Hi all.

Been seeing this girl for a couple of months but just ended. Started shagging straight away. Loads and loads of sex, great chemistry. She said it's the best sex she's ever had. Also did lots of coupley things like going out for dinners, walks. She was very coupley with me in front of my friends and some of hers, to the extent that people were saying "omg she's really into you etc".

On one of the nights out (she was all over me, again in front of my friends) she said she needed to talk about us (as she sat on my lap kissing me). She said she couldn't commit to anything as she had just got out of a ltr. I said I understood but if we were shagging this much (2/3 times a week, and for hours, staying over for weekends etc) I wouldn't want her to see other people. Next day before I left I said I'll give you a few days to think about stuff.

Text her in the week asking what she was thinking about meeting up again (I went on another date on the monday btw to keep my head straight/options open). She agreed and was scheduled for Saturday. She text on friday asking me to come meet her and her friends. I went and she was the same as usual, very coupley, she said "I know it was supposed to be tomorrow but I thought why wait when I can see you tonight".

Had a good night, lots of fun. At the end it was just me and her left, and she brought up the us conversation again. I repeated what I'd said before (that I'd be up for exclusively dating and see how it goes) and said (she said the same things again) we should probably leave it here. When I said that she started crying in the middle of the bar and was saying things like "I can't hurt someone like I hurt my ex again", "I need to be by myself", "why are you making this so complicated" yadayada. She was angling for a f buddy/casual/fwb thing. I took her home. Went round the next day and she was saying the same things. We spent the whole weekend shagging and hanging out. I left it in her court what she wanted to do at the end. She said she needed to "make sure she didn't mess something up", and that she's "not the type of girl to see lots of other boys".

She text saying she needs to be by herself and that we shouldn't date each other. Seen she liked a post on FB which was a quote thing along the lines of "being single does not mean you're lonely, being in a relationship doesn't mean you're in love".

Questions: Have I done anything particularly wrong here? I like her and see her as gf material. Should I not contact her again and totes give up? Should I consider the fwb/f buddy thing even though I actually like her? If I do contact her again, how long should I wait and should I approach it as a catch up, or immediately go sexual?

I feel confused by how she is/was with me and what she was saying

Thanks.

She told you that she doesn't want to commit and your response was that her only option is a relationship. That's what you did wrong. If you want anything more to do with her, take your ultimatum off the table.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

If your values are a monogamous relationship, and she wants to date other people too, either change your values (be needy) or move on to another woman who shares your values.

Its not clear that they don't share the same values. They just aren't in the same place when it comes to them being in a relationship. If he is making it obvious that he wants to be exclusive before she is ready for it that can be reason for her to step back. The fact that she is still hanging in there means something, but putting pressure on her isn't the best route.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

You pushed her away by having several versions of "the talk".

You cannot change a woman's mind/feelings with ultimatums, etc.

I always try to let the woman bring up exclusivity first. If it's her idea, she'll be in love with it and follow it. But, there are times when I force the issue indirectly, using a jealousy tactic.

For example, I'd say "So, I got asked out on a date tomorrow night. Should be interesting".

If girl wants you to herself she won't let this happen.

Invite your FWB over for sex, and tell her you agree, you just want to have fun for now. Do this for a few weeks with NO talk of feelings, then run the"i have a date" line.

Attractive women bristle at complications...especially early on. But two months is early.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Thanks for the replies chaps.

I agree with everything y'all have said. I put too much pressure on and should have just said whatever to deflect the "talks" that she was bringing up. Every time I've had "the talk" before girls have just agreed to this so I didn't put so much thought into it.

I have to be honest and say that my motivation for this is I think she is great gf material and I don't want to regret not having made more effort. So my intentions are to get this into a situation where it could morph into something and take the risk. I guess I feel it would be more beta to just give up in some ways - I.e I want something I should go for it.

