So I had a first date with a pretty girl. I thought it went well but I might've been mistaken since I texted her a couple of days after the date to set up a second date but no answer.

We had drinks at a bar. Kino was there, banter, that special way she looked at me with big eyes. She even initiated the good night kiss.

By all accounts I thought we both had a good time.

Perhaps she was thoroughly frustrated that she had to initiate the kiss? Maybe didn't feel I was manly enough to do it, or maybe she didn't feel I was really that interested to actually initiate it? Would that be enough of a reason to blow a guy off? I've never experienced this before.

Curious, did you text her you had a nice time after the date?

Based on the way you wrote that, "that special way she looked at me with big eyes," this is likely all shit that you envisioned in your head. Did you lead? Did you build any sexual tension? What kind of "kino" did you do? Other than her giving you a "goodnight" kiss at the very end. And like n2 asked, what did you text her after the date?

I usually wait five days to a week if she doesn't text first. And no sex on the first date is a negative, IMHO. I rarely go back to girls who play "work for it" games. I like honest, direct communication and women who don't waste my time or theirs. You're going out to have a great time, catch a a buzz and have hot sex. Let's not sugar coat it in feelings, fine dining until a relationship organically grows.

She's obviously on the fence, IMHO, and leaning to no.

Chill out! DO NOT contact her. Let her stew.

You may have come off as a bit of a pussy (I hope you didn't pay for all her drinks, too). A lot of guys try to play the nice guy game, to "sneak" into a girl's pants when many times the girl really wants it bad and just wants a guy who will lead.

When you are not congruent with your desires, it tells women you are not a dominant man, and infers you will not be dominant in bed. Women in the 4-7ish range don't care as much about this. But truly beautiful women sniff this shit out and auto-reject.

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He probably didn't. Wanted her to be a mind reader

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I'm pretty much on the other side of the fence than Arch. I tend to agree with try to have sex on the first date, but I don't believe in waiting days or a week down the line to contact them. I'll contact them the next day and have sex with them again that night. Why wait a week when you can do it tomorrow?

My opinion, OP, is that you didn't lead enough for her to keep the attraction that she had for you. She initiated kissing and after that you didn't follow up. If she's doing all the work and you aren't reciprocating what she's putting out there, she's going to lose interest. If you initiated the kiss, then you could probably wait days to contact her because she knows that you felt the attraction and she'd probably contact you before that. If you would have contacted her the next day after she initiated the kiss, she probably would have responded because she would have felt that you were interested. The way you did it didn't allow for you to maintain the momentum that lead up to the date.

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You don't have to have sex on the first date now. Attempt? Yes. Feel bad for not having it ? She will put out the 2nd or 3rd date.

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I meant to put this in my response as well. No sex on the first date doesn't cause any woman to lose interest unless that's all she is about.

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I figured...

Just trying to not get these new guys involved in rape accusations....

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I was referencing *myself* losing interest when a woman doesn't put out on a first date.

IMHO, either it's an awesome attraction meant to be, and you hit it off right away, or it's not. I'm looking for very high quality matches. If I'm not blown away and she isn't blown away, I move on. It's a cliche, but life is short.

All of my best girlfriends/FWB have been at least a bj on the first night.

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That would make sense if you're disqualifying the girls that don't give you at least a bj on the first night. You probably let quite a few women go that didn't give you at least a happy ending that had the potential of being one of your best girlfriends/FWB. If that's the way you like to do things...great, that's the reason to continue. It just doesn't mean that you can't have awesome attraction if it doesn't end sexual the first night. Some girls will be completely shy and keep their legs locked on a first date and be all over you the next night.

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Attraction is just there, IMHO. Yes, you can nurture it over time, but the really, really good kind of intense attraction is built in both sides. I've been around enough to know when there's mutual passion and when there's never going to be. I guess a built-in mechanism that saves myself from wasting time.

That's true. It's not a blanket policy, but there are indicators on the first date.

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You already know this but female attraction isn't an on/off switch like it is for many guys; it's more like a slider, and it can shift and become really intense, passionate, and intimate. It's built on both sides, of course. You may find that intense passion and attraction you're looking for if you aren't so quick to disqualify them.

IMHO the best kind of sex is the intimate kind, and I'm not saying that first date sex can't be like that, but all I'm saying is that I've never been one to feel that kind of intimacy on a first date... except for back in my oneitis days of course.

True. But it can be on/offy at times, just not as consistently as men.


I agree. But you have to start somewhere.

A poster on here has a sig about "all comments direct towards maintaining mutual attraction with a quality woman". It's spot on. It's all about quality versus quantity, IMHO.

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Guys, let's not derail the thread about the must-have-sex-on-first-date topic. I know it's a plus but it didn't happen so let's move past that

I didn't text her after the date. I texted her a couple of days after where I included that I had a good time and invited her to another date

Well, I'm not sure what you mean by envisioned it in my head but when she looks at you with big eyes, pupils dilated, usually that means she's attracted to you, or atleast that's my experience. I can be wrong tho. Or maybe she was on drugs lol

The kind of kino, I can't remember but it was what I usually do. Just the normal stuff. I also usually make sure that I go first towards a door and open it for the woman so I can guide her in with my hand on her lower back. I like that, but perhaps it's a nice guy move, I don't know.

Sexual tension part, I usually just be myself. I like to banter, and disagree just to make fun of the woman, always with a devilish smile tho. I'm pretty good looking so I guess I have leeway in terms of flaws in my game so tbh I have difficulties in answering your questions because I just do what I do and it usually works, atleast in terms of attraction. I suffer from the same that most guys that after dating the same woman for a while I tend to change a bit and become too nice to her and hence get dumped. But that's another topic.

I didn't text her after the date because I didn't think it was necesary


I'm thinking you are correct in your analysis. And no, I didn't pay for her drinks. One thing that happened during the date was that she was gonna help me with settings in an app on my phone, and as she was holding my phone I recieved a text from a girl asking me what I was doing tonight. Maybe that didn't help the cause.

It's wierd that she didn't even respond, I mean, It's like I shot her cat or something. She did add me on Facebook a week before the date, she hasn't removed me as far as I know.