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Sex is pleasurable so that we'll do it and reproduce, its not pleasurable for our own entertainment.
Not really. In fact most animals only have sex when the woman is in heat, that is to say, can actually get pregnant. Humans (and some primates) do it whenever simply because it's pleasurable. If we were only doing it to reproduce, we could have evolved like other animals which simply go into heat when it's time. (Women do, to some extent, and become hornier when they are actually ovulating. Men also can detect subtle signs of this and will be more interested in a woman who's ovulating.)
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Nature is always pushing us to reproduce which is why a woman bleeds every month and goes through pain and cramps (for not reproducing) and men get random boners and motivation to seek out sexual gratification when not having ejaculated.
No, it's because the egg is only viable for a limited time and then has to be expelled to be ready for the next one. It's not some divine "punishment" for failing to use the egg. It's simple biology, not different really than needing to take a dump. In fact I think the same basically goes for the man, we experience it as horniness but you're storing all that semen and eventually it needs to get out. Without sex/masturbation it might end up being a wet dream.
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Men mate with many women instinctually because of my genetic make up.There is nothing in a woman genetic make up suggests that she should mate with multiple men.
There's literally nothing to support "genetic make up" for causing monogamy. Ok, I shouldn't say that, this is the internet. I'm sure you can find something.
Let's talk more... well, sociologically. Maybe anthropologically.
There are a few matriarchal societies out there. Not many, but they exist. One thing that's in common to many of them? Females have multiple partners. My favorite is one society where the common saying among children is something like "As long as I get a new brother or sister, who cares who the father is?"
Other studies show that women tend to lose interest in a partner
faster than men, with an average of about three years. All those sexless marriages out there? Yep. Because deep down, women want variety... potentially
more than men.
Lastly there's there Sperm Competition theory for our evolution, which basically states that the reason women make so much noise during sex is to attract more partners... and the shape of the penis actually sucks out any sperm in the vagina so that in the end, the sperm from multiple lovers is competing for the egg.
In short, now that we're actually studying female sexuality, there's growing evidence that women aren't very monogamous. Most of the evidence we have that they are... well, it's a product of our culture. Women have been told, for thousands of years, that they are bad, sinners, if they have more than one partner. Men have adopted that too. So what happens when you study them, survey them, design experiments? Well, people tend to look for what they already think is true and find ways to find it.
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Socially she can be conditioned to or just decide to chase pleasure, but it doesn't make biological sense. It is without purpose, only serving pleasure.. And a constant pursuit of pleasure will destroy you if you aren't acting with purpose.
The problem here is that we're wired to constantly seek pleasure. Not just sex, but anything. This is why so many people eat too much, exercise too little. It takes willpower to fight our instincts and actually do things that delay or deny pleasure for the greater good. Socially, women have been conditioned to dislike sex... to think it's bad, or they are bad for enjoying it. We're just recently starting to break that conditioning... and what happens? Female infidelity rates are catching up!
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As a man(most men) you already not monogamous.
As a human (most humans) you are already not monogamous.
Go back to the very beginning of your post. Sex is about reproduction. That much is true. (This might seem like I'm contradicting myself, but not really.)
What's important to the woman, subconsciously and biologically, is getting that egg fertilized. Why should she care who fertilizes it?
"As long as I get a new brother or sister, who cares who the father is?"
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Back before cameras, gps, and dan test a woman intelligently had to be a lot more selective with who she slept with because she would be stuck with a children with no idea who the dad was or how to get in contact with him or even prove he was the father. She had to be ensured that he would be there for her and/or the child. Now she can just rely on modern technology to do it for her.
Think even further back though. Back to when we were wandering hunter gatherers, or even tribes in grass huts before farming. All the men went out to hunt together. All the women went to pick berries and shit together. They all brought everything back and shared it.
Why would it matter who the father was under such conditions? I haven't been able to confirm this suspicion, but I'd be willing to bet large sums of money that monogamy started right around the time farming and labor specialization did. After all, if you're farming the land to feed your family... you don't want to feed the local homeless guys kids. Thus, we started controlling female sexuality... making them feel bad for wanting to bang every guy they were attracted to. Thus, we wrote a Bible that very explicitly, if you look closely, only punishes infidelity for the married woman and her lover. (Whereas no married man was ever punished in the Bible for infidelity, unless he banged another man's wife.)
So, sorry for the long rant... but between my sexual problems and interest in polyamory I've done a fair bit of reading on this stuff. Probably not an expert, but I know a bit.
Now, for the OP, if you managed to get this far, let me say this:
You are probably not naturally monogamous. A lot of polyamorous people would hem and haw out of political correctness, but I see little, if any, evidence that humans are instinctively monogamous. It's a societal construct which has been with us for a very long time.
However, the other side of that is... well, eventually you'll be emotionally close to someone. Eventually you might get tired of game, of going out and meeting new women all the time. Shit, I hear the exploits of some of the guys on this forum and I could never handle that much action. Anyway, a lot of times people eventually default into what is essentially monogamy. Not so much that you stop wanting to bang that hot barista, but more like you'd rather cuddle up with your woman and binge watch TV on Netflix for the afternoon because the barista's too much effort.
CHAT
