Yep, you got it from the title.
Been with her for almost a year now. One of the best girls Ive ever had in terms of both looks and personality. Shes very loving, caring, and hasnt done me wrong once.
And she is without doubt the one that invests more in our relationship. However. She recently got a new job at the bank. Her prior job was as an accountant in a small company. That was also her first job. But, being a small company she was more or less a jack of all trades. And master of none. Or at least thats what she thinks.

Anyway, this job has faaar better hours and pay, but in the about two months shes been working there she has come to absolutely despise her boss.
Long story short, shes breaking her back trying to get things done and absorb as much knowledge as humanly possible, and at the end of the day her boss complains that she is doing nothing. He rushes her in front of clients, has an ignorant attitude, and overall creates an unfriendly environment.


Knowing her Im convinced shes doing above average. And her boss probably is a jackass. Besides that, her biggest problem always has been standing up for herself. She just doesnt know how to handle people giving her shit.
She even had a test, which is protocol. Except the protocol is you take the test after 4 weeks of starting the job. For some reason, they forced her to take it after only 2 weeks. And she aced it. So theres that.

Needless to say shes calling me every day for the past two months complaining and complaining and FUCKING COMPLAINING and its driving me fucking insane.
At first I joked around with her, saying shes a drama queen, that itll get better, etc.
Then time went by I started to think that maybe the guy actually is an ass. So I started suggesting possible solutions. You know, ignore the comments, mind her own business, etc.
Quitting so soon is probably a bad idea since having at least 6 months experience will increase her chances of getting a position at another bank exponentially.

Now I get it. Working in a toxic environment is noones picket white fence. I am also aware that when women complain in such manner, they are not looking for solutions but rather someone to listen.
And thats cool when it happens once every few weeks or so. But this shit has been going on for two fucking months.

What am I supposed to do? Be supportive, let her vent, listen, and try my best to not involve myself emotionally and not get drained by this whole shit?
Because if this was a friend, Id probably kick his ass straight back into reality. Tell him he is acting like a fucking idiot, man up and stand up for himself.
I also have a pet peeve with people that moan and moan and moan without seemingly having any intention of fixing their problem. And that does not help the situation at all.

I am currently feeling like telling her straight up that I am her boyfriend, not her fucking emotional tampon and that if she needs help finding a SOLUTION to her problems, we can happily do that. If not, she can bitch to her girlfriends. Sympathy is their endgame.
Granted that may only be momentary frustration.

Fucking hell. I'm not bothered by the occasional venting. But this is next level shit.

Please speak some wisdom to me.

Why are you afraid of talking to her about it?

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I am not afraid.
I am simply at a loss. I dont know how to conduct myself.

Like I said it is becoming highly frustrating, as she seems to be only complaining and nothing productive is coming off of it. Shes not looking for a solution. She is not asking for an opinion. She simply calls to discharge, gets back to work tomorrow, same shit happens, calls to discharge, rinse and repeat.

So JackZero, Im not afraid to talk to her. I simply do not know what the fuck to say.
Every time I attempt to shift the conversation to a possible course of action to fix the problem, she just keeps going on and on how the guy said this and did that and she didnt even have time to each lunch and and and. Because you know, fuck fixing the problem, lets just bitch about it.
I have specifically asked her what she is going to do about it. She gave no palpable answer.
I have come with suggestions. Its like she doesnt even listen.

So obviously what I have been doing so far is not working.

I feel that if I keep listening to her, I am enabling her. I think I should tell her to stop fucking talking about it, with me at least, until she wants to actually solve the issue.

I think I have done my part in trying to aid. My question is simply if I am in the right to tell her to cut it out already, or am I being impatient or selfish.

I want you to pay attention to what the problem is. It's not that she has a bad job or a horrible boss. You don't like that she is complaining to you about it without looking for a solution. Why are you avoiding that discussion?You have a feeling that you are not sure that you should or shouldn't express because you are afraid of your girlfriend thinking that you are being impatient or selfish about it.

To keep listening to her just to keep her happy isn't what you want. The only way to stop it is to be honest.

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She should quit, imo. Toxic work environments are never worth it.

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She probably should...but that can't come from him. If she can't get another job, she may end up blaming that shit on him.

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That's just a natural side effect of having the same girlfriend for more than one year. (I'm assuming you're monogamous with her).

