Hello guys, my name is Dave, and I'm 25. I've been in a relationship with my gf for almost 9 years, with the typical ins and outs of every relationship but we have gone through many things together.
We had to deal with an abortion because of a broken condom, I suffered personality issues for having a drunk mother and a father that consumed drugs; and it took me quite a few years of doing my best to solve this issues, some of them spent with her.

Sometimes I've been overreactive towards stupid stuff (with reasons, but overreacting), and since I consider myself someone with a strong personality many of the elements present in my life are part of her too, in fact, she is quite the opposite in that sense, she is always been extremely assertive and passive; never had a solid hobby despite common stuff that she didn't took too far or ditched too fast.
I'm the kind of person that try to make things right (or close to), I started bobybuilding at home and have spent years learning stuff only to get an extremely good understanding of everything related to it, I spent a few years reaching competitive level play in a game, I took quite a time learning how to be a good dog owner, reading books and practicing things. I consider myself a perfectionist in many aspects of my life.

When I say she is the opposite is with a big emphasis on opposite; I even had to learn basic stuff on graphical design (her college) because she needed help in her finals, and please, dont get me wrong, if this was an isolated cause I wouldn't have any trouble with it.

The thing is that I've talked about this issue a lot of times with her, and she acknowledges the issue every time but the response is always very ephimeral and I really don't know why, I try to talk to her constantly about making herself her own leader for her future, I really try to encourage this attitude but honestly the message is so echoed it has lost its value.

And the real issue is that recently a friend of mine told me about the PUA thing, and I read a couple of books and watch a couple of vids out of couriosity (the psychologycal component was what kept me interested)
Yesterday I went to the beach with my friend; he has lost confidence on himself and he is a loser when it comes to approaching woman so the circle keeps reapeating over and over. So when we entered in a night club yesterday I thought that I could give him a subtle lesson doing what I learned reading the stuff. I went to the dance floor with a great mood and held my hand to a solid 9, we started to dance, it started to scalate a lot and then I stopped because I didnt want to cheat my gf.
I had opportunities to cheat on her before, but I haven't done it, yesterday was different though, the girl was from another country but we communicated perfectly with our body language in the 10 minutes we stayed together, I really felt something special, and I completely feel like shit because all I wanted was to help my friend being more confident without thinking possible consequences of me flirting.

I want to make it clear that this isn't because "the new toy is better than the old", what I've interpretated is that yesterday was a trigger for me, that this situation cannot continue in any way possible.
I really feel like I've exhausted the dialogue options to see a positive response, and that I need to seek deepper answers and more complex questions to get something out of her but I'm not sure if I want to.

As I said earlier, we share a lot of things and a big project is part of that plan, I'm working with a couple of developers to create a complex fitness software, and recently I had to switch teams because I had a couple of differences with my old teammates; she offered to be in, despite not being good at design (as explained earlier) I accepted her in because I saw a positive attitude and thought that her seeing how big it is she would had to stay up to the expectations.
Recently I've been having extremely low energy levels to work on the project because what happened with my old teammates and I really hoped that she took the initiative and act accordingly, but, she hasn't do anything worth of mentioning in 5 months, compared to the 200 pages analysis of the tool I did in my first months leading the project with my old team.
She is quite supportive in simple stuff; when I had the issues with my old teammates she was supporting me all the time saying positive things but she kind of felt defeated too by the situation, in fact, I couldn't show to her how bad I was because that would had been catastrophic for her and for sure we would end up both crying (which in that moment was the least thing I wanted).
She is also helping me finnacially now because of reasons so I think she loves me and cares about me, but I don't think that's enough, specially when I've done too much things for her that she wouldn't do for me in any way possible. I'm not asking her to behave the way I do, but I'm asking her to try to take it to the level I do.
Another example is how she wears, I've said to her many times that I don't find it attractive most of the time, again, she acknowladges this but its been 9 years and I rarely find her appealing (1 of 20 times we meet I remember why I like her physically), compared to me, that go 5 times per week to the gym, I'm on a diet 24/7, try to innovate wearing and take her opinion on how I wear very seriously, it's just no fuckin fair, and, again, if this was an isolated cause I wouldn't give a shit but it is not.
I don't think that she behaves like this because she doesn't want to help me or be a better partner, but I think that she honestly doesn't know how to do it and she isn't putting enough effort to solve this.

