this is something i cant explain. it's really baffling to me and i dont understand why it happens.

whenever i am talking to a latin girl and everything is going fine, as soon as i start telling her i speak some spanish or i ask a question in spanish, things plummet. I ask a simple question like "where are you from?" in spanish. purpose: to build rapport, to let them know I speak spanish. but it works the opposite way. it's a major turnoff for them. I am not basing this conclusion on just 1 or 2 observations. this is something that has happened countless times. there has to be an explanation for it.

since you guys understand female psychology, why does this happen?

Stop trying so hard.

Go to the gym Bart.

I visited Germany last year and it was about the same time I started learning some deutsch. The extent of my entire vocabulary revolved around "Ich bin nass" (I am wet) and "Mein Schwantz ist gross" (My dick is big).

Know why they loved my amazing German yet they frown upon your Spanish? It's because I did it to entertain myself, while you're doing it to entertain them.

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So, based on that, you are speaking with hidden intentions. Don't be so concerned about trying to impress the people you are conversing with. When you do things to impress others, you are seeking their validation, and therefore being needy. Bart, your problem is that you care way too much about what these girls think of you, and then when guys on this forum tell you to not try so hard, you go overboard to the other end of the spectrum and don't try at all. Both caring too much and intentionally caring too little are forms of neediness.

,

ok, thank you guys, you are all right.

nr32, I am laughing right now because you said when guys on this forum tell me to stop caring so much, I go overboard. it's so true.

BUT here is the thing. this kind of advice is like telling a cancer patient "stop having cancer. just stop it"
it doesn't work.
you say "dont be concerned about impressing the girls you are talking to"
I say "ok"
guess what? next time I talk to a girl, I am still trying to impress.
If you tell me to be more confident, to stop seeking validation, to live in my own world instead of someone else's world, to stop being needy, all of that is great, but it doesn't help. I need to change. I need to somehow BECOME a man who genuinely doesn't care, who genuinely doesn't seek validation, who is genuinely not needy. gym doesn't help, I have been going every day for the past week and no changes.

edit: dont get me wrong, actually, being conscious of what I am doing wrong does help, I wasn't trying to devalue your advice.

Lol. A better analogy would be that this is like telling a mental patient to stop being crazy.

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It's more like telling a guy that walks crooked to stop doing that and keep his back straight.

The way you do it is by proactive effort (reminding yourself to walk straight) and actually going on walks, obviously.
Lmao. What's next? go on a one week diet and complain you're still fat?

Don't go to the gym seven freakin days a week, all you'll get from that is a burnout. You should be going a minimum of 3 days to a maximum of 4. That's it.
You should also be following a workout plan as opposed to running around like a headless chicken, I suggest something like riptoe or babylovers Starting Strength routines.

Stop looking for shortcuts bart. None of us became successful overnight. And I sure as fuck didn't get in shape in 1 god damn week.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I think bart should be a reality TV show.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

thank you, RC.
I am laughing now because you know I run around in the gym like a headless chicken. how the fuck do you guys know this.

You're high maintenance Bart.

Go spend a weekend at Heywood's he'll put you in a tutu and onto the street, help you overcome your fears.

you're right. in real life, I have been told I am a "mama's boy" I guess that does mean high maintenance.

Lighten up man. Go have fun for fun's sake fuck what anyone else thinks. Help an old woman cross the road, chase a chicken down a lane, take your shirt off and run laughing manically down the street

live a little, life's short don't take yourself too seriously

Open you and in the process fall in love with yourself and things will just happen.

you know what? just yesterday someone in real life told me this exact statement. he said I am depressed and I need to lighten up. He said I gotta live a little and I didn't know what he meant. when I asked him for specific steps to take to "live a little" he said "get some prada shoes, a nice car, a cool haircut, get a blonde and fuck her on mondays and tuesdays, get a black girl and fuck her on wednesdays and thursdays, get a redhead and fuck her on saturdays"
I said "I dont want a girl who wants me for my money, I want someone who wants me for me"
he said "you're living by cliches that other people have taught you. stop living in other people's world. live in your own world. how do you know you won't be happy if a girl wanted you for your money? have you ever tried it?"

you always have something new Bart.

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