. You did not pass her test.

In addition, if you make a woman orgasm a couple times, she's going to hit you up for sex again as soon as her schedule permits.

Do nothing.

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Lol Arch why do you always assume these are above average women? Not coming at you...I just always assume they're regular chicks

lol, I just hope people aren't wasting their time on lower quality women. I guess it's the last sliver of humanistic optimism showing in me.

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Yeah, I have a different view when it comes to women that actually like you as a person. No matter how attractive she is, she's going to feel nervous if she likes you as a person and you fuck her before she expects it to happen.

There was this really hot porn star that said she met a guy while out one night and they really hit it off. She took him home and had sex. Once they finished, he asked for her autograph and left. She was pissed because she thought she met a guy that was into her and he really just wanted to have sex with the porn star. Even porn stars aren't immune to the effects of an emotional seduction.

If you approach a girl and it's just a sexual connection made, you'll get the girls that will go about their business and not be too concerned about you after but will call you first when they're horny. That emotionally connected girl is debating making you breakfast and hopes that you let her spend the day with you and spend the night again.

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