Another issue I have is that she have stupid problems all the time, specially with mens, the last year a retard in her job asked her for a blowjob knowing that she has a bf and calling her insulting stuff subtly, and is not that I care about a retard being a retard but she didn't told him anything until I told her that that kind of words towards a woman where unacceptable, and no, I didn't want to raise my sowrd and take the horse to her job to do the white knight thing, she is old enough to be able to defend by herself of that sort of troubles. She even was embarrased because the guy looked attractive for her, well, sort of embarrased, after a 4 hour chat about how misogynist was the attitude and meaning of the sentence "if you where more horny you would do me a blowjob in the bathroom", we talked about the issues woman face thanks to dicks like the douche that worked with her. And I was like "omfg, my 24 year old girlfriend needs to be spoken about woman rights and misogynist world now".
Then, when I have the issue with my teammates I feel completely lonely because she only think on white/black, good(me)/bad (them) mentality, I feel that a big thing in a partner is that she compliments you and I obviously don't feel that, and, even more, I'm losing faith that I will see it from her.

I really don't want to tell this to anyone of my friends yet because they don't have any useful idea because they lack experience in relationships or they value womans as they value a sponge so please, I need someone with experience, also when I've made my mind about the issue I'll speak to her.

Thank you so much.

I started getting sad when you said you were twenty-five and had been with your girlfriend for nine years. I'm going to tell you something that you probably don't want to hear. You don't yet know yourself. Your girlfriend doesn't yet know herself. You guys are like the blind leading the blind at this stage in your life. You sound more burnt out on your girlfriend than a guy that has been married for years.

You don't have to be in it just because you feel you owe it to her.

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Yeah this^

My gut feeling is, you'll break up with her, get some lays and relationships, but look back at this one as the best. She doesnt sound so bad tbh, she sounds supportive, just airheadish. Ive seen guys complain their gf is too passive, but they forget that passivity is probably what kept the relationship going. They break up, and when they get the assertive chick, cant handle it. When the assertive chick leaves when you have your personality issues, or leaves when you're overreactive, or leaves when she has to help you financially, I think you'll look for this chick. I mean, she sounds like she supports you alot, just differently than you expect. I havent read how you support her, besides teaching some graphics design stuff. Its easy to say a chick doesnt support you and you have a strong personality, when she's helping you financially while you keep you diet and exercise on her buck.

Thats not to say you should stay with her; hell no you should leave and explore. Being a perfectionist is cool, just my impression is you take it past the line of realistic and appreciative. Regardless walk away. I think this is one of those situations where you still need to learn what you really want.

You lead your life while she kinda just drifts where ever the winds blow. I get it.

Jack's right, you are burnt out. You're fighting all the battles. For you and for her. Her patching up your resulting wounds is hardly her doing her part.

You lack the experience since you've been dating the same girl since you were 16 but I'll tell you this much, you can and will do better. So much better. You've got your shit together for the most part and obviously have drive and determination.

You should be with someone both willing, able and determined to keep up pace with you.

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So much support for someone random on a forum, deeply appreciated seriously...
You are right, I feel burn out, and I've been like this for quite some time, but I can't stop thinking that if the situation is like this is my fault; I generally don't like to think what others can do, I always try to focus on myself and how can I revert the situation, and it's been 9 years and I haven't been able to do it, it makes me feel like shit.
Is like making a huge investment and and now I feel I'm stopped at the middle of the road watching I've done lots of kilometers, only to see fog in front of me and expect that the road ends soon, but there is no way that I can see through the fog, and my legs are tired...

