Hi guys,
First of all, would like to appreciate the great posts everyone writes. I've got alot of women with the help of you people.

Here's the story:

I’ve been seeing this girl for almost 2 years now. Living in together for the past year and a half. Everything was going great.

She is new in my city (1.5 yrs) and doesn’t have friends. She has only 2 or 3 friends whom she doesn’t meet often, probably once in 2 months or so and often feels lonely saying that she wants to go back to her mom.

I give her quite a lot of time. Movies, dinners etc. Initially I was paying for everything then we spoke and we split now since 6 months. We have started to split the rent as well.

I’ll to the point

Guy – She knows him for a few years now through a friend. She said they are friends. And she went for coffee with him once that i knew. I was completely ok and encouraged her to go out and meet new people through her friends. The people I know are usually busy during the week and only get out on weekends. This was Feb

Now September. Fast forward yesterday, I was going out for dinner with my sister, she said that might go meet this guy. I was ok and we decided that I would pick her up after I’m done from dinner. She didn’t end up going to see him as he made it late.

Today morning, her facebook was open so I went through the messages with this same guy:

Conversation part what I read today morning (from Feb 1 - 4).

Hi how are you etc ...

Him – I miss you
Her – When are you coming back? I will message you once I’m back from running
Him – U understand that I say I miss you
Her – I understood ☺ we will see other when you’re back. I wanted to meet you today
Him – Do you miss me ?
Her – If I don’t then I wouldn’t like to meet you
Him – I wanna hear from you
Her – What do you want to hear
No message. Next Day. Hi , hello etc

Him – My friend is getting married this summer. We are going to Thailand
Her – wow nice! They you cant wish me to be with you☺ cuz its your friend party
Him – That’s why im saying I wish this trip to be with you. Can I ask you a question
Her – Maybe one day we will find ourselves somewhere on island together ☺
Him – Do you think we can be together
Her – I am scared to be with you more than friends cuz I don’t find you as a stable person I think you still need crazy parties and bunch of girls. I don’t want to suffer.
Him – I am not like this now and I don’t want this life again. I want you and you are the only one I trust and love you
Her – your words hurt me. I am very confused. I really enjoyed to spend the evening together. It was our first normal meeting. And I would love to see you more often without any forcing. Its new beginning. New you and new me.
Him – SO just wanna meet as friends and no more
Her – I need some time to spend with you to understand what is in your mind and heart
Him – I got your point
Her – good that we understand each other.

After confronting to her about these messages, she said its normal and she just treats him as a friend and nothing more. He offered her twice to move in with her but she said no.

I asked her to call him that I want to speak to him and know if she has ever told him that she is seeing someone.
She said doesn’t have his number saved.

I said no problem. I pulled it up from facebook and dialed it from her phone and she had saved it under a girl’s name. And she agreed that she had some feelings for him before in Feb.

After I asked her why she lied, she says that she was scared. And cried all day long.
I’m 100% sure that she has met him only once.

I kept asking her why and asked her to put herself in my position and how would she feel about it. She kept saying that she hasn't seen him after feb and they just chat sometimes. Before he had feeling and she made it clear etc etc.

I’ve met her mom twice and her whole family knows about us. She has been pressing me to introduce her to my family. But I said need some more time to be established and then I surely will. She’s met my sister a couple of times.

My biggest question here is: I really love her, and I know she loves me too.

I’m confused what to do ?

My advice to you is to be smarter than love. Your gut is telling you that this is wrong. Her paying half for everything has nothing to do with faithfulness and having appropriate friendships.

I feel for you man, but you have to make the decision to do what's right for you.

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I don't care about the money. I'm pretty well off. I didn't want to be a sugar daddy to her paying for everything.
I know it's wrong. But at the same time she has only met him once in Feb. That's why I'm in 2 minds

That's not an appropriate conversation for a guy that she's only met once.

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I disagree with Jack here, I think you should give her a second chance, she only met him once and since she splits bills she must care about you.


Seriously though, hell the fuck no...this chick doesnt give a fuck about you man. Walk the fuck away. If you're well off, move out.

@jack - sorry for the confusion she's knows him since 2 years. They've met twice. 1st time 2 years ago and 2nd in Feb


@neo - didn't get you exactly

Regardless how long she knows him she f ed up and is in denial mode.

That's what's bothering me.

My fiends who know her say it's not that she has done something with this dude. Maybe used him as an emotional tampon as I was way too busy with work at that moment.

