-Me and my GF planned today on going to the zoo followed by dinner and maybe a movie

She slept here so we wake up, and get into a argument, nothing special, there was a misunderstanding, basically she was ready when i wasn't, this was neitehr her fault or my fault, but this was the situation we were in. So the following happened

Her: "Are you ready?"
Me: "I thought you had to go back home first? I need another 15 minutes to get ready"

She gets really annoyed at this point

Her: "We don't have all day you could have got ready sooner"
Her: "If you're not ready now im gonna go ahead and do something else today" (Without me basically)

At this point i get slightly annoyed because she also knew it was a misunderstanding that i wasn't ready yet, and we basically had all day left still so it shouldn't be a problem waiting another 15 minutes longer

Me: "Fine, go ahead, if thats what you want then go and plan something else for today"

At this point she gets annoyed/pissed off, walks down the stairs towards the door and is ready to leave, something she has done before, she doesn't actually want to leave but jsut wants a reaction out of me

Me: "We can talk it out, but if you leave now then we're done for today"
Her: "Fine" and walks out the door

So i get ready to go to the gym

10 minutes later she text me

Her: "Come to the bus station i don't wanna stay at home because of this"

My mood was down/low because of the situation (Not in general but towards her) So i was doubting if i should go or just call it a day for now.

I decided i would go and see if we could maybe still have a good time

I am someone that when stuff like this happens it floats around in my head for some time (like the whole day) wich might influence my mood on some occasions

This was a occasion where my mood didn't improve

after 1.5 hours at the zoo she noticed i wasn't as happy and myself, she asked whats up, i just told her the truth

"I don't think today is going to be our day, i'm just not feeling it"
Her: "So you want to go home?"
Me: "Yes i think thats best for now"
Her: "I don't want to go home i want to stay at the zoo"
Her: "You're trying to get me to say something you want to hear but im not gonna say it" (An appology or something she was talking about i guess)

we talk back and forth, i try talking to her and she keeps interupting me when i try to explain something

At one point she says "Alright go home then" and walks away

I stay at the location, find a bench and sit down and wait for her text

Her: "You're a asshole for leaving me at the zoo"
Me: "You could have gone with me"
Her: "Im not gonna leave just because you want me to, i wanted to stay"
Her: "I was really looking forward to this weekend and now you ruined it all"
Her: "You shouldn't have gone with me if you wanted to leave!"
Her: "My whole weekend is ruined now"
Her: "Think i might just go to the clubs alone tonight now im here anyway" (? is she trying to get me jealous or something?)

At this point i decided to stop waiting for her at the zoo and go home

Me: "You're right, but i didn't knew beforehand i wanted to leave early, i really wanted to go and have a good time, but my mood is just not improving, i can't help it, next time you should put some thought in the things you say, it can really ruin someone's mood, like saying you're gonna go ahead and plan something else without me, and just leave when you're pissed instead of talking"
Her: "A Dominant guy you are "
Me :"?"

This text was 1.5 hours ago, haven't heard from her since

So guys am i in the wrong here? Am in the right but should i have not left her at the zoo? What to do now?

Really at a lost here tbh

Thanks in advance

I don't think you're wrong for the way you feel about the situation, but I think you handled your end wrong from the beginning. You've played into her game of guilt and ultimatums and at some point it was going to explode. The easiest way to handle someone who is playing games is to refuse to play and act like the adult when the other person is acting like a child. If she gives you an ultimatum, let her know you will not respond to them and the moment she follows through it is important that you don't respond. How she reacts is important in order for you to figure out if this is the type of woman you want to be with (which you should already be thinking about if she absolutely refused to apologize for her actions earlier). If she blames you for ruining the day because she followed through with her ultimatum then that is a huge red flag.

This doesn't sound too healthy either way.

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Thanks for the insight, all makes sense yes

She texted me 20 minutes ago basically saying she fucked up

"Alright look, you were right about this morning, i was being mean, sometimes i am just mean

Because you didn't do what i wanted you to do i said some stupid things, basically to get you to listen to me, to leave you no choice. But appareantly you don't fall for that

But i also think you should have said at the start that your mood was fucked up and that you didn't want to go to the zoo

Anyway, i ruined my own weekend"


I responded:

"The way you describe it is absolutely correct and i am pretty amazed that you can see that for yourself. Yes i could have said that i didn't want to go to the zoo anymore,. But most of the time when stuff like this happens and i still decide to go, my mood improves and i still have a good time, this time that just wasn't the case unfortunately. I figured id give it a shot to see if my mood improves, if it did we'd have a good time and if it didn't worst case scenario was we go home"

So thats it basically, after that she told me she went to the movies ( alone, she does this a lot btw nothing out of the ordinary )

i asked her if she still planned on going out later that night (cause she said so in the text previously) she said "No, thats just something i said .. "

anyway, im at home now, she's at the movies. Think i will just leave it at this for today, not really feeling it hah

Bla bla bla so much texting.

Texting is to keep things fun, light ,and to set meet ups. Never discuss feelings or arguments over text. Arrange a meet to talk about feelings.

Also, if you a like a girl, never leave her somewhere. That's weak ass beta behavior, and she even called you out with the "dominant" line. If you're in a bad mood, just tell her that and reschedule. Letting your woman down with a reschedule is better than the other stuff you did.



You: lol, someone ate Grouchy Flakes this morning. Dominant men are playful and teasing.



You: Okay spazz, but you'll miss my handsome ass.


Ugh.


Then just call it a day. She'll be bummed at first, but respect your honesty later.


you say this before you meet up, lol.


You: You're right.


You: Hey, I'd rather not get into this over text. Let's meet up later and have some fun, then talk it over.

Why so serious, man? Relationships are about fun. always re-frame to fun unless it's something that really matters (infidelity, honesty issues, etc).

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thanks for the insight, your point of view is basically a whole lot different than mine, something i can learn from

Thing im worried about

"relationships are about fun, always re-frame to fun unless its something serious"

Don't you think that if i always do that that the girl can just walk over me?

Like she can get away with lots of things because i will always "re-frame" it and it ends up all good and fun

Now i "left" her and the whole weekend is ruined basically .. Next time she thinks about saying something like that she might be more hesitant because she knows this is something that can happen then


I know that it is a very extreme between the two, re-frame to fun vs cancelling the whole weekend, but i think there should be a middle way?

Also any tips on improving my mood when something like this happens? I just get kind of cranky and can't/dont want to act like my normal fun self

Could you also explain what you mean with "she also called you out with the "dominant" line" i don't understand

Dominant men don't argue with women over text or for long periods. Women are intelligent as hell, but need to work things out in their own heads.

Dominant men also do not leave their woman at a location. It's weak behavior. Thus her "dominant" line at you.

Relationships should be fun. What you posted in the first post was you not handling your bad mood correctly for the day. You acted emotionally-uncentered, and did not handle her well.

Your girlfriend was acting like many women do. This isn't strange or unusual behavior, just hormones. It is your job to be Han Solo, not Debbie Downer.


Get it?

As the man, you are the leader, the protector, the mountain. The more you stay emotionally-centered and playful, the more your woman will stay that way.

And when you become good at this, you'll be dating 9's and 10's and having other 9's and 10's chasing you. You will then have the abundance mentality of a hot woman, and you can walk away from any relationship you don't like without much effect.

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