I am thinking I should go immediately sexual with my reinitiate text as this will make it clear that I am not looking for something more at this stage (and in my head I will move her into a casual bucket). Something spontaneous, funny, short and flirty. Any suggestions are welcome. I reckon if I get her in the sack again it will be back to usual and I can proceed but I think the tone and timing of said message will need to be on point. I said that I'd be up for keeping her company once in a while in my last text so that idea has been planted. She just needs to be confident that I won't ask for anything more I reckon. It's been 5 days since the last messages btw. I'm thinking wait another 3 or 4. In the meantime she'll see on FB I'm out and doing stuff and hopefully cooler and more interesting stuff then her lol.

Presuming that goes well, I'm going on tour with my band at the end of the month for 2.5 weeks so after we hook up I was thinking of saying something like "I'll be going on tour, so there's no need to have any discussions, lets just keep it simple" etc etc.

What do y'all think to this plan? I think the chances of success are fairly slim given the situation (that she clearly wants to be single and is a bit wounded from the last guy) so I need to have major game face on and charm the tits off her.

Quit being tactical and just be normal. She likes the normal version of you and not the one who is trying too hard.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

1. Invite her over ASAP for Netflix. And use the word "netflix", lol.

2. Tease her, laugh, be playful. Escalate.

3. Make her orgasm as much as possible, perfect your technique, try new things.

4. Ask her about her secrets in bed, after sex, as women are more open post-orgasm. Ask questions about who she is and her dreams, etc will form an emotional bond with you deeper than jealousy/exclusive talks.



Rinse. Repeat for weeks to months. Abstain from all "meta relationship talks". Then this is what you'll hear:

"I want us to be exclusive"

or

"I love you"

And when it's HER saying these things first, she truly means it, and you have yourself a girlfriend for as long as you want, provided you remain emotionally-centered.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

Pay attention to this OP. This is exactly how to be boyfriend material without having to put pressure on her. Keep your emotions and desires under control and this shit is simple.

_________________
mpuaforum.proboards.com

I'd say have fun with the chick, but forget about a rs with her. She's not ready for a relationship, and sure, you can do the jealousy / fear of loss route to make her momentarily choose not losing you over her baggage. But, you'll be back in a couple mths , this time in the Relationships section with a thread saying "we've been fighting about how she feels like I'm holding her back, she wants to go out and party etc." Have fun with her, have sex with her, but I'd advise that in your mind, cross her out for potential gf. If she figures her shit out, great. If she fucks 5 guys and gets her single life fix, great. Keep her as a fb (if you can truly handle that) and place your efforts into the chicks who are ready. Right now, you're a rebound, and you can play the rebound role and take it for what it is, or you can set yourself up for a relationship that was worse than with the guy she just broke up with. If you can, keep it casual, and back burner her. Putting pressure, or using tactics to get this prize, is just going to do you more harm in the long run. You'll be having to mention other chicks are interested in you 6 months in just to keep the relationship going.

Best advice ^

Ok so I got my head in the game and went out to a few bars, got some numbers. I text the girl relating to this thread saying I was up for casual and took all the ultimatums etc off the table as well relegating it to something that won't go anywhere in my head.

Unfortunately her family family pet died today which she was deeply in love with and she was really upset when I sent this text (I obvs didn't know till she said), and she said she has been crying a lot today. She said she really "likes being with me as she's sure I realise" but needs to think about it for a day. I said take as long as you need and sorry about the pet etc, said something comforting. Just wondering whether you guys reckon I should do a comfort/how are you doing text tomo or leave it. Thinking I should do the caring thing, but also I wanted to not put any pressure on. I feel like the caring thing is the better thing to do in this instance. Any opinions?

I really hope you didn't bring up the ultimatums again. Women get over things faster than men, and mentioning them again shows you're still hung up on them. All you had to say was "I'm only down for casual fun right now"

This implies all the other stuff is off the table by itself.




You don't care about her pet, you want to fuck her. So don't be one of those creepy guys that feigns interest early on in something that doesn't effect you...and especially don't patronize her. Women are smarter than men for the most part.

You said your peace about her pet. She said she'd think about it. Let her contact you first. If not, hit her up in 7-10 days.

_________________
Pickup coach. PM for direct, simple coaching.

No I just said casual.

And yeh I think you're right, I have already said enough about the pet. Thanks dude!