Now the question is do I want to be her with her forever

How do I think about that answer

As all this is first time for me

Ok...but do you think that is an appropriate conversation for a girl that is in a relationship?

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I don't believe it's an appropriate conversation.

But for 1 inappropriate conversation is it worth ending it ?

Because once I call it quits she will move back to her city.

Your girl had an inappropriate conversation with some dude

She didnt even sound like a chick in a relationship, considering her bf's feelings. She didnt give a fuck about you or your relationship

She lied when caught

She beforehand took steps to conceal her wrongdoing ie having him under a girls name in her phone

A chick like this, I dont know how you can trust her.


Heck man, she doesnt even sound like she likes you. "New you and new me"? Dude, move on. I can KINDA a little understand the hope if she were telling him, "but I love dx and blah blah blah". Even then its bad. I can KINDA a little understand if she had come clean when caught and called the guy and ended it. She lied. All you can do with staying with her is have her continue to lie

You snooped through her privacy.... to me that's disrespectful and a reason to end a relationship. Young people in relationships often have backup boys/girls who they keep on a leash.... its normal behavior. When your girl tells you to show your phone/facebook/digital mediums i bet there are things she won't like seeing.....

If you didn't go through her facebook messages there would be no problem right? This girl is loyal, pays for her shit and your happy.....?

Personally i wouldn't want to be with someone who talks to another male like that but it would be hypocrite since i and many other guys do this as well to some extend, maybe not wishing to be with someone but normal flirting yes.

Its your call!

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yes.

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I have been here a long time ago. You won't be the same now after snooping. It will be in the back of your mind. Unless you have some insane mental endurance which sounds like it isn't the case. Your girlfriend as of now has shown you how she will act under stress. It's not a very healthy way she has shown you. Not at all.



If I were you I would weigh your options on getting the fuck out of there since you are living together. She is using girl logic to rationalize away her guilt. She states she treats him like a friend but it doesn't sound that way after your discovery. Maybe you saved yourself a bullet, but the cats out of the bag. I don't see this ending in a happy way.

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Let me tell you from experience. It's exactly what it looks like. Hate to say it but that "friend" becomes the rebound.

Honestly. Listen to their conversation. Either this guy's completely out of his mind, which I know he isn't, because instead of saying "wtf? I have a boyfriend" she is saying "I need time to know if I want you"......MORE THAN MY CURRENT ONE.

Read between the lines. I know you think that this is a "one time thing" and you shouldn't sacrifice ALL YOU HAVE because she made one mistake, but this is just a preview of what's to come. She literally saved his name as a girl. Wtf? Why? You don't seem like the crazy, kill you jealous type. She could have been texting him under that girls name for a while now. You have to understand that she isn't putting him in his place. She isn't telling him fuck off. She is leading him on, and it sounds like not just for fun. She's also leading you on. Get rid of her. Plain and simple. I only say that because you'll never trust her, and for good reason. It's only going to escalate. Next thing is she will be forgiven, flip it on you for looking through her messages, and it will all drive her into his arms. She was plotting against you. That's some pre-meditated shit. She was alluding to going on trips together, and this, and that. Do you think they'd go on a trip in Thailand and sleep in different beds? Do you think you'd even be in the picture if she was going on a trip to Thailand with this guy? No, you'd be freshly dumped and she'd be having that 12 hour flight to be with him as a warm-up to the next step in their relationship.

All I am saying is you know the answer, you want to believe it's not true, but it's true. Dump her. See if she runs to his arms. She will. Then you'll have your proof.

First off, never go through your girlfriends' privacy. Ever. Don't ever do that again.

Moving on.
That's how you treat a friend? Lol. Keep his hopes up just enough to have him come back for more?
Of-course she did.

I personally have never condemned flirting, even in exclusive relationships because I think it's normal to enjoy the attention of the other sex. But if you are in a relationship, it should be kept light. Fantasies of being together on the same island is not light.

Point is, for the most part she's shutting him down. But she's not doing it because of how committed she is to you (because she's not), she's doing it because he's a tool. Were this guy even half decent, I promise you those texts would have been a lot more graphic.

I'll repeat this just for clarity sake, she is not committed to you OP. That's why the shit you found on her fb happened in the first place. That's why it will probably happen again and that's why it will be even worse if the next guy will not be an absolute chump.
And that's why you should break up with her.

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