When you use generic lines, you give away spark. This conveys that you're also generic in bed, generic in your music taste, and probably don't read.
Who do you want to bang when you're 40? Women your age or hot 20-somethings? Standing out matters, especially as you age.

This works great for 35 year old 6's at the beginning.

If you tell today's hyper-sensitive social media 22 year old vixens your feelings off the bat, you will be mocked.

Nothing wrong with a bit of game to get the truly attractive, young women invested in you before you blurt shit out. I prefer quality over quantity (I used to be a numbers guy).
I find my time to be valuable. I don't mind putting my time into quality.


All of my first dates end with oral sex, at least. But this is because I have a very specific type. I will walk through a downtown district and hit 5-10 bars, and come home empty many times because I wasn't attracted to the girls who were interested.

When I do find the rare type, I turn on the charm and put in effort. I value my time, and I value this very specific type. since these types are hard to find, i prefer to try it out for at least a month.

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I'm curious...what does your 20-something girlfriend's dad think of you? I'm sure he can't be too happy...unless you have money. Then he'd probably make an exception.

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Fair point.

We tried to keep it FWB (as it started last fall/winter), but would end up in each others arms the entire night. Feelings just blew up, attraction isn't a choice. The thing that's interesting is she's by far the most mature girl I've dated here, from ages 21-36 or so.

Her father is unaware, and old school. The step mom knows and likes me, the biological mom knows and likes me. I'm not rich, but I do interesting work.

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That's the rub on maturity, IMO. She's your girlfriend and you're saying that she's emotionally mature, although she and her friends become bitchy because a guy approaches them respectfully even if they are nervous, she'd specifically dump a guy because she knows that he's interested, and finds a compliment on beauty repulsive because she knows she's attractive. By your words, 20-somethings act like this. This isn't a sign of emotional maturity. Now we know that she doesn't want to tell her father about the man that she says she loves because she knows that he'll react like an old school dad. Is that really emotionally mature if she can't handle daddy's reaction to her boyfriend? Surely, she is an adult and can speak rationally to him about her choices.

Obviously, I'm pointing out some warped thinking on her part and will admit that I don't know this girl with the exception of what you describe her as being. Maybe the love bug has gotten you, but you aren't describing a woman that is emotionally or socially mature. If one or both of those things are true, it may not be that she doesn't like compliments but actually doesn't know how to take one.

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Would love to go back in time and then Arch approaches the same girl with a compliment and is in the exact same situation that he is in anyway in a relationship,

Not because of the compliment and not because of how he did actually meet

But it's simply because she a thing for his dimples when he smiles and also 5% body fat...

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Women are like this in general. in groups they are worse...especially with alcohol involved.

Not what I said. She will, and has dumped a guy for spilling his guts early on. Many women have done this on guys who spill too early. It's why forums like this exist.



Every attractive woman I have dated rolls their eyes at that shit, no matter the age. It only matters if there's immediate spark, or she;s emotionally invested. This is the quote I hear most:

"the words are just empty".


It's not up to me to decide. If she's not ready, or ever will be, that's her choice. I'm just the guy who she has fun with, albeit exclusively. it is sort of emotionally weak, but I'm okay with it. No situation is perfect, and life is short.

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You can't judge all attractive women by the one's that you've dated but at the same time discount other people's experiences with attractive women. I have success with compliments. Neo has success with compliments. They don't work for you. Even Autoregressive says that they work if you do it in a specific way. The problem isn't that they don't work, it more sounds like you're not doing it right. I know ego is going to kick in here and you go back to quoting the women that you know and disregarding the women that I know or anyone else that also dates beautiful women and we can just agree to disagree.

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Jack, I could use them, but I have higher standards for myself. "You're beautiful" and "you're hot" don't do it for me. I'm a stickler for words and originality in my work.

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Maybe a more useful debate would be to discuss if they even matter, unless:

1) They are done so poorly that it turns her off and makes her think you're a tool

2) They are done so well that she's immediately more turned on and feeling more real attraction towards you


I suspect both cases are pretty rare and most of the time the compliment won't be determining the ultimate outcome. I'm still cringing at the OP's use of a looks-based compliment, though.

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Compliments can create a rapport when done correctly, but it isn't the end all be all of seduction. If you knew how to do something correctly, would you do it? At least for the extra boost you may get?

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Yeah Arch, what you're saying sounds alien to me. I get smiles and blushing from compliments in most cases, unless the girl is just not interested. Young, old. As to maturity, it sounds weird that the woman you say is the most mature you have dated, has many immature actions. I cant say thats been my experience with hot women. Sure, Ive known some who acts like your gf and her friends, but i dont call them the mature ones. It sounds like you date younger immature women maybe largely for their age, which is fine, but you apply their mindset to all young attractive women. I know many hot chicks who dont get pleasure from weak men, and who are intuitive enough to distinguish a needy guy from a confident guy, nevermind the words used.

Also, I dont know how maturity means she cant tell her dad about you. In the other thread you said this girl told you she loved you and would do anything for you...but she cant have a adult conversation with her dad? And where is the alpha male when you have to accept less and say "no situation is perfect?" But I get it...this is your gf and I hope she is sweet to you at least. My thing is, I'm not seeing maturity or alpha here; I mean...alpha doesnt mean you dont call her as much as she does when your hiding from the dad. And maturity doesnt mean she has a job when she's not past the "let me feel better about myself at the expense of others" phase. It just sounds like an immature situation, posing as a real adult relationship.

But, i like you Arch. You always seem to be honest and forthcoming and I really believe that you are truthful when you describe your experiences. Its just that I think youve allowed certain women to develop your opinions which may have led to you being more likely to attract that type of woman. Sometimes I think you'll take something i write to you to wrong way, but you always come back chill; for the record i'm not chastising you or judging you; just trying to see where your ideas come from. But I respect your honesty and demeanor

For sure. And I agree on the rapport aspect of it. Unless you're dealing with a girl who doesn't get a lot of compliments (of some kind, either looks or smarts oriented... or both), you'll need to really make them stand out.

You basically have to compliment her on something she wants to be appreciated for, which others do not normally see in her. That's where the magic happens.

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I'll give an example from this afternoon:

My girlfriend texts me, says she wants me to come over to "make out haha" before her trip to her parents tonight. I text back fairly quickly, then drive to her apartment.

When I walk in the door, she looks amazing. And so does her roommate, who's sitting in a chair.

My girlfriend truly looked striking, but that's not what I came at her with. She said with a big smile "I'm glad you came over". Instead of saying "you look hot" or "you're beautiful", I said "yeah, I know you're desperate".

They both started cracking up badly and blushing, and her roommate gets up and hugs me, then my girlfriend., all the while laughing.

It's your lives, gents. Win the room, or be the corny guy.

Her roommate hugged me again, then left the apartment, and I gave my girlfriend an orgasm, and she left on her trip.

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I agree with this. When you do make the magic happen, then any beauty based compliment is going to be welcome. This is what I'm talking about when I say do things the right way. If your looks aren't on par or greater than her looks, then a beauty based compliment is wasted as an opener. If Brad Pitt's lookalike walked into a bar, him opening with a beauty based compliment will cause panties to tumble down legs. It's more about her being receptive.

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Right, and this goes back to the great comment that Arch had:

"It will only mean something to women at these attractive levels if they are emotionally invested in you."

The emotional investment can be created via the compliments that 'make the magic happen.'

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