This is what I'm thinking. Maybe we're all just not trusting. It's not that we shouldn't feel uncomfortable it's why do we? I'm beginning to think it's more insecurity. Like if I ran into a friend's gf I wouldn't have lunch with her because I would assume it would make him uncomfortable. But then that means he doesn't trust her and would have to question what we talked abt.. If she liked me too much etc. I wouldn't want someone having to think about that from a lunch so I'd be respectful. If you're uncomfortable say so... Just a thought that maybe we can never say we fully trust someone.

Case in point.

My last gf (who was a complete mess) I'd discovered was open to meeting guys who were creeping her on FB. The fact I'd even looked at her FB chats was telling in itself as I'd never felt compelled to do that with any other girl I'd dated. Most of the time she'd quickly dispense with them saying she had a boyfriend but "thanks for the compliment", but the times where we weren't getting along I'd see she was a bit more receptive to these online overtures. Oddly enough she took issue at every female friend I had (in spite of knowing these girls long before she'd entered my life), and subsequently gave me ultimatums to dump some of them. She also had an "after 7" rule that as a male you're not supposed to hangout with other girls after 7pm (no, I'm not making this up), and that how all her male friends reaffirmed to her that its "common sense to not hangout with women at night". It really comes down to how much of one's insecurities you're willing to put-up with; or how much control you're willing to exert on another person, to which at some point they'll rebel, or simply leave the relationship.

The woman I was with previous to her (for 7 years) I had 0 issue whatsoever with her having male friends. In fact she'd often drink with them after her late night shifts at work. She was a trustworthy woman of integrity who had standards.

Initially with both women I felt a bit insecure for the first few months as I was getting to know them, simply because there were no commitment to each other and I had no real way of knowing if they were entertaining 'offers' from other guys. That said I do have my own 'rules' in terms of hanging out with the opposite sex. Stuff like not sleeping over, not continuing on with the person if they clearly have intentions beyond friends, and I am sure there are a few other things that wouldn't sit well with me - thats just where I stand.

Myself I have several female friends, and I make that apparent from the get-go to whomever I am dating to weed-out the insecure from the secure. That said, a lot of women when they like you will lie about being cool with you having female friends, so its not always a sure-fire way of determining where they stand so early on (when she's on her best behavior).

He says codependency ^

I just call it caveman/biological jealousy

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Your term doesn't even begin to cover what co-dependency is.

it just isn't co-dependency. Jealousy also stems from a basic survival instinct.

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Survival instincts/ subconscious? one of my favourite subject

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If I was ya man, baby, you'd
Never worry bout what I do
I'd be coming home back to you
Every night, doin' you right

F** all the answers here. There is no answer here to your question OP! Just opinions.

If I were you, reading all the comments I would come to a conclusion that you're a fucking man here in relationship and you should do what Majikal said, be upfront with that you feel, have rules in your life & relationship. Stop being a whimp and over analyzing, that shit will lead you nowhere and will kill you from inside.

To n2, true but I guess it's hard to tell someone not to think about elephant.


EDIT: Can I swear on this forum, not sure...

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Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

what do you mean by that?

In a situation like this. If the relationship is serious be upfront with your feelings. I'd say it is not right LTR partner going for a 1 on 1 meet with the other sex. Why? Why not as a group? Alarm bells would ring for me.

That's not even being paranoid, it's more about logic to me.

I'd probably let the girl go as well without saying anything and assessing her behaviour after.

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n2

I mean it's difficult, rather impossible for someone to just rewire their brain and suddenly act like "that's alright with me, I trust you" attitude.

"It's called CO-DEPENDENCY, and a lot of you guys will vehemently deny this, but the reality is if you're giving a girl an ultimatum for hanging out with a guy - and the simple fact that you're giving an ultimatum to begin with says either something about the state of your relationship, and/or something about your insecurities being projected onto others."

To me it doesn't have to do with insecurities, it's like allowing your 7 years old kid on a bike for a stroll on his own. It's not insecurity if you sincerely fear that something might happen to him, you could still trust him, but you dont trust reckless drivers (the guy who's asking OP's gf to hang out with her) all that much.


Again, I would understand the catching up with a college of hers once in a while so it doesn't go cold, but if I remember correctly this other dude spends bunch of time with his gf. I mean, did a though ever crossed her mind that she's in a relationship and that it COULD maybe bother his boyfriend.


Like Chelios said, that's not being paranoid. I wouldn't allow that in my relationship.

_________________
Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

Why would not trusting the guy matter? Even if he makes a move he gets shut down. Regardless of the guys intentions it's always up to your girl what happens.. Unless we are talking about him drugging her or rape.

true. the guy above is also correct, he's supposed to be the man. his girl sense that he's not manly, thats why she fearlessly accepted the invite.

yes fear: she must fear losing, fear how you'd react.

and in the long run itsup the lady, but a woman mind is weak

_________________
If I was ya man, baby, you'd
Never worry bout what I do
I'd be coming home back to you
Every night, doin' you right

Or maybe JUST MAYBE for her it was harmless, she has 0 interest in the guy beyond a friendship, and was simply open to the company.

you dont get it, you dont see it

_________________
If I was ya man, baby, you'd
Never worry bout what I do
I'd be coming home back to you
Every night, doin' you right

"Fear" losing you?

Yea, play on a person's insecurities to keep them tethered to you. Totally healthy!

A lot of you guys then sit here scratching your heads in wonderment as to why she'd left your ass.