Hello everyone,

I have recently met someone I have connected to deeper and closer than anyone ever in my life. However, the situation has become extremely complicated.

Our feelings for each other developed very quickly, mostly because of how similar we are to each other. We get along on a level that I have never experienced with anyone else. We've known each other for about a month now, and both feel like we love each other. It feels like one of those connections that is just meant to be.

However, when I met her, she was actively participating in an open relationship. Seeing this woman for who she is, I jumped right into the mix without hesitation. However, I quickly realized that open relationships are not for me. Not necessarily that I am insecure or anything, but I am looking for a serious, dedicated relationship, and that seemed impossible to me as long as I was considered a "side bitch".

So, a competition began to win her hand. I did not berate her with negativity regarding her current relationships. She was dating a guy for over 3 years and considered themselves to be extremely serious. I inserted myself into the situation and now she feels so strongly for me, she reconsidered being with him, because he does not make her feel like I do.

During this time, we would discuss monogamy vs an open relationship. I was able to convince her how an open relationship makes people more prone to insecurity, and often creates trust issues in partners. In my mind, I knew that this could get ugly and I wanted to subtly expose any flaws that her current boyfriend had. And it worked, she told me she would never just leave someone for someone else, but rather would need to find a serious reason why the relationship would not work. As I started taking the spotlight in her life, the current boyfriend started showing his ugly side, attempting to manipulate her and make her feel guilty for not giving him enough attention.

This worked extremely against his favor, because apparently in their past, as she put it, he would often take her for granted, and would ignore her needs and desires, because of the security and comfortability of being in a long term relationship. She saw the passion and dedication that I presented as a new, fresh perspective, and began to take note of how her current boyfriend lacked these qualities.

Eventually these emotions caused a storm inside of her and she pushed back from her boyfriend, but also me. She needed time to think and process what she wants. Her boyfriend refused to respect her space, and would not give her any time at all, attempting to impose ultimatums on her. Meanwhile, I respected her agency and was patient with her, letting her know that I respect any decisions she would make, and that I would give her all the time she needed to figure things out.

It worked, much to my surprise, and she ended up breaking up with her boyfriend. Their situation is quite complicated now, as they lived together and still live together. She has a hard time with this, because he is a good guy, just not a dedicated partner. She cares deeply about him, and still has strong feelings for him. Unfortunately, she also ended things with me, claiming that she needed space to figure things out for herself and to "find herself".

So here I am, walking a very confusing line of dating and not dating. She spends every night at my house, we are intimate together and tell each other we love one another. We kiss and snuggle and occasionally do sexual things (She feels sort of guilty about this). We express our feelings and emotions just like we did when we were dating, except nothing is official.

She is still trying to decide if she wants to be with him, or if she wants to be with me, or if she wants to just be single and not date anyone right now. I feel like the unfortunate victim of circumstance in this situation, she has told me many times she would be official with me without hesitation if he was not in her life.

So, that is my current situation. I figure since I started with no ground or say in this relationship, I have progressed extremely well, except it is still an ongoing process. The other guy is still in college and broke pretty much 24/7, and she has told me how at times he would be dependent on her for finances. I am a college graduate working a nice, full time job, so I have been treating her right. We go on a lot of dates, and I keep things interesting. (For example, we have a surprise date on Sunday that I haven't told her what we are doing, we are going to go on a 2 hour drive to Hershey Park)

I have basically looked at this situation, and have been trying to exemplify qualities about myself that he does not have that she enjoys and admires. I have not focused any of my attention onto him, instead just promoting the positivity of our relationship. She has told me that she doesn't want to lose me no matter what, and that even if we ended things permanently, she doesn't think she'd be able to stop seeing me. I am not trying to promote a dependent relationship, however, and have kept my distance from her at times, which has only seemed to make me more desirable in her eyes.

I'm just looking for advice now. This is all unfamiliar territory for me, and I am pleased I have been handling it quite well. However, with the instability of the current situation, I fear that at any point things could tilt out of my favor and all this work would be for nothing. So, I'm just wondering if any of you have suggestions of how I should handle this. I can answer any questions you might have. Thanks

There's the missing puzzle piece. You didn't even fuck her yet. Fuck her real good. Fuck her so hard she'll need to ice her pussy for three days.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Oh sorry, I meant to say that before we "broke up" (Quotations because not really), we would have sex. A lot. I have a lot of endurance and stamina, and satisfy her every time. We would have sex 2-3 times a day. I think we are in this current situation ("broken up", but still intimate) because of this.

