So I'll be as concise as possible and elaborate if anyone needs me to.

Background -

3 month relationship ended (by her, her reasons were that she was too ill to deal with having someone else to please etc and couldnt handle living back home after uni).

Since then I've had another girlfriend, a mistake. And 2 months ago I ended that.

Me and the ex ex have spoke a little these past weeks, she suggested a drink and food, we had a great time.. she made the move towards the end and suggested we went back to hers, she had already hinted at me staying the night. Other things can be elaborated if need be. Sex was great, together with her cuddling/holding hands (even before we got back to hers).

We messaged yesterday but neither I or her have messaged today.

Intent -

I want to get back to the enjoyable times we had before if possible, I'm not wanting to dive into a relationship with her at all but if theres a way to progress towards it I'm all ears.

Do I message her? Sex again? No sex just good company? Are all the signs she's giving.. bullshit interpretations by me? E.g..

'it's not like we're going on new first dates, we already know each other really well'.

'I forgot how hot you were'

'it's so good to be able to do whatever we want without parents around'(one of the problems before was that we were both living with parents and she hated that)

Any advice is appreciated. Any questions Im welcome to answer.

She's doing the chasing right now. Let her continue. Don't let her think that she will be able to get you back that easily and without effort. If she thinks you are interested but at the same time seem like you're trying to resist her, she'll work harder to tear down that resistance. Basically, be a challenge and make her invest.

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Thanks for your reply. Would you say to message her or leave it a couple of days? She's hard to read because how she was with me the other night was like she wanted to date again but I can't be sure and I don't want to suggest another hangout and get shot down.. hmm..

What do you need to message her about? You sound like you're excited and need to be proactive when she's the one expressing interest. If you have something that you need to communicate then do it. If not, let her pursue you. As long as you're not rejecting her when she shows interest, she will keep pursuing.

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Great advice.

Also, when a girl says "I forgot how hot you are", she wants to have fun. Focus on that, and that only. She will initiate the rest.

When she contacts you, be cool and answer. This isn't one to ignore or lay low on like you would after a first date.

Bounce two or three texts back and forth. She'll probably initiate a hang out. If not, you do it.

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She text me last night and then rang me, drunk. Saying she wanted to see me again next week to hang out etc we were on the phone about 40 minutes joking laughing flirting. Is there a way to tell if she wants just casual sex or if she's wanting it to be more about our company and seeing each other?

I think I'll do as you both say and let her do the run around, there's no point messaging for the sake of it. Although theres an event coming up that she'd be interested in and I am too.. maybe I should lay off that for now.

I don't know what her specific motives with you are but it's a rare thing that an ex girlfriend will come back to be a fwb or fb even if they're not trying to define things at the moment.

Personally, I wouldn't invite her to an event. I'd tell her I may go to the event and watch her reaction.

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There are 2 ways of thinking about defining what this is:

1) go with the flow, let things unfold organically by pressing at her you may get an ambiguous answer and she may feel like you're forcing her hand to make a decision

2) by asking her what her intentions are early you can set the frame that you're interested ONLY in working on a relationship with her again, and nothing short of that. This way you save your time and heartache if she says she just wants a friendship.

Myself I much prefer the 2nd choice, and you've every right to ask if she's coming to you especially if she'd ended it.

I've been through myself and had later regretted not declaring the intentions of 'what this is'. After a few months of hanging and hooking up I'd finally asked, by which point she framed it as having reached-out to be for sex (which was far from the truth) because she'd felt both attracted to and comfortable with me. At least by knowing her intent you can make an informed decision on whether to move forward with her or cut things early and free yourself up to hangout with other girls.

So she blew me off m, we were meant to go for food and stay at hers last night but the day before she says she has to work in another city till late and won't be back in time. Also she's away from today till tuesday.

Now hasn't text back since yesterday afternoon... is she just not interested? Can't work out if there's a point where I went wrong in the texting or if it's just her.

Why are you so invested in this already?

She obviously was horny. Probably hadn't had sex in a while and so she hit up her ex. It's not that uncommon. At all.
After that, she only showed intent while drunk and horny, again.

I don't know how your texts look like but if you wanna know where you went wrong, it's when you started being so invested and having future/relationship thoughts because a horny ex wanting to get fucked showed you some mild affection.

It's a booty call. Not a marriage proposal. So stop treating it as such.

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Yeah it seems that way...

So do you think it would always be just a booty call or more?

I just don't know whether I should meet other girls that I'm texting or not. She might get back from the festival and suggest hanging out again and I feel like I don't know what my reply should be.

How long has it been since theres been contact?

Guys have to learn to be a bit more patient. In a situation like this, sometimes NO MOVE is the best move. Just be cool and focus on your every day life. Let her come to you. She'll begin to wonder if you enjoyed yourself with her or not or if you're still interested in her after sex.

Whats not going to work however, is you over eagerly trying to force the feelings to come back just because you want them to. Let things brew naturally.

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What do you even mean you don't know whether you should meet other girls?
Since when is it ok to put your love life on hold because some ex, or any girl for that matter, might want to hang out?

Yes meet other girls. Meet her as well if she wants to. You're not exclusive and you don't owe her anything, so stop acting like it.

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

You're not the guy only in her life (don't delude yourself)

So don't make her the only girl in your life. The only reason you're feeling like this is because she is your only option for sex

Get in the game. Obtain the skill. Billions of girls out there that are hoping to meet you.

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I had a similar thing happen to me last fall. My on/off again ex contacted me after 5 months. We hooked up, I got all excited about the prospect of a relationship with her again. Months went by where she insisted we weren't even working on a relationship, and that she didn't want one with anyone, particularly with me at the time. She was my only option, and I am sure she knew it. Thankfully I'd ended it out of frustration and feeling it was going nowhere. Never mind the fact she's a total nutjob; the mind will make ANY reason to remain with someone when it's in scarcity mode.

Think of it like this. Our male brains are hardwired to drive us towards procreation. We also seek novelty when it comes to sex, its a way of influencing us to sew our seed with as many women as possible to ensure a higher probability our genes get passed on - it grants us the closest thing to immortality in a sense as we pass down our genetic lineage.

If you were on Mars, for example, and there was just 1 woman - even if she was batshit cray your brain would still find reasons to mate with her. There's no sense feeling bad about it, but rather to recognize it for what it is.


You're quite clearly still in your attachment cycle with this girl. I get that. I know what that's like, and the experience is still relatively fresh for me. In fact I hadn't dated in several months so I could take the time to heal and work on myself in the process. I strongly believe that having a sense of purpose, or renewed sense of purpose will strongly diminish your attachment to unhealthy partners. Another thing I HIGHLY recommend is that you not only continue seeing other women, but in fact go out and meet more.

Why? They can be good distractions and when you find one you like hanging out with that will help speed-up the detachment from your ex. I started doing this last week. I'd met a girl from online, and we'd really hit it off. I feel excited about seeing her again. I actually took her to a beach where I'd frequent with my ex as a test of sorts to see if I was still hung-up on her. I can happily say I felt absolutely nothing. I wasn't wishing I was there with her, I was really enjoying the company of this young woman, her beauty, her kindness, nature watching the sunset go down over the ocean and mountains. It was awesome and that old energy, that flame within me felt alive again.

Don't wait around for this person. She's not worth it. And by waiting around think of all the other potential options you're missing out on. You really can't blame her for anything. If you're waiting for her that's your fault, that's your choice. Start making better choices, and start living better. Think of it this way: where you are in your life now is a result of the lump-sum of choices you've made. So what do you do? Make a conscious effort to make healthier choices that are life-enriching rather than life-draining such as pining over an ex and trying to win her affections.