I meet a lot of people. Last year I've met a girl at a party. We have added each other on Facebook. Since then talked only briefly, she was just one of many people I have met in that amount of time. At some point I have decided to meet with her but I was not really pushing it. It took us quite a lot of time since I was really not that much interested. We've met, it was quite cool and then we started meeting every couple of days. There was sexual tension in the air but I was really not pushing for anything since I was quite busy with other things and actually I haven't even noticed how she was always in the background, which on second thought wasn't cool to do on my side. Anyway, it lasted about five weeks. In the meantime i discovered couple of things:
- she was really into me (she always was able to find time for a meeting, she was interested in my life, in what I do, how I spend time),
- she stated that if not society, she would prefer to live sexually free life,
- she was adult but quite young and was doing many things because she wanted to present herself as a specific kind of person, free, open minded, experimenting with life, it's like she just started to discover adulthood,
- she had a long term boyfriend (at least that's what she said, but the guy was aware we were meeting, but I am not sure if he was aware of the nature of those meetings, and actually she mentioned that he would prefer if she found someone she would fall in love with, maybe it was her former boyfriend and they just decided to have sexual relationships till she finds someone else)
- i know that once she kissed a guy on a party while being in that supposed relationship but when the guy wanted something more she totally cut him off
- her parents are very overprotective
- she has only small group of close friends but recently started to approach many people she does not know
- she was quite a good lier, which I didn't mind since it never affected me in any way and was quite funny to observe

So after those couple of weeks we finally kissed. I think it was obvious for both parties that it was unnaturally long time. Actually in the meantime I started to value her more as a friend than something more but at that point I wouldn't mind one Night stand or relationship. Seriously all options were equally tempting. After we kissed it was obvious that it was silly to wait for it for such a long time and that it was a little bit underwhelming after all this waiting.

For the next couple of days we had the usual talks on Facebook, I was not pushing for anything more since once again I was busy with other things and also I didn't want her to feel pressure or risk to her supposed relationship. Couple of days later I suggested spontaneous meeting but cancelled in the last minute. Still no harm done, we were talking as always. Everything was as it used to be, then after about ten days I suggested a meeting again and she couldnt do it (note that before that she was always able to find time), then tried it again and once again she said she can't make it. Then I wanted to make sure if everything is OK, didn't get any concrete response. I decided not to engage in the situstions I do not understand, I have disappeared for couple of weeks, called her almost a month later and suggested a meeting, she immediately found an excuse which I destroyed on the spot, then she found another one that was more solid, I could destroy it to but didn't want to push too much, since that was not the point, she definitely felt uncomfortable. Actually she told me she is a bit antisocial at the moment (despite the fact I clearly heard that she was at the party at that moment). I took a brake for another two weeks, accidentally met her and she was rather avoidant (but I wasn't sure if she was avoiding me or everyone or everyone around but because of my presence). Met her couple of days later, similar situation but little better. I made sure she understands I am a bit worried and if there is something I could do for her to help she can just let me know. Some time later she wrote me long message that was saying thank you and that she feels bad that I am kind of worried about her and that she is just antisocial now for unknown period of time. Might be true (she used to attend many events on Facebook and now only a couple of them, and she ads almost noone there to her friend list), but also remember she is quite a good lier. Any suggestion how to deal with this now? Basically, I want to resume this contact, whether it is friendship, romance or trying something more. Any ideas what actually happened here and how to fix this?

It's a guess based on limited information of you and the girl,
But it seems to me that you upset her by cancelling at the last minute.

How upset she would be based on this, would be to do with age too. Is she young?

She might be playing games with you with cancelling and finding excuses, because you cancelled at the last minute. If this is true; then a "cut the crap" statement would work great.

Like, "Did you get mad when I cancelled on you?"

That's what I recommend.

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Willingly pursuing a liar, why? Cause she's 'mysterious'?

Please. She sounds like a complete and utter waste of time. Work on yourself, attract higher calibre women rather than wasting you time pursuing someone damaged.

It's really hard to me to figure out what actually happened. Maybe you are on to something with this interpretation. It might be mix of couple of factors - me cancelling first and then authoratively suggesting other date like nothing happened. She might have felt bad about this especially that it was after we already kissed and maybe she felt disrespected. But on the other hand it wasn't a long planned meeting. It was a text more in the line of "Hi, I am at the city center, maybe you would like to join me?" and she was "Yeah, but I am with couple of people if you don't mind". I said I do not mind but then I cancelled anyway before the managed to get to me (but I guess they would be heading to the same area anyway. OK, that might have been unintentional dick move and she might wanted to get her revange but being mad after couple of weeks? Maybe just the initial spark disapoeared. Asking about this might be good idea but when I look behind I did a lot of dick moves accidentally so it would be strange to bring it up if it wasn't that important to her. As for her ale, she is very young, somewhere between 19 and 20 and it seems she used to be good girl for a long time and only recently decided to experiment with her limits. On the other hand this might be based on the initial attraction and that postponed (and as a result underwhelming) kiss might have killed the attraction, she got what she wanted, and then I continued to treat her not as well as I should and my recent attempts to fix things might be perceived as needenes. Or maybe really she is just having bad time in her life. Or maybe she is scared of getting to close. Or maybe it is good again with her boyfriend (or bad) and she wants to cut off all the guys. Or maybe something else. Really confusing. Any more thoughts greatly appreciated - both attempts at guessing what happened and ideas how to fix this.

