I have a different view than you do, so it's hard for me to say you should separate from the situation entirely. The problem for me is that she presented herself in a certain way...a girl in an open relationship with the guy that she lived with. You are trying to change her entire relationship dynamic and you did it in a very manipulative way. You purposely undermined her boyfriend and actively tried to change her thinking on monogamy. You're basically trying to change her into something that she's not. I'm more puzzled why you are trying to change her when you could just be happy with who she is until you find someone else who is more ideal for you.

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This is not an ideal situation.
How do you know she's not having sex with him?
How do you know she won't get back with him?

Too sudden.

Well, she has told me her open relationship was more of an experiment than anything, she was dating that guy monogamously and about 2 years in their relationship was under a lot of stress and she was not happy with him, and said that she needed an open relationship. She said she would have broken up with him if he didn't agree to it. I am not manipulating or changing her, I am just talking to her about what she wants, and the future she sees. Her issue was she was living in the moment and did not understand the reality of what she is doing. Like she wanted new experiences with different people, without understanding eventually she was going to break their hearts as she moved on, but they didn't. She has told me no matter what happens in this situation, she will never have an open relationship again because of it.

I have let her come to her own conclusions in this situation, because I am a very analytic person, and I presented her with questions to ask herself about what she wants, and she realized on her own terms that an open relationship was not what she wanted. (Which is why she is no longer doing that)

I don't know what she does or will do. I trust her though, and I don't believe they're having sex. The guy is a pushover, definitely a beta personality. He is the kind of guy that presents himself as a victim. She has expressed to me that even before she met me, there was little to no sexual desire for him. She told me she broke up with him because she thinks her love for him has turned more into a deep friendship, and that there is no romance in their relationship. I believe her because they literally do nothing together, and she has been spending most of her time alone, or with her friends or me, and has mostly been avoiding him all together.

I don't necessarily believe her words...sometimes people say things to justify actions. If she said she'd never do it again...why was she doing it when she met you? That is manipulative and there is no question about it. There is more manipulation as well that I can show, but I'm not trying to judge you for that. The thing I'm trying to get across is that she has shown you her character. You can manipulate her into seeing things your way, but if she ever were to become disillusioned with you, she will go back to her original character.

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She said she would never go into an open relationship again because she loves both of us and knows she has to seriously hurt one of us and she never wants to be put into that situation again. I understand why you view my actions as manipulative, but it isn't like I am bringing her to light about the flaws in dating that guy. She has already been on the edge about breaking up with him, and she said that she needed to be able to break up with him on her own terms, and not because she just wants to be with me (She doesn't like the idea of leaving someone for someone else). I didn't highlight issues or anything in their current relationship, and have done pretty much the opposite by not associating with their relationship at all, and instead focusing on my own. I guess I can see why you believe it to be manipulation, but all I really did was examine this guy, see what he is lacking, and what she admires about him, and just focused on myself and just be natural. For the first two weeks of knowing her, he was away in Texas, and I didn't even know anything about him, and she came to these conclusions on differences and I sort of highlighted them in her perspective because she realized she was missing something she never had with him.

So, kind of manipulation, but unintentional. I have only understood the differences between him and I through her and what she has told me about him. So, in reality she is the one who noticed the differences before me, and all I did was emphasize them once I realized about them.

I haven't acted unnatural or different just to get her to like me. The things that are different between me and him are natural qualities of mine, and some of them I really focus on because I know they are attractive qualities.

Look...I'm on your side here. No reason to try to bullshit me. I'm not judging you, but those are two contradictory statements. You wanted to expose his flaws in a subtle way, or in other words, bring her to the light about his flaws. You wanted her to yourself, which you've admitted, and she said she wasn't going to leave him for you.

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Sometimes the best way to solve a problem like this is just to stop giving a fuck.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Ehh yeah, I understand. I had an understanding of his flaws and that my own personality doesn't have those flaws, and I reinforced them because of it. But I also know the things that she has done is because she also doesn't want to lose me.

I think maybe the best approach is yeah, to stop giving a fuck.

