I'm 50. Tall, slim, smart, attractive. I'm almost always guessed to be in my mid-30's, due both to looks, and personality. I'm very energetic, with a very broad set of interests.

She's 26 (her ex was older too, not sure by how much), very intelligent, Master's degree, ambitious, hot (i.e.--not some dumb, low-esteem, average-attractive girl).

Was at a friend's house party (she's really good friends with them), she came up to me to introduce herself. We talked off & on for a long time that night, she was obviously interested. At some point she asked me how old I was, I did not tell her.

I don't want a 1 night stand, I want a more "real" relationship than that.

But I wasn't going to bother pursuing. I figured as soon as she knew the age gap, that'd be the end of it. But I did friend her on Facebook, and did message her that it was good to meet her, and that I'm probably older than she'd guess.

She replied I was really great to talk to, that her ex was "plenty older", and asked my age again.

Advice?

I'm thinking I'd like to still not tell her my age, go out on 1 date, and once she knows me better for who I am, then she can know my age.

But what to say/do next? I think she's too smart for head games, which isn't my thing anyway. Like I'm not going to try to make her feel immature (a common advice I've read). Referencing her maturity, ok, but trying to actually make her FEEL immature is too game-y.

Tell her how old you are. If you being 50 is a deal breaker for her then you can let her walk.

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What Jack said.

I understand your mentality, but going down that road will only lead to frustration. Your age is not something you can change, and if you don't make a big deal out of it you increase the chances of her not doing so either.

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You should actually use this kind of confidence with this girl. But you didn't.


Jesus christ.

Just tell her you're 40 or something. Women don't care if you lie about stupid shit early on. At all. Or tell her your real age. Either way it doesn't matter, because she came up to you and hit on you. She likes what she sees.

This is an extremely wussy way of looking at things. What if she is terrible in bed? What if she is lazy? What if she is extremely annoying?

You DO want to bang her for a night. And then you figure out from there if you want to see her more. And if you see her more and there's chemistry, then a relationship organically happens.

You're coming at her from a place of neediness, which I'm guessing comes from not having an abundance mentality.
Dude, she came up to you and hit on you. She wants to fuck and does not care about your age.


Ugh. You had a chance to escalate on a girl who came up and hit on you at a party, and you come out of it with a fucking FB friend request?

God damn. Just god damn.

And why even bring up the age thing?


Yeah, grow a pair and ask her out for a drink.

Make the age thing a fun guessing game. I do this with girls over text. They think I'm 29 -34, but I'm 40. Example:

Her: So Arch, you're cute. 30, right?

Me: Ha. Guess.

Her: 32

Me (an hour later): higher

Her (a minute later): 34

Me: (six hours later): higher.

Her(ten minutes later): 36

Me(the next day): higher.

Make it fun. Build tension.

I'm guessing your texts/IM's look like this:

Her: Hey Kev, you're cute and I had fun the other night. How old are you, btw?

You: Well Sarah, haha, I am older for sure. And I had a lot of fun talking with you to! And good to hear that your ex was older, too. I'm glad we're friends on Facebook now. See you around!

A dominant male leads by being playful and teasing. He does not put women on a pedestal, or text/talk to them as if they are a queen and he a mere peasant. This is how you are acting. she is leading you with the age thing, and you are flustered.

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The more insecure you are about telling her the more insecure she's going to be about her reaction to what you reveal. Right now you're trying to prep her to hear something strange; so she has no choice but to mildly see whatever it is you tell her as strange, because thats what you're prepping her for by all of this childish "hinting" and avoiding the question.

Now i would say that in person is the best way to let her know. But it sounds like the girl already likes you and is trying to assure you that it's "okay"... You're the one being insecure.. She's cool with it.

Don't go blurting it out now, but the next time she asks you, just tell her. Whats the point in trying to sucker her in before being yourself? Thats not pimp at all.. Be yourself, embrace you, and others will too.