That's what girls her age typically do.

Why you're messing with someone like this is the bigger question you're completely glossing over.


Why do you want more thoughts? Like really look at you and your chain of "What ifs..." over this one girl, its ridiculous and creepy. Move on, find someone responsive instead of banging your head over this one. Getting more thoughts from others will just give you more fuel to obsess over, you're in a negative feedback cycle already. Get a grip.

How romantic.
So you just want to be friends with her?


What lasted five weeks? You described only your wishes, not an actual event.

A girl who is "really into you" gets on her knees and puts your dick in her mouth.

I wonder what she thought.

Classic beta behavior.

You lost your chance by acting in a beta, non-sexual way earlier and failing to lead. "Destroying" her excuse makes you look weak. Don't do that shit, lol. Act like a man who has a couple women in his bed:

Her: I can't make it, my toilet is clogged.

You: Cool.

Meet other women. Show up with one of these women where you know she'll be.

That's about the only shot you have left. But I would honestly just go after someone who wants to be with you.

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I finally managed to get a reply from her/

Before I quote it below I have to warn you that despite it might look like bullshit, I have my reasons to believe it is not (which I will explain later).

OK, so she texted me that she just does not feel like continuing this contact at the moment, she does not know why and she was not thinking about it, and people generally make her tired and she is looking for new ones.

Well, before you say that this is bullshit, I definitely remember her saying right at the beginning when we met that she is getting bored of people. It was quite weird to hear back then because she seemed like the opposite, talking to me all the time, craving for contact. I couldn't figure it out why she spends so much time with me despite saying multiple times how not good with people she is.

I wander what was the deal here. Perhaps this is beyond fixing but I am just curious now what happened and what type of person she is. Have you ever encountered someone like that? I wonder why she behaves in such way.

It seems like you didn't really follow the advice here.

She's telling you in a nice way that she's done with you for now.

The only thing you can do is find other women and forget about this one.

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Don't get me wrong. It does not thing there are no other things happening in the meantime. As I mentioned in my initial message I was busy with other things and some of them developed much butter, but I am not here to discuss things that went smoothly but rather analyse and try to fix those that didn't go well. So one thing is I basically want to try different aproaches and experiment just to see if it is possible to fix it. Second thing is - as you have probably noticed - I value her for different reasons than romance. She is truly inspiring and would be just cool friend to hang out with, so seriosly, if I had to chose before romance and friendship I would chose the second one. Remember initially I didn't want anything from here she was chasing me and then I got interested in her. She was trying all the time to prove that she is worth being noticed. Maybe some cold behaviour or specific message would cause her to try and boost her self confidence again that way.

I needed a pair of hip waders for all that bullshit, my friend.

It's all just rationalization.

She said she doesn't want you to contact her right now. So don't.


It's simple: That's how a woman behaves when she is at a 51% attraction level and isn't sure if she should jump your bones. Then you did something to drop her attraction, and now she wants you to go away.

It sucks, but it happens to the best of them. You lick your wounds and find a better woman, and don't repeat the same beta mistakes.

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Seriously? You didn't want to fuck her? At all?

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He's completely asexual, u just don't understand

-100% I don't.

OP, Before the truth can set you free, you need to recognize which lie is holding you hostage.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I'm surprised no one said anything about you doing nothing the whole time while she tried to tell you she wants you to 'step up' your game when she mentioned something about if there weren't society she would have more sex. Or something like that.

Girls want to be fucked, especially at that age.

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There are a lot of details here that weren't at all necessary.

This is classic " She wanted me when I didn't want her as much, but my interest for her completely turned around after she began to pull away". Its wanting what you can't have. She was in the position first, the tables turned and now you're in that position and are acting needy because of it. What happen to the guy that was too busy with more important aspects of his life? Why did you change? That is the guy she liked all along so why did you become someone new? She liked the guy who was more focused on his goals than he was on her. She liked the guy that could take it or leave it. The moment you become someone new, so she did. She's only reflecting the energy you're giving to her right back to you.

You want the girls attention back? You have to revert back to being the guy that she liked in the first place. The guy that wouldn't over message. The guy that was entertained by her lies, not the guy that tried to trap her in them. The guy that was more likely to flake than get anxious about getting flaked on.

She wants the old you back just as much as you want the old her back, but the question is.. Can you do that? is it even possible considering you emotional state at this point? You're not going to emotionally force her through your neediness into being interested in you again. You said yourself that she's into being "free".. Let her be free. She's flying away, maybe she'll fly back north after the winter, maybe she'll stay, but in the meantime you have to get back to what was important to you far before the girl came into your life; and what was important in the beginning of the period she came into your life.

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