This way (by putting her in my shoes emotionally) i don't have to be passive aggressive about and I'll also get an opportunity to bring up my boundary. I don't have to do the shit where I'm like "oh see wel i was cool when you did it...blah blah blah", I can just be forward about and be like "hey in fact, this brings up a point I should've made earlier on, I would never hangout with some new girl I just met one on one or even entertain her thoughts of hooking up with me out of respect for you. I trust that you would handle situations like that accordingly."


If she is not cool with it, then I can dump her.

Is his a course of action that you gentlemen can all agree on?

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When you do the right thing, you will be shocked at the things that will happen in return. When you do the right thing, it always comes back.

Yeah...You got what I mean correctly.

EDIT: OP, I like your plan.

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"i think op is asking if he should put her in his shoes ie arch's suggestion to mention that someone else asked you out to dinner. i think what youre saying is communicate openly but put her in his shoes?"

I am saying that I wouldn't be directly manipulative, and instead would do what I just mentioned above, I would let her understand in an emotional way...I'd mention how something like that happened to me, and how I nhandled it, then I'd be like "I trust that you would probably do the same out of respect for me and our relationship" or something of that matter.

That way, I am not being as manipulative as the other guy, but I'm using the fact that I can put her in my shoes and also be forward and direct about it.

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When you do the right thing, you will be shocked at the things that will happen in return. When you do the right thing, it always comes back.

What is your guy's idea then, of "putting her in my shoes but showing how i feel in a forward manner?

Is my suggestion above a good way of doing both?

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When you do the right thing, you will be shocked at the things that will happen in return. When you do the right thing, it always comes back.

Jack Zero seems to agree.

How about the rest of you guys?

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When you do the right thing, you will be shocked at the things that will happen in return. When you do the right thing, it always comes back.

Right, and I'm saying that the girlfriend 'title' might be a lost cause *already* if the girl is emotionally immature. Not sure how you interpreted my statement... anyway, forget it.

The difficult thing here is knowing the moral integrity and character of both your girlfriend (who you've known about ~3 months) and the guy you don't know. If she gave him the vibe that she might be breaking up with you (not saying she did), then the guy might have been encouraged to pursue her. Or he could just be a shithead that wants to get in bed with her regardless of what she's said to him. This is partly going to determine how their interactions will go.

Since the lunch/dinner/whatever is called off, I'd let it go for now.

If she brings it up again, I suggest you stay true to yourself and tell her that it would make you feel uncomfortable.

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I like that too. Be upfront AND put her in your shoes.

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I have absolutely zero reason to question her moral integrity as of yet, from what i have seen she has been very good at putting guys in their place, and would always share with me stories of guys hitting on her since we have been dating. So she is upfront about it at least.

I could play it cool for a little bit, and then sometime soon I'll just throw in my plan subtly out of nowhere really.

Neo87, do you also agree with the plan I have devised?

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When you do the right thing, you will be shocked at the things that will happen in return. When you do the right thing, it always comes back.

tbh i'm not a good poster in this thread. Personally, i dont know what i would do. I'm trying to get away from vague terms, so I would think its disrespectful...but then I cant explain why. I may think its inappropriate, but cant verbalize why. I'd think is it an ego thing? Am I just upset some guy may think she has a chance with my gf? Is it a trust thing? Well if I trust her, i'd think why should I care? I'd think that if gf asked me why is it disrespectful, what answer could I give? All thats coming to mind is "it just is"....im on a brain freeze. can you say why its disrespectful?

It's disrespectful because why should she entertain guy's desire...I woudl not do the same to another ne girl out of respect for the relationship.

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When you do the right thing, you will be shocked at the things that will happen in return. When you do the right thing, it always comes back.

To me it's a no win situation because it's not a right and wrong issue. No one can be 100% sure that the person they are in a relationship is willing to cheat or not until they get caught doing it. I've been the guy that women cheated on their boyfriends with too many times in my past that it's made me approach this type of situation up front and honest even before wanting to call a potential girlfriend a girlfriend. That's just me.

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So no matter what we think about the morals of it, it is best probably that i bring something up, as you guys ahve said like 10 times now right ahha?

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When you do the right thing, you will be shocked at the things that will happen in return. When you do the right thing, it always comes back.

Too early, IMHO. And it's a co-worker. Unless she's said "I love you" I'd stay away from this route. Be the cool guy, this is still a bit of the gaming stage.

Indifference can turn a beautiful woman from just being your gf for a few months to being totally in love with you.

I cannot emphasize enough how being the cool, fun guy can hook a woman for life. And by fun, I don't mean clown, or court jester. Relationships are supposed to be easy and fucking fun, not all this serious bullshit. Women just want to catch a buzz, cuddle, and have orgasms with a pint of ice cream afterwards.

Women do not hang onto and this single purpose vision like we do. They don't hang onto shit unless it's really bad (like cheating or emotional abuse). They are multi-taskers. That argument she seemed to care so much about last night? Does not care today.

Tonight, My gf was super stoned and hanging with her roommate (who is also smoking hot). I didn't care for the vibe when I went into their place, I was on edge from work too. My gf asked if I wanted to go hiking with her and her roomie. I said "no, just us". This irritated her, and she (not on purpose, just instinctively the way woman do) sensed weakness. You could see her eyes light the fuck up because of my un-centered mood.

Then she got on top of me, teased me a bit with her tongue and said "I don't want to go hiking with you." I said "cool". She looked at me with those inquisitive testing eyes and said "you're reactions aren't so cool". I said "I'm good, weirdo (slight neg here)" and kissed her sweetly on the lips and left.

An hour late (after I worked for a bit), a text from her: Want to go hiking?

During the hike she's all googly-eyed. I ask her what she's thinking, she tells me she loves me. After the hike I get a text with her gushing her feelings. She tells me how she loves how easy we are together, that we never get hung up on things and that I make her feel confident and safe.

Why?

Because I did not react.


A man who does not understand women (in that situation) says: "are you mad at me?", "What did I do? "Why are you acting this way?" "Wait, suddenly you don't want to go hiking? wtf?", or he sticks around and tries to force things while being clingy and whiney.

Indifference and space are the best tools in the tool box.

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its an helpless cause. some women wouldn't have accepted the offer.

cut her off. cut off the cancer before it spread farther.

there're other women ih the world

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If I was ya man, baby, you'd
Never worry bout what I do
I'd be coming home back to you
Every night, doin' you right

What are you talking about? You think he should dump her? It was cancelled. How do you know that it wasn't her realizing it was the wrong thing to do?

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