Im not sure how that makes any sense. I know most guys tend to do 180s when they get into relationships, but thats not me.
I don't actively date other women. Im not isolated from the world either. Im the same as I was before being in a relationship. I still flirt girls, I still hit on them, I still regularly go out with friends.
If she had at least 6 months of relevant experience then yes, no doubt. She has 2 so far.
4 more months of this shit can give her an real opening to a good career.
And then all the toxicity will not have been in vain.
You are probably right. However its not about what she will think. Its about what I think. My frustrations come from a logical standpoint. Why moan if you are doing nothing about it?
But if I look at it from an emotional point of view, I get it. Shes angry and frustrated, looking to exteriorize.

In the end though its irrelevant. Because either way its too much. And hence needs to be addressed.

Thank you.

Pretty much this.

I get your conflict of emotional vs logical, but once a behavior starts becoming draining, continuing being supporting will come at the cost of your own mental sanity.

What I'm saying is - by all means - keep being a good boyfriend. But don't sacrifice yourself in the process. Draw the line if a line needs to be drawn.

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It sounds like you are merely a leaf in the wind reacting to her gusts.

If you don't like it, change the frame. Toss her on the bed in the middle of her complaint fest. Or take her out dancing, and let her get fucking crazy.

Shift the gears. Don't be a leaf.

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Well, tbh sounds like your gf is in a shitty position. I dont know what you expect her to do to better it. Leave the job? Ok, now she has to go to job interviews explaining why she left a job 2 months in. Doesnt look good, even if you say your old boss was a jerk. Tbh, even 6 months down the line its going to be hard explaining why you're looking for a new job only after 6 months. Shows you may not be a stable person to hire.

Cant ignore....not really a man or woman thing...who really likes feeling stuck? Who can ignore 8 out of 24 hrs in an environment that they dislike? Stand up for herself? Well, then you might as well risk option 1 above. Now, thats not defeatest, just that there are no really good options and your suggestions dont help. Its easy to say "ignore" but ironically, why dont you just IGNORE her venting?

So your chick is in a shitty situation for probably a good bit of time. If you think 6 months down the road, she'll be out...nah.... Whats important is how she deals with stress and a depressing situation. If she cant manage her own depression, thats on her. Now, you can tell her dont talk abt it, doesnt change her emotions. So now you'll have a gf who wont tell you she's feeling shitty, she'll feel worse and you'll be the guy asking why dont you call me anymore? Imo, she's gotta manage her shitty feelings better, to where she's not sad at the end of every day. That may mean she needs friends, hobbies or exercise. This is like the 3rd thread youve made on this chick being depressed or insecure. At a certain pt, either find a chick who can manage her shit, or encourage her to have a life.

Not the way the world works now, neo.

A toxic workplace is emotionally and mentally draining, and only another toxic workplace would look at your decision to leave early and think negatively of it. People change jobs all the time and you only have to say if asked "it was a great opportunity, but I could tell quickly it just wasn't a good fit." Only another jackass manager would assume it reflected badly on the gf.

World is changing, man, a good employee has a lot more power.

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Lol

Its a little late in the game for you to be applying the final solution. You've already accepted the role of the tampon for a whole two months. Talk about a drama queen; you're being a bit dramatic here, and came to vent to us the way she comes to vent to you?

You can very well tell her that you'd appreciate it if she talked to her friends about it and not you, but understand that that won't only apply to this aspect of the relationship. There will be a lot more things she decides not to speak about for fear of getting on your nerves. You may miss that, you may not, but thats on you.

Is the boss only doing this with her though? Or does the entire building on one accord about the boss and receiving the same SPAM?

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He's not going to solve her workplace problem, and neither are we, lol. Typical male logical thinking.

She'll figure it out. All he has to do is lead the interaction away from the complaining.

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I could ignore her venting, but is it the same thing as ignoring a boss who constantly throws venom your way? Also what would that accomplish?
To be fair maybe I didnt express myself properly. I meant ignore as in her trying to not take it to heart. Understand he is how he is and dont take his shit personal.
You are correct however, it is easier said than done.
I know it does not change her emotions. That is true.

Shes not depressed though. I never said she was. A bit insecure, yes.
Encouraging her to have a life is ofcourse a good idea. I do do that, and she is happy with her growth as a person.