| Hey guys,
let me just share a story with you. Neither my friends nor me do really get it, maybe here are some geniuses around to help me to get my mind straight.
The story is about a girl (who would have guessed that!) named Karolina.
I got to know her in Australia during a semester abroad. I am just gonna skip this part since it's not related to the story (anyway - awesome roadtrip, a lot of drinking and partying while just being friends).
This funny, life-loving polish girl somehow kept being part of my life (I live in Germany as a German).
After being best friends for over a year and many fun trips around Europe, where I continuously hit on her (even though she really was my best friend), she kind of figured out she likes me as well and it clicked even more than ever before. We kept having an amazing time together as best friends with benefits. Around our friends we sticked to being just friends, since it would be "weird" to be a part-time-couple. After some time, we decided to move on and made it official! yes, me - the guy who is called tinder-gardener by his friends got an actual girlfriend. It was an amazing time since Karolina studied nearby since she basically never studies in Poland anyway.
Sounds like a perfect relationship to you? I guess it was! But while traveling around Asia, I couldnt resist to be the pick-up-guy I learned to be before her.
Right when I came back from this amazing trip I broke up with her - knowing that I am not worth being someones boyfriend. Especially to this amazing girl.
Even though it broke her heart, I was the one she wanted to talk about it with. We spent days, nights and gallons of wine to get her over this break-up.
That time pretty much got us back to the state of being best friends with benefits (is there any nicer way to call it???).
Asia was in march, now it is October. From my point of view we had an amazing year "together". Pretty much every trip I did was with her. Besides that, I kept playing the game with random girls.
For me, there is a massive difference between picking up girls and having someone close. I dont know how to explain it. Sometimes you feel, sometimes you play!
Since this statement is not officially excepted, Karolina decided - on my freaking birthday - to end the physical part and stick to being "just" best friends.
After that, something weird happened to me. I felt miserable! I haven't felt anything like that in ages!
I knew something like this would happen - she kind of prepared me for that moment:
I went to the alps for some high alpine fun for a week. On my way back I texted her, craving for a meeting with all that emotional stuff (cuddling, talking, feeling loved,...), expecting her to have missed me as much as I have missed her.
Instead she told me she is busy having fun with her erasmus friends that night, but promised me to come the next day. Guys, you should have seen (and smelled her) the next day once she arrived. Still having that sex odour on her body, glassy eyes and a look of shame. That was the moment where I realized that things had changed. I went from top priority to no priority in the blink of an eye.
Even though I know she knew what I was doing whenever she wasnt around, I always knew that she is my number one - my inofficial girlfriend. Whenever she asked me, I cancelled anything else to somehow meet up with her. That night she didnt do that for me. She did the exact opposite.
I am not the emotional kind of person. But that seriously cracked me. I was devasted. And I still am!
She keeps texting me how much I mean to her and how much we need to stay best friends.
But right now, I cant do that. This girls means sooo much to me. If I look at her, the only thing I wanna do is to grab her, hold her tight, feel her breath,...
I cant handle loosing her. Neither as my best friend or my (...fuck buddy???)...
I know she hasnt been an angel as well, but how could i expect that? I was even worse i guess. But for me, it is all about priorities...
Today she mentioned, we could go back to business-as-usual, as if all this crap never happened and we could become best friends with benefits as before. I am not sure if that is a proper solution..
Any solutions or comments???
Cheers for your time!
Flo
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CHAT