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I wouldn't be comfortable lying about it. Lying is no start for any potential future (though obviously either I or she may end up not wanting one).
Just making it clear, in case it affected any advice, that my interest in her wasn't STRICTLY sexual, and that I'm not looking ONLY for casual sex (though I'm ok with it). Obviously if I find I don't like her personality, the sex, etc, then I won't want any relationship with her.
Then she wouldn't have asked. And she's very Catholic...I've already wondered what that might mean about sex (or, hah, no pre-marital sex!).
Because she already had. And I was curious to see her reaction. Perhaps I should have ignored that she had brought it up.

Anyway, yes, I am going to ask her out...just deciding what I want to do with her latest "question".

Yes, I want to be telling her in-person, not via messages. So just deciding how I want to respond to her latest "question" (or ignore the question).

Many good points, thanks.

...yet you're okay hiding it when she asks?

And the fact that you're already seeing this girl as long term relationship is incredibly needy. You haven't even figured out if you like how she kisses,

You are putting her on a pedestal and you haven't even kissed her.this is weird behavior. I bet she feels it too.

You've never even kissed her. Why is a relationship in your thoughts?
It doesn't meany anything if she's catholic.


Just ignore it until she brings it up again.

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"Not answering" is not lying.
Not at all. Unless you already know you don't ever want a LTR with a particular person (or perhaps anyone), then starting off any connection with a lie seems like a bad idea to me. Because if you later decide you want a LTR...you've already started it with a lie. Bad idea IMO.
Because I think she might be a candidate to be more than strictly a sexual outlet, that = "pedestal"? That's weird thinking.
So the ONLY thing in your head when you start connecting with any woman is "do I want to fuck her/how soon can I fuck her"? Because when I meet a woman that seems to meet some pretty high standards I set...attractive enough, intelligent enough, playful enough, mature enough...besides thinking about fucking her, I'm also thinking "I wonder if she might be a potential long-term match". There's plenty I'll fuck. But few that meet my standards for LTR. And I'm not going to do things to get a quick fuck that may burn bridges or screw things up if I later want to be together long-term.
I've dated (& dropped quickly) some pretty conservative strongly-avowed Catholics (& she's from TX ), because for some of them, it means a lot.

Man you are lost.

Feel free to ask for advice, then ego-reject all of it. It's such a valuable use of everyone's time.

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All of this when you should have just said your age in person.

Also, lying or not, you're being DECEITFUL. Either way, whether you lie or dodge, you're giving her an inaccurate view to get a date. You can lie, and say you're 40 and give her an inaccurate view to get a date, or you can dodge, make her think "well he's prob 40" and get a date. If you're gonna be deceitful, just lie. My advice, you shouldve just been honest at the party.

I'm not rejecting it all. I'm taking advice that some have offered, which is to ignore the current question she messaged me, make some reference to maturity, and be a bit challenging, and just tell her in-person.

Everyone's offering differing thoughts. It can't *all* be correct, since it isn't all in agreement. So I'll *have* to reject some of it. And so I do. The parts I think are not correct. It's even possible none of the advice is correct (though I don't think that).

This is a bitch move. You are afraid that your age will disqualify you. You have been afraid from the start and you're hoping to get her to say yes to a date before you tell her. If you can get her to like you first then maybe she won't think how old you are won't matter. You really should be thinking that your experience in life should make you superior to the guys her own age and she better have her shit together if she wants a chance with you. Girls that like older guys usually do because the guys are someone to live up to (or they have daddy issues). Quit being a coward.

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Cowardice has nothing to do with it. It's following the advice that I think will have the best percentage to work.

Sure, I know I'm awesome, and the age gap *shouldn't* be a thing for her. But I'm aware enough to realize that for most women, of any age, "too much" of a gap in either direction IS a negative. Most people do have some negatives...looks, financial situation, education-level, personal development, fashion sense, whatever. Most people don't want to lead with potential negatives. Because the more someone gets to know the positives, the less they mind any negatives. While she's obviously interested in "somewhat older", it was my original guess (perhaps wrong) that I was probably beyond her normal zone of comfort.

She's asked you your age twice. You're not answering because you are afraid that she'll see it as a negative. That's cowardly.

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