So im a 27 year old guy. For the past 6 years ive been friend zoned. Bad. Its gone on for so long simply because she would always show enough interest to keep me around. I decided after a while that I was just going to fuck other girls but keep this girl in my life as we had established a decent enough friendship by that point.

Anyway a lot of crap happened, and she got married to an abusive partner, and had 2 kids. She left him last year and I was there for her while she was feeling vulnerable/upset/ and all those other shit feelings.
Its been in the last few months(for the first time in many years) that ive started to see her in a romantic way again, and we flirt quite a bit.

However out of the blue ive discovered she has been meeting up with a guy from a dating site(just spent the past weekend together) and its made me feel like shit.

I know the easy answer to all of this is that I should move on and cut her out. But ive become quite attached to her and also seeing her two little boys quite regular. So i wondered if anyone had any other advice in this situation?

I would imagine her the new guy will be getting 90 percent of attention now so is there even much point in hoping for a friendship now?

After feeling crap all weekend I told her id decided to see an old friend who lives in a different city and would let her know when im back. To give myself some distance from the situation.

Do i freeze her out of my life for a substantial amount of time to show her that she cant have her cake and eat it?

Thanks,

Is she manipulating you? What interest or hope is she showing you

She did manipulate me in the past, it was so long ago and we were both younger so its forgivable now. But now I don't think she manipulates me, but its hard to know when your in the situation.

As for interest/hope. We talk every dad(or did do), having days out with us two and her children, go to events together like a wedding recently, flirt quite a lot(innuendo's about sex, what we are wearing, stuff like that) and she has no one in her life because she is a very closed off person and im the only one she has talked to about her past. And she said only last week that "she hated how well i know her sometimes, because no one else does, and it scares her"

Six fucking years? Have you ever made a move? Or do you lay in bed at night secretly hoping that knock on your bedroom door will one day come?

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

This woman is using you, and she is not interested in you.

You are too nice of a guy.

My advice? Start acting like an ass once in a while to her. Dismiss her. It seems she's attracted to assholes. You're too much of a nice guy.

Just move on. I would not advise you to make a move on her because it might backfire with her going she's not into you.

Move on. Find other women. Dismiss her.

Haha!

Yeah we fooled around for a few months when we first became "friends", she then had a boyfriend for 2 years, then they split up and she left him for a guy she then got married to within 2 months.

Then her husband hated me, so she stopped talking to me for a solid year and a half. They divorced, and she has been back in my life and my home town for about 9 months.

Like I said, for good periods I was fine with just the friendship. But recently, and now Im going to have to get used to someone new, its proving hard, and made me realise there is obviously feelings still there.

Op... That's not interest and not a sign she likes you. You sound like a gay best friend. Chicks flirt. Chicks like to talk. The issue is after all these years you don't have options to where you CAN'T talk to her everyday. Fix that.

On another note...youre the worst kinda scumbag there is. You help someone and their fucking little kids to get into their pants. If you're being a friend or doing something without a motive then let that be it. Especially with fucking kids around so they aren't caught in the middle getting close to a guy who is just there for them to fuck mom. If a friend fucking someone else makes you sad then walk away from this woman and her kids now instead of down the road when you've gotten closer to them. If freezing her out is to show her she cant have the friendship without liking you...then you already knows you've done all this to get her and its manipulation.

Thanks for the advice,

So I should limit contact(texts, seeing each other) to something like once a month(or longer?), start hooking up with other women, and be cold with her when we do contact each other?
I dont want to cut all ties, because Ive got attached to her two kids, and I suppose don't want to lose the friendship that was there before

First point. Agreed.

Now lets get to your ridiculous statements in the second post. Ive already stated I was fine with our friendship. I didnt get close to her kids to get close to her. Ive already said ill be in their life no matter what she does. I just dont know how to handle the situation. You cant help having feelings of jealousy, if i could control it then believe me i would. Im looking for a way of handling the situation without walking away. Handling it all without fucking her or her kids over. Because thats the last thing i want to do. They are more important than anything between us two.

Dude... It's all manipulation and motive. You're not saying you know what I'm jealous right now I'll take some space from her and come back when I'm over it. Notice how in your reply to the other poster above youre talking abt being COLD to her when you come back? Why.... Because you have a motive of making her feel some way. See how your words reveal your real intentions? See how you're opening post you talk abt freezing her out TO SHOW HER SOMETHING? This isn't abt you being jealous and how to handle that. It's how can you do something to make her feel a certain way... Manipulation. If this was not about manipulating her emotions why would you act cold or show her xyz? Don't lie to yourself

I suppose I dont want her to see me as gay best friend or that im disposable (which has been the case in the past) But I dont want to manipulate her to like me? if thats what your saying. If she doesnt like me then i want her to feel like she has me as a friend, but not how it has been, in which ive been there whevener she wanted me to be. Hence the being cold comment. I want to go back to this situation but not being just there for when her boyfriend isnt. So being cold would show her that the dynamic of our friendship has changed.

I think me and you could keep going back and forward, but i dont agree that im manipulating her to be with her, or that im using her kids. Im never going to agree with you on that.

I want to re define our friendship not manipulate her being with me.

Do you, do errands, favors for her with nothing in return?
Do you dream of having sex with her?
Do you call each other BBF?

You say you want to 'define' this relationship, if you are not banging it then it's LJBF's.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

We both help each other out to be honest. Probably was the case a few years ago, but now i would say its mutual.

I didnt even think about it for ages to be honest, ive been thinking about her like that in the past week or so?(since she is with someone else)

Haha we dont, but we arent 12 , but weve said we are each other best mate, yeah. Im her only friend to be honest.

And LJBF would be okay with me if in the right context. She has had a habit in the past of making me feel that friendship didnt mean anything. Always when she had a boyfriend. Ive spoke to her about all of this and she reassures me it wont be the same, ill have to take her word, but I also want to put myself in the best possible position to be treated that way again.

So it' is defined. "Lets Just Be Friends" is Used by women to indicate that they don't want a romantic relationship, but don't mind receiving attention from a guy that wants to be more than friends.

You are defined.

You don't show more than friendship interest.

When is the last time you banded a random? How many times have you had sex with other women in these six years?

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Over the six years? quite a few. Its pretty easy to pull on a night out where I live. Recently ive seen a few different girls, but when the opportunity came for it to go further ive not bothered because ive been concentrating too much on stuff going on with this girl. That was a fucking stupid decision on reflection.