I don't find a particular interest in exploring out there, I've seen my fiend's gfs and said to myself, "mine is much better", it's not that I canot find the right girl, but I truly don't think there is a right girl and once you find one is just a matter of going through the road together, I'm sure that getting lots of chicks is something extremely funny and I would try to do it for sure

When I talked earlier about money is just for buying a high end pc, which we are buying together, but she is putting more money on, I keep my diet and stuff on my wallet fortunately, but this isn't a bid geal, she has been i trouble there too and I took her to London twice on my buck. She was very greedy but now it's fixed I think, so I know for sure that if I take the time to speak with her sooner or later things change.
I think she is very supportive, in fact, I think she support me in all she can, and thats something very worth of mention, and I think that is what keeps me going.

I still think I love her and want to be with her, but I'm so tired I feel I'm not gonna walk more.
Should I speak to her and talk about how bad I feel and that now is her time to do something if she wants to keep us going?
Or should I tell her that it's not worth it to keep going.

Just because she has a low drive and isn't doing great financially and doesn't work out and isn't on his success level doesn't mean she's a loser. Not everybody's destined to become lawyers, doctors and engineers.

Then find somebody on a level similar to yours. So you don't end up down the road with, "But I'm fitter than you, more motivated than you, I offer more, I do more, better than you," etc. It just ends up in bitter angry resentment and that's not love.

Secondly, taking into account what neo87 wrote, sometimes different personalities complement each other. You can't have two dominant people butting head all the time competing for who's number 1. Sometimes it works, but often times, it doesn't.

Lastly, I think you should break up with her.

But just remember this, that sometimes those successful go-getter women aren't necessarily better. Sure, they may have a bigger drive, bigger goals, more motivation. But at a cost. They may not dedicate as much time to the relationship and to you, they may not be as patient and loving, they may not care as much, you might come home to an empty plate instead of full cooked meals, they may place their careers above you and the relationship, etc.

Hey, this thread is about the OP and not you, okay?

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Some men feel very weak in the real world, so to feel stronger, they go on online forums and bash others.

Yes, let's hope those value takers leave. Some them are useful for scaring away the trolls

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Whatever Dragula.
A REAL MAN finds his strength in bettering himself, not bashing a woman online.

Dragula and HT23VWY67

You two manage to find a way to dereail and bicker in every thread. Stop.

I'm going to talk with her about the issue in a few minutes.
I will be concise, I'll let her know my thoughts and I'll ask her to really think what she really wants. I'm also gonna ask her to take the time needed to think it.
I hope she really catches the message that the only way that we can be together is that she changes her attitude towards certain things.

The sentence R.C told me before has gotten really deep in my mind "You should be with someone both willing, able and determined to keep up pace with you."
If she doesn't want that I'll accept it and move on.

I'll keep this updated.
Thank you so much.

This is just terrible. You are putting all of the responsibility on her. You are the one that isn't happy. You need to take the lead on what's going to happen in order for you to be happy.

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Yeah you can't tell someone to turn into a different person for you.

I've talked to her and I think I've done right doing so, but who knows, it didn't seemed fair just to let her know that it was over without exploring other possibilities.
And we have finished the relationship.

I've told her that we could forge a way together, but she should change things and that she should demand things too, as in every healthy relationships we both can be different and respect each other but we should be doing all we can for the other, it was my red line.
I told her if she was willing to do that and she has said "no", I've asked, "100% sure?" and she said "yes".

She has sent me lots of message later telling me that it was a mistake, that she truly loves me, she even said that she said no because she doesn't want to disappoint me again (which made me feel like shit btw).

I've told her that there must be a reason for her to say no, that she must accept the consequences of her decision. Seeing that she was very annoying telling me how bad she was and that it was a mistake I've told her to get her shit in order, that she must clear her mind about what she really wants. I've told her since the very beginning what I wanted and expected from her, I think I deserve more there.

I really think that she is very well convinced of her bad decision, she thinks she made a mistake and I think she still loves me, but I think that she really doesn't know what she wants.
I know what I want, and I'm sure she can be a better person but only if she is sure about it.
She said that she said no because she thinks she wouldn't be up to the expectations and I'm sure that this reason contributed to her decision. But I think that she is just confused and afraid of being alone.

She really wants me back, and I've told her that we'll speak tomorrow.
I really don't know what to do.