I want her to know that I am serious about wanting a relationship with her, but I also don't want to be played/led on. Do you think I should continue seeing other people, to show that I am not someone to be waited on? Because I have been seeing her exclusively

1. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone that isn't sure about being in a relationship with you?
2. Why are you considering a relationship with a girl that you have only recently met?
3. Why do you believe everything that this girl has told you?

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I think you should do whatever makes your willy happy. Stop trying to make her responsible for your happiness. Look at your situation for what it is, not what you think it should be.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Well, I am the kind of person that only has serious relationships. I have had casual relationships in the past and I do not enjoy them, I like the intimacy and being close enough to someone that you understand what they are thinking and they know what you are thinking without having to say anything. I value the connection that I have in a serious relationship.

That being said, all of my serious relationships were dedicated, but I have always lacked similarities with my exes. We get along great, and do a lot of fun things, but have always had a disconnect between common interests.

I am an introvert, and consider myself attractive and have never had a problem with women. I am independent and living on my own, I am 24 and working a well paid full time job. I have always had a problem being open to people in my previous relationships, and functioned poorly during arguments (Would always keep to myself, etc...)

Everything is different with her. I've opened up to her more than I've opened up to anyone in my life, even my family and closest friends, and she's done the same to me. I feel a deep sense of trust with her that has blown away any insecurities I've had in the past. She values self growth as much as I do, and I have already grown off of her and become a more mature person being with her, and I believe I have a lot of room to grow being with her.

I want to be in a relationship with her because of our connection, I understand that passions and new experiences simmer down after a relationship stabilizes, but I don't think that this is what identifies our relationship. I inserted myself into her life during a time she believed herself to be happy, only to do some introspection and realize she isn't satisfied and wants change. That is why she is hesitant about me, because I represent risk while the other guy represents security. She has told me that she feels like she would be settling if she continued to date that guy.

I have had plenty of relationships in my life and I have experienced misrepresenting lust for love. I understand that my feelings for her have moved quickly, but they feel justified because of how well we get along together. She is the kind of person I feel like I've known all my life, and being open to her comes naturally to me. I have never had this kind of relationship with a person before, which is why I have embraced it.

I believe she has been honest and open to me because she runs just as much risk of being hurt as I do. She has been hurt a lot in her past and has been a victim in abusive relationships. She values honesty and trust over all other qualities in a relationship, and yeah, she might be playing me or lying to me, but I choose to believe her. She is afraid of being lied to because of her past and because of it, I believe she is over the top honest, not just to me, but to everyone.

I have had serious relationships that do not last long, as you have described, where infatuation and lust are misrepresented as something else. I have a pretty strong feeling that this is not the same.
I'm not a dependent person, and if she said today that she wants to end things permanently with me, I wouldn't be devastated. I understand how bad codependency is and actively examine myself to avoid it. I have just never met anyone like her before, and a gut feeling tells me to go with it

I have met lots of women...... just like her.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Ehh I mean I understand what you mean by that, but when I say I've never met anyone like her, I mean I have never met anyone as similar as me as she is. It is on a more personal level when I say I've never met anyone like her. We share the same type of humor that a lot of people don't get, we are very curious people and ask questions all the time, which can get annoying to people. We both have a passion for outdoor activities and we can relate to each other a lot. We've both put up a lot of walls to avoid being open and exposed to people, yet our walls crumbled immediately being together.

We get along better than I've ever gotten along with anyone in my life.

And to add to that, she is an absolute fox with some big ol boobies

The reasons I've asked you that is because I wanted to see how grounded you were in reality. To me, and I don't know you, you seem like you are being more of an idealist than a realist when it comes to this girl. Do yourself a favor and give yourself some space from her until she changes her situation so you can go at this in a more honest and clear-eyed way. Right now you are competing for her and eliminate competition and you aren't paying attention to all of the red flags around you. You justify her actions so she can fit into what you need her to be. The way you are going right now is not going to end well for you because you are making more of an investment than a guy that has met a single girl and it's putting you in a compromising situation.

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Sometimes giving advice on this forum is like watching someone drown, and not being able to convince them that to save themselves all they need to do is simply stand up.

You are coming down with a severe case of oneitis, but sometimes that's the only way to get vaccinated.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.