Then I'd put her on low priority, Become less available, less convenient. More of a challenge. She has no reason to change anything.

Does her breath smell like his dick while your "cuddling"? jw

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

It's funny because she seriously considers a future with me and knows how important monogamy is to me, so she has stopped any and all intimacy with him. Heh heh

But you are right, I've Demonstrated value, Engaged physically, Nurtured dependence, and now it's time to Neglect emotionally. (D.E.N.N.I.S. System for any Always Sunny in Philadelphia watchers )

Always Sunny in Philadelphia has a lot to teach us. lol

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

This whole thing is pathetic. OP, you're being naive. You are providing her with something different than what she currently has. She is going through the normal feeling of excitement when someone meets a person that they believe may have potential. You see it all of the time...a girl sees a guy as perfect in month one and can't stand anything about him in month two.

I'm going to tell you something that just about any guy that's good with women will probably agree with. The easiest women to seduce are women with boyfriends. Usually, there is something missing in the relationship and normally it's excitement because relationships eventually normalize and become real life. You're offering her things that her boyfriend currently can't offer and that is really exciting for her. If you keep going down this path, the things that you can offer will be considered normal.

Take off the rose colored glasses. Don't start planning a future with her until she's completely out of her ex's life, get's her own place, and has been single for a significant amount of time. You don't want to be the guy that she'll be telling next month that she has never really been single.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

oops wrong thread.

"She is still trying to decide if she wants to be with him, or if she wants to be with me, or if she wants to just be single and not date anyone right now. I feel like the unfortunate victim of circumstance in this situation, she has told me many times she would be official with me without hesitation if he was not in her life. "


She's not needing to decide on anything. She's quite comfortable where she's at, having two different guys meet her needs.

Why ruin that when she can both have her cake, and eat it too.

Oh, she is definitely not comfortable with her current situation at all. She openly expresses it all the time. She works in social services, she has two jobs where she works at a homeless shelter for children and another where she works for children who deal with abuse. She really cares about people and she does not like difficult situations where she knows she has to hurt someone, so she has been trying to avoid any big decisioni, because before me, she really planted her life with him. And now that is all up in the air because of me. She is definitely not comfortable with where she's at. She thought she knew what she wanted, and now has no idea. She told me today that she is treating the other guy completely like a friend and they've developed rules and boundaries to assure that, but she hasn't done that with me.

Women need leaders.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I understand where you are coming from with this, but I haven't been able to describe the situation in full detail. While she is excited about the things I present that the other guy doesn't, it is the similarities in our personality and our common interests that I believe create a consistency in our feelings together. Both of us have opened up to each other in ways that we never have before to others, and we have already developed a unique relationship. She views me as emotionally available and the only reason we are this far along is because she seriously considers a future with me.

I agree with you about the need for her to disassociate with her ex. I have shown her that it will only hurt the both of them if they continue to live together. She believes she has no choice in the matter, because they got a place that is low-income housing, and that she doesn't think she can find anyone to take over the lease.

So your suggestion would be to distance myself from her until she has her ex situation sorted out? Because I believe she will deal with it and continue living with him and I am almost positive it will go from a bad situation to worse, as their friendship deteriorates.

I wish you would take some time and read through a lot of the threads about guys in similar situations on the forum. There are so many guys that come here making this exact same statement about a girl that he's recently met and after a few months they can't figure out why she went so cold. This is a normal experience that men and women go through. It's not what you want to hear, but it's reality. I'm not trying to discourage you about how you feel right now, but don't idealize a future with her until a significant amount of time with her has really proven her character and both of your compatibility.Not a good idea for you to deal with. Her living with him won't allow her to let him go completely and will lead to an "it just happened moment." The moment that he appears to move on is when she will be the most susceptible to one of those moments.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

I understand what you mean, and have a little inside voice that is like, "But this is different!" However, I will just assume you know what you are talking about here. I agree that neither of them will be able to fully move on with their current situation. Since everything is up in the air right now, she might not even decide to to be with me and just flop back to her safety/comfortability that she has developed with him.

You think I should separate from this situation entirely? Or just play it out, distance myself, and let her make up her mind about this? The annoying thing to me is her indecision here. If she chose to be with him, so be it, I'd just move on. Being up in the air about this is very frustrating for me. I like having control of the choices involved in my life and this is one that seems completely out of my control.