This is sort of a two part question, so I will try to keep it concise as possible. My girlfriend and I began dating in June during summer break from college, we are both juniors now at school. My first issue is related to social media. Last week I posted a picture on social media of me and another girl, that she and I are both mutual friends with. She told me that if it wasn't someone she knew that she wouldn't like it and be upset. However, yesterday she posted on social media, a picture of her with two other guys at the bar. I trust her completely, but what bothers me more is her doing this specifically after telling me not to this type of thing last week. Would me telling her I disapprove of this/call her out be maintaining a strong boundary or more so being needy?

Alongside this, the past two days she has been taking unusually long to respond to my texts the past two days. She usually responds to my texts very promptly. For example, on Saturday she literally responded to my texts throughout the day within a minute or two. She spent the night at my place three times last week and then all of a sudden it seems she cooled off. She has never acted like this for the past six months I've known her. I realize it's only been a few days, but something just seems off.

Both of these things happening at the same time has just somewhat caught me off guard. We have had virtually zero issues up to this point in our relationship. Am i just being over reactive or should I have some level of concern. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Don't play this cat and mouse game with her, it will be detrimental to your relationship- who cares if she doesn't like it, it was a mutual friend- she got jealous so she retaliated. She knows what she said and she knows she did that as a "payback".


I would just keep your cool- she could just be giving you drama and the cold shoulder. I would save calling her out if she calls you out again for posting a picture. Gently remind her that she did the same thing and you didn't give her lip. Tell her to please cut the drama out and grow up a bit

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So you think she's banging one or both of these guys

You said this is the first time this happened, but keep in mind you've barely been dating for a few months. She wasn't being very mature in her way of handling things. Not to mention the double standard. Looks like a flag, and it's pretty red.

I'd absolutely call her out. However doing that doesn't either enforce a boundary nor make you needy. That's something you should worry about if this proves to not be an isolated incident.

As a general rule, you'll be fine, as long as you're willing to walk away.

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not at all. Like I sad I trust her, it's more so the double standard that irritated me.

I completely agree. Next time I see her this will definitively be brought up and my opinion voiced.

Timeline is weird. If I have it correct; you posted a pic with a mutual friend last week. She told you she'd be upset if she didnt know the friend, but she was still seeing and everything was normal. Then Saturday she goes out, posts a pic and since then has been acting different. It seems weird to me that she'd act normal when she saw your picture, but change when she posted hers. I'd expect if she was jealous, her response would have occurred last week when she saw the picture, not over the weekend after she posted hers or around that time. So your pic=she acts normal, just comments on it but still everything is normal. She goes to the bar, posts a pic of it = distant. Maybe its just a fluke or the honeymoon period is ending? Maybe its cause school has started again?

Also, I dont know what your boundary is. She said SHE'd be upset.... you're not upset she was with other guys. Its a double standard for sure, but not really a boundary as you dont have the same boundary she does. My guess is I dont think she is starting drama because of the timing. And this may not be the last thread on this chick.

So before she went "cold" she spent three nights at your place?

The sex was probably bad.

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Impossible

If someone isn't meeting a need of yours, and in this case I'd say its mutuality or 'integrity' then the onus is on you to bring it up BUT not in accusatory way. Rather, to stay with you and express to the other person that you feel frustrated as a result of your need for such-in-such not being met. After which point you can work together on strategies to help meet that need - which in this case may mean that she abstain from posting photos of 'strange' men. If you can't speak your needs to your partner openly, whats the point of being in a relationship?

Here's my take. I've been here before. The girl has different views than you do. If she posted the pictures of the two guys at the bar beforehand, you wouldn't have thought twice about it. Now, because she enforced a rule on you, you feel that she should live by her own code. So the real problem is, of course, that she is a hypocrite. My opinion is that she didn't do this unknowingly, of course. There's two options for why she would do this. One is to show you that jealousy sucks and that posting pictures of others makes the other person feel like shit.....In her world. So she's projecting her mindset onto you. The second reason is because she is seeing whether you will bring it up. Either to see if you have balls, or to see what she can get away with in the future. Generally people that enforce rules are going to be the ones who have considered breaking them. The same way cheaters believe their partner will cheat. Which one of these options is up to you to decide.

Not necessarily.

So what happened?

He spoke on his needs and she killed him, rolled him up in a carpet roll and tossed his bodyin a ditch.